Seeing someone new 1.5h away who's not really initiative

[libby0715]

So I met this guy on Tinder about 2 months ago. He's 24 and I'm 26. We live 1.5 hours away in two different towns but we still matched with each other for some reason and messaged back and forth for about 2 weeks. We met up as I happened to be visiting his city on a holiday. The first date went really well. We spent 4 hours together doing different activities. At the end of the date he kissed me. After that we went on another 4 dates, with average 1-3 weeks apart in between. I drove to see him twice and he also trained to see me once ( he doesn't have a car). Another time I just went to his city to watch rugby with friends and stayed over with him afterwards. Our dates were all pretty long, usually 1-2 nights together at the weekend since we're just visiting each other. So we have spent quite some time together. We've been sexually involved since date 3 and had proper sex for the first time on date 5. He said he's not sleeping with anyone else when I ask. But we both still have our tinder. He added me on FB and another social media so I don't think he's hidding anything.

 

The thing is, I don't think he's very initiative. For texting, he just told me to text or call him at the end of date 1 or 2. He does probably initiate texts 1-2 times during the week. I text him as well but not every day. So we just talk for a few times during the week. It seems like I initiate contact more than he does lately but he's always reponsive when I do. And he would talk to me until he's off the bed and say good night to me. e did say something like I'm always welcome to his place whenever, and how he'd love me to come over, even said I'm welcome round whenever cos his house is my house... And he did mention something we could do the next time I'm at his. But he never actually set up a solid meeting. I'm always the one that suggests to get together at the specific weekend. He is always available for me tho, even tho sometimes he's busy with rennovations in the house, friends or family visiting but he always said it's up to me whether I stay with him or not.

 

So I can't decide if he's actually into me or not based on this. Even though he's always welcoming and reponsive when I initiate things but I'd really like him to take the initiative every now and then? Now I just feel like he just likes it/doens't mind it when I talk to him or visit him but he's not really persuing things with me. I like him but it's still quite a distance between us so I don't wanna be invested in someone that far away who's not interested enough. I wanna talk to him the next time I see him but not sure how to bring up the subject. I also want to stop having sex with him for now as I kinda feel insecure sleeping with someone who's not that serious with me yet. Thoughts?

[Maddie82]

I'm not seeing a problem here. Sounds like he really likes you and is very welcoming of you into his home. He loves seeing you and being with you. You said yourself he doesnt have a car and train tickets are expensive so it's not as easy for him to get to you. You also said he is doing renovations in his home. This can be very time consuming. It honestly sounds like it is going well but if you would like him to be more initiative then you need to talk to him about it.

[justwhoiam]

I wanna talk to him the next time I see him but not sure how to bring up the subject.

Well, you could ask him if he wants a casual relationship or a more serious one. And what he wishes for himself and for you both going on.

 

I also want to stop having sex with him for now as I kinda feel insecure sleeping with someone who's not that serious with me yet. Thoughts?

Well, that's wise. I would have had the above discussion before having sex with him... but that's me.

[elaine567]

Of course he wants you to keep coming over, he puts zero effort in and reaps the benefits.

Difficult to stop the sex now without the whole relationship taking a lurch backwards. The time to take stock was before you had sex.

Now it is a nice cosy arrangement for him which he will not want to change.

If you were busy doing house renovations and your bf was doing all the travelling to you, would you want to trek cross country to see him? Probably not...

 

Yes it may be casual from his standpoint or he may be more serious.. asking him is a good idea.

But maybe not worth the trouble if you are already timed out with the travelling...

[hippychick3]

The only way to gauge his interest is to back off and allow him to initiate and either extend an invite to you or offer to come see you. He should be putting in the effort of setting up dates and traveling to see you IF he is truly interested in a relationship with you. If he doesn’t do this, he’s not that into you or serious about you. I suggest for you to stop chasing him and let him go if he doesn’t step up.