ironpony Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) I am heavily thinking of moving to Vancouver to advance my potential career in filmmaking but my family and gf keep trying to talk me out of it. They love me, but they say they tell me I won't be able to do it cause I am autistic, and you don't know anything about living in the big city, and industry will eat me and all my money alive, etc etc. I feel that they are trying to talk me out of it so much that maybe I should just act like I am not moving and secretly and discretely move there, without them even knowing, and then once I have moved, just send them a email and explain that I had to without telling them, just so I could do it, without them driving me more crazy about it. Then tell me gf that I love her and that if she still wants to be in a relationship with me, I am completely willing to, long distance. She said that it won't work if I do but I am still willing to. I know it's crazy, but does it sound like the best idea, given that they are making any moving, more difficult for me? Edited August 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 ironpony you should think about this for 3 to 6 months before you make any moves. your family and gf are looking out for your best interest. If after 6 months you still want to move then by all means do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 Oh okay, but I've been thinking about this for years though, actually, does that make any difference? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Oh okay, but I've been thinking about this for years though, actually, does that make any difference? not really...you also have to make sure you've got a job lined up in Vancouver BEFORE you move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Have you contacted any potential clients in Vancouver or passed a resume' around highlighting your skills? I mean it's exciting to think about throwing yourself off the cliff but to be successful you have to have some indication of a soft landing. How about short trips to Vancouver where you can familiarize yourself with the city and the business atmosphere? Would that not be the more prudent step to take? If you do choose to vanish then expect to lose your GF. That may not be a problem for you but if she is smart she will act based on her own best interests which is not an LDR. Keep in mind that if she wants to be with you and has accepted your limitations. It's much harder to get someone new to commit to a relationship under the same conditions. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 great advice schlumpy Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 If my boyfriend moved to another city without telling me, the relationship would be over. There would be no discussion about a long distance relationship. It would be over. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 I feel that they are trying to talk me out of it so much that maybe I should just act like I am not moving and secretly and discretely move there, without them even knowing, and then once I have moved, just send them a email and explain that I had to without telling them, just so I could do it, without them driving me more crazy about it. One of two things is true - - This move makes sense for you. If so, head held high, you'd be transparent about the timeline, details and reasons with any and all who care about you - this move is the wrong thing to do. If so, you'll sneak out of town because you don't believe in it enough to stand up for yourself Pick the one that applies. I'll also add both of the dynamics above - self-belief, persistence, confidence and integrity, or lack thereof - would impact any success you might have breaking into a competitive industry in a new city. Best of luck... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 ^^^^ This. Exactly. With respect, sneaking out of town under the cover of darkness is not the action of a grown up man. If you want respect, then you need to make responsible decisions and act maturely. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Method in madness. He gets to pursue his dreams without family intervention, and he gets to ditch the "incompatible" gf at the same time without the "awkwardness". Not his fault if she won't do LDR... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 He gets to pursue his dreams without family intervention Are they going to lock him in the basement? Chain him to the mailbox? As Bailey said, either he's a grown-up, or he's not. And that includes how he treats family and romantic partners... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 It all depends. Vancouver is good for the film industry but until you get your big break what are your short term plans on how to support yourself? How far from your home is Vancouver? Have you ever lived on your own before? Have you ever been there before? Do you know the lay of the land? Also why Vancouver vs. NYC or Hollywood? You don't have to share why on here but you better have reasons. If you have not spend significant time in Vancouver, do that -- at least take a 2 week vacation there -- to see if you can find a place to live & get yourself a job. Do you think your GF will break up with you if you move? How do you feel about that? Anything that involves sneaking doesn't sound like that great of a plan but it is OK to work toward your goals without disclosing them to everybody else. Once you have everything in place then you can announce it to them about a week before you leave. Don't just sneak out without saying goodbye then send an email. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 The question here is not really whether Vancouver is a good place to live and find employment. As Donnivain said, you can certainly investigate that on your own and make your decision OP. The more important question here is whether or not his family and his girlfriend have the right to know that he is picking up and moving to Vancouver, before he leaves town. And the answer is unanimous OP, to leave town without telling those who love you that you are leaving is not a wise plan... there are more responsible and mature ways to go about this... