Should I give him my # or accept the fact that he wants nothing to do with me?

[Wonderingwonder]

I work at an organization (I am leaving for a much better job!), and I find the maintenance man attractive. Don't laugh. Please just give me advice and dont clown me because he works in maintenance. -_-

 

I want to get to know him. For a couple of months, he would reciprocate my eye contact, he would come around and purposely be seen; he would "stumble" upon me whenever I was around by myself, but if I was with other coworkers, never; always coming around me and making eye contact, not really cleaning, but still wouldnt come up to talk to me; he would smile a goofy shy smile when crossing paths, say goodnight if I was leaving for work. He is extremely quiet and seems shy. He keeps to himself. He also acts really nervous around me. But after he wouldn't talk to me, I distanced myself from him. I just wasnt around much anymore. I've done this a few times on and off. The last time I distanced myself, he began to avoid me too and to this day he hasn't stopped avoiding me. He doesnt come on my floor anymore. I have tried talking to him, but he seems to run away before I can even get to him. He stays away from me now. But he still acts really nervous on the off chance that I do see him. Since he's avoided me, he has come around very briefly, looks at me briefly, then he leaves my floor. Very weird behavior. I am leaving the job for a much better job. I was going to leave a note near his bag that says ''I got a job somewhere else. Would you like to meet me for a drink sometime?'' Then list my name and #.

 

Do you think I should or shouldn't? On one hand, it seems he is totally avoiding me and wants nothing to do with me for whatever reason. On the other hand, based on my intuition and judging off of the way he behaved before he avoided me, my gut says he did like me and that since I wont see him again, why not leave him the note and see what happens? Isnt the worse that can happen is he doesnt call? If he thinks to himself, ''ugh, creeper, why dont she leave me alone'', at least I wont have to see him again and he wont have to deal with me again. But if he really does like me, I may miss out on something if I dont take a chance and leave the note. hat way, at least I gave him my # at my exit. I just think, why not? Or is it obvious he doesnt want anything to do with me and I shouldnt even waste my time leaving him the note?

[d0nnivain]

I think you are misreading the situation. He probably likes you but he may see his job as an impediment. He may worry that he's not good enough for you. This is making him more nervous & more shy.

 

Instead of leaving him your # on a note, seek him out & speak to him. Invite him out for a drink to celebrate your new job. If you just leave him the note he won't call because he'll fear he's being punk'd. He needs to see the sincerity in your face when you invite him.

[PRW]

 

• he would reciprocate my eye contact,
  
• he would come around and purposely be seen;
  
• he would "stumble" upon me whenever I was around by myself, but if I was with other coworkers, never;
  
• always coming around me and making eye contact, not really cleaning,
  
• but still wouldnt come up to talk to me;
  
• he would smile a goofy shy smile when crossing paths, say goodnight if I was leaving for work.
  
• He is extremely quiet and seems shy.
  
• He keeps to himself.
  
• He also acts really nervous around me.
  
• I have tried talking to him, but he seems to run away before I can even get to him.
  
• But he still acts really nervous on the off chance that I do see him.
  
• he's avoided me, he has come around very briefly, looks at me briefly, then he leaves my floor.
  
• Very weird behavior.
  

I was going to leave a note near his bag that says ''I got a job somewhere else. Would you like to meet me for a drink sometime?'' Then list my name and #. Do you think I should or shouldn't?

 

You never even had a REAL conversation with him the entire time!!! He sounds dysfunctional to me.

 

Isnt the worse that can happen is he doesnt call?

How about they find you buried in the dirt floor of his basement?

[Wonderingwonder]

You never even had a REAL conversation with him the entire time!!! He sounds dysfunctional to me.

 

How about they find you buried in the dirt floor of his basement?

 

I've tried talking to him, so I dont see how the bolded is relevant unless you're saying he must be crazy since he's acting this way when we haven't talked yet.

