Buffer Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 As long as you are content good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooLateNow Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 Things just keep getting better with my wife and I. We have become so happy together. She has become so caring and attentive. It is like a dream come true to me. Our marriage is now everything I ever wanted out of a marriage (in the present not including the past travails). She is trying so hard to be the best wife she can be for me and is doing an amazing job of that! It is making me want to be an even better husband, and she already had said since the beginning that I had ALWAYS treated her like a princess. I feel like I have now TOTALLY forgiven her for her affairs (and for treating me really terribly also over the years). I also feel like I can TOTALLY trust her now (although I know that might be dumb and I guess I can still get some anxiety at times). I have also completely quit drinking. As I mentioned in my earlier posts, I had major substance abuse issues when I was younger but had quit for decades until about four or five years ago after our youngest daughter died at the age of 21. However, I have completely quit drinking again now and have no desire whatsoever to drink at all. It is like it was when I quit the first time (and during those twenty plus years I never faltered even once so I think this is going to stick this time as well). I am still using marijuana tincture in the evenings at times. I know that is not great but it is less harmful physically than alcohol and my psychologist is not telling me to stop. It helps with the occasionally overwhelming grief I still feel over the death of my youngest daughter. I do hope that I eventually cut the marijuana tincture out of my habits, but for now it is still helping me and my doctor is not telling me to quit, so I will not stress about this at this time. I did talk with my wife about us having sex every day and how I feel sometimes like she is doing that to manipulate me or to help me get over the hurt she put me through in the past. I told her we do not have to have sex every day because I am much better and she does not have to do that. It turns out that she just really likes having sex with me a lot. I like having sex a lot also, so I guess we are good there. We have both always been that way from the very start of our dating to this day (except for a brief time during her third affair). I do wonder if her being raped twice as a young person has a lot to do with her extremely strong sex drive. If it does I hope her therapist gets that figured out and "fixed" if that needs to be done. Anyway, I have let her know that there will be no pressure from me if she ever feels the need to cut back (although I did not tell her that I would probably be a little disappointed because, like I said, I do like having sex a lot). At this point, I feel like I am totally over her affairs. I still sometimes have negative thoughts or feelings about it invade my mind, but my therapist has taught me ways to deal with that when it occurs, which is not very often at this point, and it has been going very well, I believe mostly because of how good I feel overall about the current state of our marriage. So now in therapy we are moving on to other bigger issues for me, primarily dealing with the death of my daughter and also dealing with the pain and struggles of dealing with one of my grandson's battle with cancer, which has been going on for about five years now with lots of ups and downs (currently stable but still with some cancer in his little body). My biggest struggle in therapy is likely going to be with forgiving myself for doing some pretty awful things to other people (not my wife) when I was a young crazy drug dealer (who also happened to be a rage-aholic due to being physically abused as a child), but we are not ready to tackle that yet and have not really done too much with that yet in therapy. One of my biggest regrets is that I waited so long to confront the problems with my wife and in my marriage because once I finally did so (with prompting from my therapist and a LOT of GREAT advice from people on here), it was all resolved very positively and pretty quickly. Hopefully I have learned the lesson that it is a very bad idea to let things fester like I did. Best wishes to all! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Sorry to hear about your daughter and grandson. Happy for you that reconciliation seems to be working out so well. Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 I am glad it is working in your favour. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 (edited) On 8/8/2019 at 7:29 PM, TooLateNow said: We tried marriage counseling after her third affair and I was a disaster in my opinion. My wife insisted that we not disclose or discuss her affair, so ti was probably doomed to fail in any event. About ten minutes into the session, the counselor stated that everything surely must be entirely my fault and we should just prepare to divorce. Even my wife thought that was ridiculous. We never went back. Full disclosure is THE ONLY way Edited December 24, 2019 by Daisydooks Link to post Share on other sites
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