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Vancouver is good for the film industry but until you get your big break what are your short term plans on how to support yourself? How far from your home is Vancouver? Have you ever lived on your own before? Have you ever been there before? Do you know the lay of the land? Also ironpony, are you a Canadian citizen? Not so easy to move to another country and be eligible to work... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 sometimes it is good to take the jump, to break out on your own, follow your own path and live your dreams, then other times it is better to simply stay put- "be careful what you wish for" My instincts tend to be surprisingly good and while I do not know you from Adam or the first thing about you, for some reason I feel this move will not go well for you, appreciate what you have- stay where you are, Schlumpy above probably puts it better:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) Yes, I'm Canadian. The question here is not really whether Vancouver is a good place to live and find employment. As Donnivain said, you can certainly investigate that on your own and make your decision OP. The more important question here is whether or not his family and his girlfriend have the right to know that he is picking up and moving to Vancouver, before he leaves town. And the answer is unanimous OP, to leave town without telling those who love you that you are leaving is not a wise plan... there are more responsible and mature ways to go about this... You're right, I can't just sneak out without telling them, it's just I feel that way in order to get them to stop me from doing it. Vancouver is good for the film industry but until you get your big break what are your short term plans on how to support yourself? How far from your home is Vancouver? Have you ever lived on your own before? Have you ever been there before? Do you know the lay of the land? I don't know how to support myself yet. The city is so costly to live in, I would have to get a very high paying job for sure, hopefully something... It's quite far away from where I am, about a two hour flight. I haven't lived on my own before, but I've been there before once on a vacation, and know the lay somewhat? Edited August 8, 2019 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Vancouver is definately an expensive city to live in! Even our suburbs are expensive to live in. Alot of rentals now advertise rooms for rent which takes the searching for roommates first out of the equation. It's a beautiful city and the downtown vibe is perfect for aspiring young people...note so bad for the older folk too Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 It's a beautiful city and the downtown vibe is perfect for aspiring young people...note so bad for the older folk too�� Maddieandtae, when I was there earlier this year, I noticed a much smaller homeless population than US cities of similar size, climate and demographics. How do they do it? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Vancouver is definately an expensive city to live in! Even our suburbs are expensive to live in. Alot of rentals now advertise rooms for rent which takes the searching for roommates first out of the equation. It's a beautiful city and the downtown vibe is perfect for aspiring young people...note so bad for the older folk too�� Yeah other filmmakers I know who live there, a couple of them, say to just rent places outside the city in the outer areas, cause the rent is a lot cheaper, but it doesn't look like much to me, I am not seeing what they are talking about. I read it was the 3rd most expensive city to live in in the world, so I do find that quite intimidating for sure. Maddieandtae, when I was there earlier this year, I noticed a much smaller homeless population than US cities of similar size, climate and demographics. How do they do it? Mr. Lucky Maybe it's such an expensive city to live in that the homeless would rather spend what money they can get in a cheaper city? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 I don't know how to support myself yet. The city is so costly to live in, I would have to get a very high paying job for sure, hopefully something... It's quite far away from where I am, about a two hour flight. I haven't lived on my own before, but I've been there before once on a vacation, and know the lay somewhat? Do not move to Vancouver. You are not prepared to do so. You need to live on your own close to home where you have a support system before you try this all on your own with nobody close by to help you. First come up with a budget. How much will it cost for rent, food, cable, your phone, transportation, medical care, entertainment, etc. Now where are you going to get a job(s) that will enable you to earn that much, plus save for your future & leave you time to work toward your film goal. Do that for a at least a year to prove to yourself that you can make it without financial help from anybody else. Then you can consider moving to Vancouver but you will have to add the costs of returning home at least 1x per year to your budget. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 good advice d0nnivian Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 9, 2019 Author Share Posted August 9, 2019 Oh okay. I was thinking maybe instead of moving it might be best to just make a feature film to break into the industry. I posted about it before here: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/669655-how-do-i-not-let-other-people-discourage-me-out-my-goal But everyone says it's a bad idea, and I should move to where movies are being made and start out in different positions instead. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 Oh okay. I was thinking maybe instead of moving it might be best to just make a feature film to break into the industry. ironpony you need to make the next blair witch project Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 9, 2019 Author Share Posted August 9, 2019 Oh? Why that one? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 Oh? Why that one? cause it will make you rich and famous Link to post Share on other sites
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