[Wonderingwonder]

I think you are misreading the situation. He probably likes you but he may see his job as an impediment. He may worry that he's not good enough for you. This is making him more nervous & more shy.

 

Instead of leaving him your # on a note, seek him out & speak to him. Invite him out for a drink to celebrate your new job. If you just leave him the note he won't call because he'll fear he's being punk'd. He needs to see the sincerity in your face when you invite him.

 

Someone on this thread said he sounds crazy and unstable. Does it sound that way to you? Should I avoid it?

[PRW]

I've tried talking to him, so I dont see how the bolded is relevant unless you're saying he must be crazy since he's acting this way when we haven't talked yet.

 

 

Someone on this thread said he sounds crazy and unstable. Does it sound that way to you? Should I avoid it?

 

 

I didn't say crazy or unstable. I said dysfunctional. That means he is not able to interact in a normal social manner. This has more to do with all the other things I listed,...not just the fact that you haven't had much conversation with him.

[Wonderingwonder]

I didn't say crazy or unstable. I said dysfunctional. That means he is not able to interact in a normal social manner. This has more to do with all the other things I listed,...not just the fact that you haven't had much conversation with him.

 

Burying me in the dirt floor of his basement is pretty crazy to me.

[stillafool]

Maybe he knows you are interested in him, he already has a woman and is uncomfortable around you because he knows you want him. It would seem if he were interested he's had plenty of opportunities to make it known. But, since you are leaving why not give him your number and see for sure.

[Wonderingwonder]

Maybe he knows you are interested in him, he already has a woman and is uncomfortable around you because he knows you want him. It would seem if he were interested he's had plenty of opportunities to make it known. But, since you are leaving why not give him your number and see for sure.

 

I thought of that as a possibility too, but then I thought, he started avoiding me after I started avoiding him, and he was flirting back it seemed before that. That's why I wanted to give him my number to be sure.

[basil67]

I've tried talking to him, so I dont see how the bolded is relevant

 

It's relevant because the only thing you've told us about him is that he's socially inept. Perhaps it would help if you told us his positive traits and why you're attracted to him.

[Wonderingwonder]

Anyway...

 

Thanks to those who gave advice.

[PRW]

Burying me in the dirt floor of his basement is pretty crazy to me.

You asked what was the worst that could happen,........well, that was the worst that could happen.

 

When dealing with people who don't socially interact or communicate very well, you really have no idea about them. Many women who became unfortunate victims thought they were dealing with "nice guys" who were just "a little shy". My statement may have been somewhat hyperbolas, but I was just being straight with you.

[d0nnivain]

Someone on this thread said he sounds crazy and unstable. Does it sound that way to you? Should I avoid it?

 

No. I think he sounds socially awkward. Not crazy or unstable.

 

Ask him for that drink & evaluate you him as you get to know him. If you see signs of crazy walk away. But don't hold his awkwardness against him. It may also be that he has a GF but you don't know that.

 

You have nothing to lose by asking the guy for a drink but you may lose the chance for a great relationship if you don't ask.

[Wonderingwonder]

You asked what was the worst that could happen,........well, that was the worst that could happen.

 

When dealing with people who don't socially interact or communicate very well, you really have no idea about them. Many women who became unfortunate victims thought they were dealing with "nice guys" who were just "a little shy". My statement may have been somewhat hyperbolas, but I was just being straight with you.

 

Damn...

 

I REALLY wanted to leave that note too. But I'm not trying to get killed or stalked.

 

Sigh, crap.

[Wonderingwonder]

No. I think he sounds socially awkward. Not crazy or unstable.

 

Ask him for that drink & evaluate you him as you get to know him. If you see signs of crazy walk away. But don't hold his awkwardness against him. It may also be that he has a GF but you don't know that.

 

You have nothing to lose by asking the guy for a drink but you may lose the chance for a great relationship if you don't ask.

 

Thanks, I appreciate your advice!

