Ex Girlfriend after 12 year Breakup Might Want Me Back

[Saturn98]

I have been in limited contact with my ex girlfriend for the past year. She broke up with me 12 years ago. The limited contact started out as her initiating an IM once every 4 months and then increased it to once a month after May of this year.

 

By middle of June she IMed me her phone number and asked me to call her sometime. I waited 3 days to call. We talked for 40 minutes. Very positive interaction. It was at that time she brought up talk about the past and she had thought alot about how things got messed up between us. She brought up how her brother said she seemed happier when we were dating than she does now. At that time she said we might get back together.

 

Fast forward to late July I hear from my ex again. We talk more and she asks me when I'm going to meet her. I tell her I don't know when and that my schedule is booked up for at least the next week.

 

She claims she never dated anyone after me since the breakup. We talked more about old times. Then she asked me if I thought we could have more of those times again and that she misses me. I told her I didn't know and that I would have to think about it.

 

Then as I end the conversation she gets more flirty calling me pet names like babe and dear like she used to do when we were dating.

 

This is an ex girlfriend I never got over. The one ex who got to my heart. I don't care for any of my other ex girlfriends. This one will always have a special place in my heart whether we get back together or not. I still have an old love letter from her.

 

I told her one of the reasons I need to think it over is because I don't have the same mental and physical stamina as I did 12 years ago for a relationship.

 

Well it has been over a week and I have not heard from my ex. Any chance she does not really want me back anyway and was just missing me temporarily? Should I just go back to no contact?

[Marc878]

She claims she never dated anyone after me since the breakup.

 

Well it has been over a week and I have not heard from my ex. Any chance she does not really want me back anyway and was just missing me temporarily? Should I just go back to no contact?

 

Never dated anyone but you for 12 years is BS. Everyone gets nostalgic but those feelings are fleeting.

 

Beware.

[Silver_star]

It sounds like she left the ball in your court.

You had to think it over....have you?

She is probably waiting for you to contact her.

 

What do you want?

Not sure why she broke up with you, but that info should play a role in your decision making at least a bit. Is it something that could be overcome with time?

 

Do you want to re-engage for a relationship with her? keeping in mind that you both have grown in this time apart, and will need to work on getting to know each other again...sounds like feelings are there on both sides, but that will need to be worked on too.

[Saturn98]

I would like to rekindle things and it would be nice if we got back together by the time the holiday season rolls around like a week before Thanksgiving. If not it's not a big deal. I'm not in a hurry and I should not be in a hurry anyway.

 

Why did she break up with me? Back then I was immature and she suffered a tragic death in her family of her Dad. It was not a natural cause death. He died of heart failure in his early 50s. She says she was grieveing at that time and her mind was all messed up from what happened. I tried to be supportive during that time but she would get easily irritable and pick fights with me and shut me out.

 

It seems like 12 years later she's starting to come out of it and getting back to normal with her life.

[Silver_star]

I know holidays are a nice time to be around the people close to you and make memories, but something like this can not be rushed or put under pressure.

What if she has other holiday plans?

 

I think you should reach out to her in a friendly way and approach it as if you are getting to know each other again as friends. If more develops naturally, so be it. But protect yourself by moving slowly, and not expecting anything, and by setting boundaries with her too. Be sure her intentions arent just to use you to get over something else going on in her life.

[schlumpy]

Nostalgia is a dangerous feeling. It can lead you to open a door that was better off shut.

 

Whatever caused you two to break up may or may not still be there. Twelve years is long enough to change outlooks and attitudes.

 

I would be leery about letting her back in unless I know what she's been doing the last 12 years.

 

There's a big difference in having four or five LTRs and rethinking her life with you or not being able to handle the party scene any longer and remembering you as a safe haven. Maybe the biological clock is ticking a lot louder.

 

Of course, that may not make any difference to you. You may have your own history but you don't want any big surprises down the road if you do get back together.

[Saturn98]

I know for myself that I have no desire to ever get married or even live with a girlfriend. I'm not looking for any full time eelationship. If reconciliation does materialize I'd be satisfied to date her twice a week for the rest of my life.

 

The last time I had a girlfriend was 7 years ago. That relationship failed partially because she wanted full time commitment from me and I was not ready. Plus she wanted kids.

 

But the ex from 12 years ago? She wasn't really into marriage. That makes her low maintanence in my book.

 

Again I'm not in a hurry. I don't mind if it takes another year before we get back together. I waited 12 years so waiting 1 more year and thinking it over during that time is nothing.

Edited August 8, 2019 by Saturn98