Have you ever had a practice/starter/placeholder BF/GF?

[E-Squared]

You know, someone either who you weren't really into or wasn't your first choice, but hey, the person is interested, so just go with it until someone better comes along? I have done this once, maybe twice (Well, the second one I pretty much led on as I made her think that I was into her; if you want to know more, feel free to PM me for details). I will note that I learned a valuable lesson for the second girl because I really hurt that girl big time.

 

The first girl, however, I had discussed her a few times. I usually don't count her as an ex, but I was able to tell at some point that she had hoped it would have been a committed relationship. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was either one day when she was sick and I made a lousy excuse not to go to her house or two days later when she wanted to spend time with me, but I had other plans of my own. I was able to tell that she was not happy about that.

 

What are your thoughts on practice BFs/GFs? Is it a terrible thing to do?

[divegrl]

My perspective is that this is one of the absolute worst things you can do to another human being. You are taking someone who cares about you and investing their energy in you.... and you’re using them as practice?!

 

No, just please don’t.

 

Have a beautiful day!

[The Outlaw]

No. I wouldn't want to give anyone a false sense of hope as I've been done.

[basil67]

Nope, never done it - would never do it. Using people is not cool.

[spiritedaway2003]

Nope. Never done it; never will. It’s selfish to use someone as “practice”.

 

I wouldn’t ever want someone to mess with my heart like that, and I sure won’t want to use or hurt another person in that cruel way. Never mess with people’s heart unless you have real interest and feelings for the other person.

[Flame Aura]

No?

 

 

What a weird thing to ask. Only someone who is selfish would do something like this.

[Rayce]

wow... I hope no one I know ever crosses your path. People don't like to be used.

[E-Squared]

wow... I hope no one I know ever crosses your path. People don't like to be used.

 

Both of what I had mentioned happened more than a decade ago. I learned a lot since then, but I was just asking if anybody has experienced this, whether being on the wrong of it or not.

[mark clemson]

Can't say that I have. Not every relationship that started (or seemed to start) turned into something, but I always gave it a chance to progress. Never sort of selected someone and said "I'll go out with them until I find someone I actually like" or similar.

[Woggle]

I had casual things in between marriages but everybody knew it was casual.

[Rayce]

Yeah I have been used and I didn't like it. In fact I was just recently used... that is why I am here. It's been over 9 months and I am still trying to recover from it... so... if it was a decade ago why are you asking now?

[E-Squared]

Yeah I have been used and I didn't like it. In fact I was just recently used... that is why I am here. It's been over 9 months and I am still trying to recover from it... so... if it was a decade ago why are you asking now?

 

Because I sometimes ask myself how different things would have been if I had shown more affection and was actually into those two, or if I would have just politely shot them down. But no, I just went with it. Regarding the girl I led on, I think my ego was fed a lot that I was more into the fact that someone was into me, rather than being into that person.

 

Of course, I tell myself that I shouldn't dwell on it.

[Mr. Lucky]

What are your thoughts on practice BFs/GFs? Is it a terrible thing to do?

 

I had this kind of relationship the summer after I graduated from high school, long time ago. She was very intense and I wasn't, but it was nice to be with someone. I dropped her inelegantly as college started, she was away as a camp counselor and I was getting ready for school. Sent her a "it's not you, it's me" letter and ducked her calls for the next week.

 

Not my finest moment, but I was young and dumb, a trend unfortunately carrying over into my first marriage. Saw her at our 10 year high school reunion and apologized profusely. She was very gracious, which of course made me feel worse. Life is a tough teacher...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Blanco]

Never done it, since I actually avoid relationships unless I'm really into the person.

 

I actually kind of think that people who are perennially in a relationship are doing a more mild version of what the OP describes. Like, they're into the person enough, but probably know it's not something that's going to last more than a few months, or a couple years max.

[Rayce]

Because I sometimes ask myself how different things would have been if I had shown more affection and was actually into those two, or if I would have just politely shot them down. But no, I just went with it. Regarding the girl I led on, I think my ego was fed a lot that I was more into the fact that someone was into me, rather than being into that person.

 

Of course, I tell myself that I shouldn't dwell on it.

 

Maybe your just stroking your ego again

[d0nnivain]

Everyone has a "starter" significant other. Somebody has to be 1st. That doesn't mean you date them because you can't do any better.

 

If a man asked me out & I was on the fence, especially through OLD, I would usually go to see if I liked the person better IRL / on the date. . . I'd give somebody a chance. But if I wasn't feeling it, I ended it there. I never lead somebody on just to have somebody pay attention to me & stroke my ego while I was waiting for somebody else.

[LuckyM]

My suspicion is that this is or was common but people do not want to admit it the way you phrased it. If you are doing this, how do you know she is not doing this? Maybe you both are!

Obviously it is not respectful to the other one, unless the girl suggests to you that she is so casual and does not care one way or the other. Maybe she is cavalier about it and wants to date, regardless of outcomes.

 

 

In retrospect, our dates turn out to be practice when we look back but were not intended as such.

[Curiousroxy86]

Imo if you know you don’t want them like that and you never tell them and you continue to go on spend time with them/have sex knowing it’s not going to be anything more and you know they want more then that is so not okay. That’s deceptive and manipulative and you wouldn’t want anyone doing you that way.

 

However

 

If you told the person you don’t want anything more and they still want to offer themselves on a platter then it’s fair game

 

So the moral of the story is be up front that you don’t want a relationship

[Saracena]

Never done it, since I actually avoid relationships unless I'm really into the person..

 

And me! Was never of the mindset I simply had to be seeing someone! I've turned down many offers over the years until I found someone I was truly attracted to and into! (Ironically one boyfriend later told me his friends said he was 'wasting his time' asking me out owing to my previous behaviour with others!)