[Flame Aura]

Agreed he does sound pretty weird.

 

 

I'm all for the male taking the lead when they like a woman, but I guess every once in a while nothing wrong with the woman making the first move.

 

 

Is this the best candidate though? I would say no.

[basil67]

Seriously though, what is it about him which attracts you? We could give better advice if we knew more about how you connect.

[Wonderingwonder]

Seriously though, what is it about him which attracts you? We could give better advice if we knew more about how you connect.

 

I did write how we connected but you don't see it that way because you weren't involved or participating in it. I felt like there was a mutual connection and attraction. I'm attracted to him. I like the way he looks and carries himself. I like his gentleness. I like his shyness. I like his voice. I like his mystery. I want to know more about him. And I liked how we interacted. I felt a connection. But these are things people aren't going to understand online...so that's why I didn't want to get into it. It was in the moment things. But it looks like that moment is gone now for whatever reason so I might as well forget it.

[Springsummer]

I did write how we connected but you don't see it that way because you weren't involved or participating in it. I felt like there was a mutual connection and attraction. I'm attracted to him. I like the way he looks and carries himself. I like his gentleness. I like his shyness. I like his voice. I like his mystery. I want to know more about him. And I liked how we interacted. I felt a connection. But these are things people aren't going to understand online...so that's why I didn't want to get into it. It was in the moment things. But it looks like that moment is gone now for whatever reason so I might as well forget it.

 

Trust your gut. That's your BEST guide.

[Springsummer]

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

[Springsummer]

No. I think he sounds socially awkward. Not crazy or unstable.

 

Ask him for that drink & evaluate you him as you get to know him. If you see signs of crazy walk away. But don't hold his awkwardness against him. It may also be that he has a GF but you don't know that.

 

You have nothing to lose by asking the guy for a drink but you may lose the chance for a great relationship if you don't ask.

 

Strongly agree with this.

 

or the awkwardness is due to his insecurity and strong attraction to you.

 

gosh, I also involuntary got nervous whenever I ran into the guy I am attracted to. You can feel the nervousness, probably the guy in my workplace can feel my nervousness too. We are peers, but he is just too good looking and that makes me feel insecure.

Edited August 7, 2019 by Springsummer

[PRW]

Damn...

 

I REALLY wanted to leave that note too. But I'm not trying to get killed or stalked.

 

Sigh, crap.

I'm not worried about anything happening on a 1st date (if you get one). I'm concerned that you may get a "clinger" that you can't get rid of, and they do some really weird crap when they later get rejected. I'm saying you have to keep this stuff in mind. You can still try to get a date with him,...just be watchful and not over-trusting.

[PRW]

or the awkwardness is due to his insecurity and strong attraction to you.

Being a guy, and knowing guys, and having past experiences with a guy who caused a female friend a huge amount of problems years ago,...I just have a deeper negative gut feeling about the guy. She (the OP) can try to get the date, but she needs to be cautious and not blindly over-trusting.

 

gosh, I also involuntary got nervous whenever I ran into the guy I am attracted to. You can feel the nervousness, probably the guy in my workplace can feel my nervousness too. We are peers, but he is just too good looking and that makes me feel insecure.

I understand, but his uneasiness could be for a different reason than yours. Be careful not to project your feelings, and reasons for them, onto the other person.

[elaine567]

How does he interact with other people at work?

[smackie9]

I think you are over romanticizing this whole thing. How can you feel a connection if you never really had a true conversation with him or know anything personal about him? The only connection you think you have is your attraction to him...and your imagination. We desire most what we can't have and with him being aloof increases that desire. So now you have this image of what you think he is in your head....it's just a fantasy. Every move he makes you plant it in your head as you both having this hot interaction of two ships passing in the night.

 

The reality is you make him feel awkward, he's not comfortable around you, this illusion you have of him will disappear the min you do find out what he's like, this won't work.