Stalking my social media

[brownygoldy]

This is an update on the situation with my ex who I have posted about previously.

 

To sum it up:

 

Dated for a year

Strongest and best part of the relationship was our sexual and intimate connection - felt very connected and in love

Dynamic of the relationship was that I was the caring, available partner whilst he was the guy who wanted to be in my life and see me but not offer commitment

We ended peacefully due to these reasons after a year of dating and then bumped into each other during a night out a few months later which ended in disaster

I fractured my arm and ended up in hospital, he came with me to help and looked after me, we ended up sleeping together which reignited my strong feelings but he maintained that he didn’t want to get back into things as they were unhealthy previously and we had too many issues

We blocked each other’s numbers and social media profiles. This was in Dec18

 

It took me a few months to get over him but successfully I did and was able to look back with a clear head, realising that minus the sexual element (still something I miss), our relationship wasn’t great. I was looking to the relationship to fill gaps in my life = unhealthy, and he was also. I looked back and realised that I wouldn’t now be attracted to some of his qualities which I found irresistible at the time.

 

Essentially, I had moved on and accepted he wouldn’t be a part of my future. I unblocked him as had no reason to block out of resentment or for “out of sight out of mind” anymore.

 

A month ago, I see that he’s unblocked me also. He then starts posting WhatsApp stories (something neither of us has done before) of him in my location to catch my attention and then proceeds to watch all of my Instagram stories which he is continuing to do so. He also put his account public with a Story relating to Cricket (which I was posting about at the time during the WC as I’m a big fan - he is not, and as soon as I saw the Story he privatised his account). At first I was surprised, then came a bit of annoyance as I didn’t like him essentially “stalking” me without officially following or contacting me as I believe adults should do if they want to engage, but I guess that’s just the world of social media and how it works. From this annoyance, I decided to “Follow” him on Instagram - he rejected my Follow request but still continues to watch my Stories.

 

I feel drawn back to him and the feeling of magnetism I had for him coming back which is dangerous as it’s overpowering the level-headed assessment I had come to regarding this. I will be honest and acknowledge that a lot of this is to do with our powerful sexual connection and life which I miss. I’ve slept with one person since and although the sex was great, he was very experienced, I just felt nothing. Whereas with this guy I felt a connection from the first time although he was less experienced (I was the 2nd woman he’d been with).. Strange how we have a strong connection with some and not others...

 

I guess the simple solution would be to Block him again but I’m curious to know what he wants after all of these months as he’s trying to catch my attention without being mature (in my eyes) and just saying “Hello”. I guess I would like an apology for the last time we saw each other but that isn’t in my control. Any recommendations on the best thing to do going forward?

Edited August 8, 2019 by brownygoldy

[d0nnivain]

Why would you unblock an EX? People put so much personal stuff on social media. An EX is no longer entitled to that level of knowledge about your day to day activities. Plus why on earth would you want to know those things about an EX.

 

Completely disconnect on all platforms & stay that way. Even if you don't want to "block" at least unfriend & unfollow.

 

I really don't understand why people find this so complicated. If they aren't in your life, they shouldn't be on your social media.

[BC1980]

I would just block him again. He's just curious, which is completely normal after a relationship ends. We've all looked up our exes on social media.

 

It's also not uncommon for a guy to keep you in his orbit after a relationship ends for access to sex. You've already had sex with him once after you broke up, so he assumes you'd be okay with it again. I would stay far away from this guy. It's the allure of chasing someone you can't pin down, and that can be a hard dynamic to break.

[rjc149]

If you miss the sexual passion, you can bet he does 5x. He's a guy. He's still sexually attracted to you, and he's keeping tabs on you.

 

If all you want from him in an apology, you likely won't get one, and you know you can do without one. It doesn't seem to me like that's all you want from him. Seems to me you want what he wants, but you're self-aware enough to know you'll end up with the baggage.

[brownygoldy]

Haha, you’re all right.

 

I shouldn’t have unblocked him but did because I was also curious to see what he’s up to.

 

He knew the love I had for him so is probably looking to try his luck but is wary reigniting emotions which would then cause complications in both of our lives which is why I think he hasn’t reached out

 

I hope he is missing the sexual passion! Makes me feel less weird for missing it. Because I felt so dead inside with my last partner after this guy, I guess I want confirmation that I can still be sexually excited. My last partner was incredibly attractive and I thought I’d be really into him sexually, as I said he was very experienced, stamina, everything.. but I just wasn’t there.

 

Any insights into what drives sexual connections? A major worry of mine is ending up with a partner who I don’t have an intimate connection with and having had it I know what I’d be missing out on. I’m lucky to have had it twice in my life and these are the two partners which remain in my mind. First guy was a 6 year abusive narcissistic but incredibly passionate relationship which I don’t think I’ve fully healed from and 2nd guy is the subject of this thread. We just gelled and I felt so comfortable with him, we didn’t sleep together until 6 dates in and didn’t kiss until 3 dates in, a lot of our first dates involved him rubbing my feet (strange but I like foot massages and he liked giving them), we were very comfortable and loving towards each other. Intimately for him and for me I was loving towards him inside and outside of the bedroom.

 

I think he must be missing that element too but can’t offer more which is why he hasn’t got in touch - he’s doing the mature thing I guess!

[brownygoldy]

Saying that it really fluctuates for me, sometimes the thought of having sex disgusts me nowadays and since things ended horribly for us in December, I wasn’t attracted to men whatsoever and sex especially. It was 5-6 months later, in May that I was ready to date again and that’s the mention of my last partner, which also ended quite badly and I’m contemplating posting about that but going into it seems quite heavy.

 

I cancelled a first date tonight because of this reason - dating just seems exhausting right now. He didn’t take it well, was very annoyed at me. I apologised and gave enough notice but think he must be in a different place to me. I was busy over the weekend to start with but he was insistent that I make time to meet so I agreed and ended up cancelling citing my previous plans as the reason - he wasn’t understanding at all so a bit of a red flag there.

 

I still have some of my ex’s on my mind a lot, they’re in the periphery of my life. I feel like I need to detox myself of them and not interested in adding another layer of complication to my life through dating at the moment.

 

Then again sometimes I feel like being in contact with my last 2 guys - because I miss them and they were a “known” and a point of comfort, I know it’s not healthy though so have succeeded in not reaching out as of yet.

[Fekenaws]

Don't read into the situation more than you have been.

 

Everyone keeps tabs on their exes, in this day and age it's too easy not to. I watch all my exes snapchats, but I still don't reach out to them. When they do reach out, which has happened on several occasions, I'm polite and friendly, but that's as far as I'll go because I was the dumpee. If they want more, they WILL put in the effort. If they want to see you, they WILL let you know. Anything else means next to nothing. The primary reasons an ex looks for our attention or keeps tabs on us are the following:

 

Curiosity.

Boredom.

Horny.

Depressed.

Lonely.

Nostalgic.