Lorenza Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 So these two friends were always my example of true, long lasting love - let's call them Tina and Jay. Some months ago I told Tina how their love is something that still gives me hope it's possible to have a fullfilling relationship. They've been together for 10 years, went through all kinds of obstacles like the distance, cultural differences, families getting way too involved into their business, moving to an expensive city and trying to start over there. They had some normal couple squarells every now and then, but never have they called each other a nasty name or threatened to breakup. Both really cultured respectful people, and seemed so cute and caring to each other - even my other friends were all like "aawwww". Tina would constantly tell great things about Jay. They met when Tina was 19 and Jay - 21, did their masters together. I was only worried about them not getting married for so long and Tina giving me very weird reasons why not - not having their own appartment yet, not knowing if our city is the one they want to live in, long traveling distance to their jobs (they were both quite exhausted from it). It kinda felt it's bothering her and definitely bothered her family all making comments it's time to tie the knot. But I didn't think it was a big problem, or even their slight differences in character and Jay not really being himself (he's Spanish but had to tone himself down quite a lot here in Scandinavia, became much more stiff). So in July Tina went to see her parents, alone for the first time in many years because she has the whole summer free and Jay wanted to save his vacation days for their travel to Spain together, to see his parent. She came back to a complete shock - Jay is suddenly completely cold, acting weird saying how he just wants to be alone, how he doesn't have feelings for anyone, no sexual attraction, how they maybe should live separately. He even went to a separate room to sleep and doesn't want to share bed, kiss or hug. Tina became convinced he has depression and is burned out from his job demanding job and started calling therapist etc. She is a mess herself and taking sedatives from pain and shock. He is completely emotionless. I met them both and it was bizarre and how things suddenly changed. Jay wanted to just isolate himself, but Tina convinced him to go to Spain as planned. But nothing changed there and today she wronte that Jay is very sick and wants to separate. She is still totally convinced he is clinically depressed and that is why he changed and doesn't feel anything for her anymore (even said that he is just like a sister to him at this point). Tina says he's going to go to intensive therapy, but for know wants to move separately and not spend time together. They are now at his parents' but not acting as a couple anymore. I tried talking and justifying Jay but to me this all seems like a complete bs. Yes maybe he was tired of his job, but to become clinically depressed in two weeks she was gone? He told me he felt such a relief to be on his own and make his own decisions. The things is Tina would never even limit his decisions had he told them. She lacks feelings of jealousy and control and would have let him do things that would make him feel like his own person more often. Or is this something else completely? How can he make a 180 turn in two weeks? They were at my bday recently acting cute and lovey as always. Or on other occasions I've seen them. Posting this cause Tina can't speak English very well and would gladly listen to me translating the answers. Of course, I can't know the details, but I believe what she told me about their private relationship. Thought I'll just a thread talking for her rather than creating a new account to post in first person Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Did he by any chance meet someone or do something he shouldn’t while Tina was away? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 l think it is about their relationship and life to him. They met very young and it sounds like they've been through and done a lot in that time, all the serious heavy stuff. living like that from so young can cause you to pop eventually because he missed out on just living in his young years, instead he's been all caught up in them and achievements. ln a sitch like that sometimes say one disappears for a few weeks the other has time to just stop and just realize what life has been the last 10yrs and for him maybe the just living he didn't get to do. And maybe she put on a lot more pressure than she realizes right through too as women often do but especially younger ones. Just sayin what it sounds like to me, maybe l'm wrong but they're my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 Did he by any chance meet someone or do something he shouldn’t while Tina was away? I don't think so... Unless there was something going on for a while. But he's so shy and formal, doesn't really flirt, hard to believe he would find someone on the side and have the guts to lie. When I met them, there was 0 guilt or regret in his face, like completely no emotions at all. "Yes, Tina is a wonderful woman" said with ice cold voice. So shocking really, at my birthday they were so sweet to each other Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 l think it is about their relationship and life to him. They met very young and it sounds like they've been through and done a lot in that time, all the serious heavy stuff. living like that from so young can cause you to pop eventually because he missed out on just living in his young years, instead he's been all caught up in them and achievements. ln a sitch like that sometimes say one disappears for a few weeks the other has time to just stop and just realize what life has been the last 10yrs and for him maybe the just living he didn't get to do. And maybe she put on a lot more pressure than she realizes right through too as women often do but especially younger ones. Just sayin what it sounds like to me, maybe l'm wrong but they're my thoughts. I'm sure there was some pressure, especially from Tina's parents, also she has become much more outgoing than him and took a lot of initiative of them meeting friends and attending events. She told me he was really fun and outgoing in his younger days too, but changed a lot. Nowadays she was the one pushing him to go get his own circle of friends and spend time with them and go out without her hanging around (as I said, she's very cool and not jealous at all). But he says he realized how good it feels to be alone, didn't even want to go see his parents or friends. Maybe the relationship was too intense for too many years for him. He said there was a time he wanted to marry her and have children, but right now doesn't feel anything at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 But I really don't like this depression and needing to go to see the psychiatrist narrative, it feels like taking the attention away from what he's doing - dumping a gf of 10 who has done so much for him. She was the one cooking, cleaning, taking care of his clothes while also studying and later working full time. Tina has spent a night at the hospital and got heavy sedatives prescribed to her, and yet it's still all about Jay and "poor him he has depression and lost emotions" Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 (edited) I'm sure there was some pressure, especially from Tina's parents, also she has become much more outgoing than him and took a lot of initiative of them meeting friends and attending events. She told me he was really fun and outgoing in his younger days too, but changed a lot. Nowadays she was the one pushing him to go get his own circle of friends and spend time with them and go out without her hanging around (as I said, she's very cool and not jealous at all). But he says he realized how good it feels to be alone, didn't even want to go see his parents or friends. Maybe the relationship was too intense for too many years for him. He said there was a time he wanted to marry her and have children, but right now doesn't feel anything at all Ahhh right , see there it all is right there. The nudging and pushing and pressure she tells you about will be much much more than that but she won't realize it. She's driving me a bit crazy already. Another thing is being tied down with one girl right through the 20's years, becomes really hard over years. l'd be wondering if he met someone too , or at least just wishin he was just free and out meeting other girls or just doing what he wants again for once, he'd forget what that's like. Edited August 6, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 Apparently he figured out he's gay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 ...he's gay Oh dear. 10 years of cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry and looking after and looking out for him... I hope his new bf is up to the task... Link to post Share on other sites
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