Married less than a year, new child and 2 of her own and she wants to join the guard!

[w3adams]

Hi all, heres is my situation. My wife of around 9 months and i have 3 children two from a previous relationship and the thrid is ours and is under 3 months old. Last week she asked what i thought if she decided the guard!!! this caught me out of the blue...of course, but i said no right off the bat. Well since then (2 weeks ago) she has done nothing but call me names for example 1. possesive 2.a**h*** 3.your type...and so on. And all this for the guard she even talks about leaving me for it. She acts like 2 1/2 months is no time and nothing can happen but i think that is a total load. but it seems she will not let it go, and im the bad guy . ive talked to my parents my pastor and several other folks they seem to side with me. But she of course has been talkin to a recruiter and one of her friends (who has a particular dislike for me) and they all tell her go for it. Ive tried to sit down and calmy talk about it but she wont, she just starts ranting and calling names then wont talk to me or touch me, or much less even look at me:( . please adivse on how to proceed.

 

 

thanks

will

[Ladyjane14]

Don't you have to sign over primary custody of your children to someone else while you're in basic training?

 

If they still do that....wait 'til she signs them over, then divorce her while she's in boot camp.

 

No....I'm joking, of course. It doesn't sound natural to me that she wants to leave her infant. Maybe she should follow up with her OB/GYN and get screened for Post-Partum Depression.

 

Depression isn't always characterized by sadness. This sounds a bit manic to me.

[ThumbingMyWay]

It doesn't sound natural to me that she wants to leave her infant. Maybe she should follow up with her OB/GYN and get screened for Post-Partum Depression.

 

Depression isn't always characterized by sadness. This sounds a bit manic to me.

 

thats exactly what I was going to say.....leaving for the graud with a 3 month old...call me old fashion...but a 3 month old needs its mother MORE than its daddy in these prescious first few months....

 

I would ask her to wait till the baby is at least 1 year old....

[hyjacked]

With all the responsibilities piling up it would appear to be an escape issue. Anyone ever brought that up to you before? Just the first thought that struck me.

 

Just married, new step mom, new baby, new course of life. That maybe much for her to manage and overwhelming a part of her. If that is somewhat of the case so why not the Guard...there is nothing for her to manage except herself.

 

Dont forget that even though she may "look" normal from just having a baby her hormones could be effecting her normal thinking and actions.

 

I'm not really Dr. Phil, I just play one on TV!

[Woggle]

If she wants to be an expendable robot for the Bush administration that is her choice.

[Chimerical]

Put her on here and I'll talk to her. Ha.

 

I'm a reservist for Marine Corps. I'll be deployed to Iraq in January. At least in the Marine Corps, we get home for a couple months after a year's deployment. How long do you think the Army, reserve and guard, have to stay deployed. Years! Not 7months to a year. A year to two.

 

Frankly, she's outta her mind. But I know from my past, that anything you say in regards to that will be blown off because right now she's riding a high with the recruiter chasing after her like she's hot s***!! My opinion, the more you fight against it, the more she'll want it. And the more she'll think you're trying to control her "destiny". or whatever.

 

Possibly try to research this with her. Find out where the reserve base is and talk to people in the guard, who've been in for a while. Go to: http://forums.military.com/groupee/forums/a/frm/f/837191012 for recruiting questions. Or here's one for Army National Guard specifically: http://forums.military.com/groupee/forums/a/frm/f/2811946395 If she won't ask the right questions, you can get on and ask them. They'll probably treat you like your the devil, but if you explain the situation to them, I'm sure they would agree with you.

 

Help her write up a list of questions to ask them. IE. "How many people died from your unit?" "How did they die?", and "Can you describe that in detail?"

 

She needs to come face to face with some realities about her decision. More Army then Marines have died. 2 from my unit died from shrapnel during the last deployment. We're not front line. We're freaking support!! 2 died during the first deployment too. Out of maybe 80 Marines.

 

I agree with the hormone, or postpartum depression. Maybe you could talk to her recruiter about your concerns for her. Don't trust him, but find out what you can and then verify it through other sources.

 

Also, she can join guard for a one year enlistment I think. Make sure it's reserve status. (Not sure how guard works in this respect.)

 

And talk to her about why she wants this. Escape? Freedom? Maybe she's feeling like she's a wet nurse and not a human being. See if you can cut through her crap, keep reminding her that you want to understand her. Not that you disagree, or how you feel. Don't say a single word of how you feel. Find out why she wants this, what it means to her. THEN, later, you can discuss you. But it's almost sounding as if you put your foot down, she took offense, and now you're at a stalemate. One of you has to be smarter then the other and break the stalemate. Sounds like you volunteered.

 

One last thing. If she's older.... anything above 21. She thinks she's escaping to an exciting world. HA! It's having your every move under scrutiny, told when you can use the head, when you can sit, when you can sleep, when you can eat. There are no sick days, and no one cares who you are. You're a number!! Expendable. They don't care if you die, or not, or who is left at home to raise the motherless children. They don't think of you as human being. You're nothing to them. Tell her to contact me. I can give you my email addy if you need it.

[ThumbingMyWay]

If she wants to be an expendable robot for the Bush administration that is her choice.

 

dude..take your leftest BS over to the political threads. GEEZ....what would you call them if a Dem was in office?

 

sorry....but I just hate it when people use BUSH as a scapegoat. Our military has been around for a LONG TIME...and now that a Repub is in office, we refer to them as expenable robots. get a clue.....these people put there life on the line....regardless if its in Iraq, Bosnia, or New Orleans....

 

 

sorry for jacking

[w3adams]

Thank all of you...yes i had thought it was hormones esecially after these past 3 days...she would explode on me some days and be my best friend on others thanks all..I will sit down and mention maybe going back to the gyn and checking it out hopefully ill catch her on a good min

 

And please any other views and advice is very welcome