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My brother and wife hooked up [before we were dating] (liars)

Confused132

By Confused132,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Rayce

Rayce

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I bet... and with that many years between keeping a secret... of course you are upset! How come your finding this out now? That seems strange.

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Confused132

Confused132

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I found out now because i had another omission lie told to me and then i pressed a friend for what happened between them then i confronted them. She denied it till i told her i know. Lied right until the end.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I found out now because i had another omission lie told to me and then i pressed a friend for what happened between them then i confronted them. She denied it till i told her i know. Lied right until the end.

 

What was the other lie? Who is the friend who knows so much?

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Confused132

Confused132

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Its a friend we both grew up with. They trades stories about women they had been with......my wife one of them.

 

I always ask about her day. Asked what she did for lunch. Always oh i just went for a walk. Same story for a month then i ask are you walking all by yourself and she goes no i walk with a male coworker.....who is single. No problem with walking with coworkers but when its omitted something is fishy...or do you think i am crazy?

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Confused132

Confused132

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Would that upset you or make you curious if you found yoir husband omitting walking with a female coworker at lunch?

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Rayce

Rayce

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I think I would be upset. I've read lots of stories here about how folks are hooking up at work. I think if someone is in a committed relationship (marriage or dating) then you wouldn't be putting yourself in that type of situation. I wouldn't... but that's easy for me to say being a single woman.

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basil67

basil67

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Would that upset you or make you curious if you found yoir husband omitting walking with a female coworker at lunch?

 

My husband used to run with a female coworker at lunch. It didn't bother me at all. Then again, I wouldn't ask him about who he slept with before we were together and if I knew, I wouldn't get my knickers in a bunch over it.

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Confused132

Confused132

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We are not talking about random people she has been with prior to marriage. I couldnt care less about any of them. We are talking about my brother who i was very close with. If i choose not to be with a woman that had beem bedded by by brother that is my business.

 

Again i would not care who she hangs with at lunch just stating its extremely odd not to mention that you are with a guy every lunch hour and talk but never mention anything to me about it.

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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This is my 16th year of marriage and I am considering divorce over this.

 

 

It's your marriage and only you can decide whether you can live with this and what to do about this unfortunate situation. As much as it would be a shame to end a 16 year marriage with 3 kids over it, it would also be a shame for you to spend another 16 years upset over this only to finally end it then. If you're genuinely in a bad marriage LT the kids will start to sense it too according to many folks around here.

 

The IC is a good idea I think.

 

Prior to finding out, was your wife affectionate and sexual with you or are you unhappy in that department as well? I ask because, if it was me, that might have bearing on the ultimate decision. I'm guessing you probably don't feel like much of that right now and that's completely understandable.

 

Ultimately this is up to you and what you can bear. Do your best to choose as wisely as you can under the circumstances.

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usa1ah

usa1ah

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as the old saying goes- what you do not know does you no harm,

 

sometimes you are better off not knowing,

 

at any rate everyone has their little secrets, 16 years has passed,turn a blind eye at this point.

 

get over yourself, get on with your life and your marriage.

 

Easy words to say. Not so easy for someone in his position to follow.

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usa1ah

usa1ah

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I would think it would be a lot more humiliating if you divorced your wife over something that happened before you were together over 16 years ago.

 

Why? She flat out lied to him. He would have never married her if she was honest with him. I say give her a big FU and file for divorce. Why does everyone think it’s ok to lie about this?

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usa1ah

usa1ah

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I have spoken with both at great length. Its funny everyone says it was so long ago, but when its new information to you its like it just happened.

 

I have to keep this a 3 way secret now. My brother is afraid his wife will find out and make it weird with my wife.

 

Its such a weird situation that i never dreamt i would be in. I would rather her of had an affair so at least i dont have to see or hear of the guy again.

 

Why should your brother be spared? He wants it kept from his wife, why?

 

Next family gathering you should thank everyone that knew for fing your life up.

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Confused132

Confused132

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I feel like divorcing and telling everyone including my brothers wife what happened and how i was deceived. Its not the deed its the lie.

 

I am going to hang in there and see if the therapist can set me straight.

 

I was happily intimate but now its weird knowing my brother had sex with her....and now i feel insecure. Did she compare us? Did she think of him once in a while while we were intimate?

 

Ugggg i really should just end it.

 

What a way to screw up a life

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usa1ah

usa1ah

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Ok I have finished catching up.

 

The work thing is wrong get her to read not just friends if you decide to work the marriage out.

 

Tell you so called brother to lose your phone number.

 

Stop doing family get togethers for now until you work this out. You can always go by your parents house at other times.

 

That is a FU situation you’re in. My brother and I always steered clear of the girls the other dated. Damn what a messed up situation.

 

What gets me the most is that they told everyone that they had sex but you. Were the two of you talking at the time?

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Flame Aura

Flame Aura

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I feel like divorcing and telling everyone including my brothers wife what happened and how i was deceived. Its not the deed its the lie.

 

I am going to hang in there and see if the therapist can set me straight.

 

I was happily intimate but now its weird knowing my brother had sex with her....and now i feel insecure. Did she compare us? Did she think of him once in a while while we were intimate?

 

Ugggg i really should just end it.

 

What a way to screw up a life

One thing is for sure, going forward things will never be the same. If you can't live with that, then you know what you need to do.

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Confused132

Confused132

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Yes i know things will never be the same. I am heart broken.

 

My brother and i were talking at the time when others knew about it. Its like they conspired to hide it from me which makes it even worse.

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

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Again i would not care who she hangs with at lunch just stating its extremely odd not to mention that you are with a guy every lunch hour and talk but never mention anything to me about it.

 

Probably because she knew what your reaction would be.

 

Confused132, she's not a possession that's somehow been devalued and you have no right to her history, sexual or otherwise, before you were together.

 

Makes one wonder what's really going on with you...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Confused132

Confused132

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Mr. Lucky,

 

You are so far off base. Your right she is not a possesion. In fact the reason i wanted to know about if my brother slept with her is so i could have chosen not to be married to her. Its the awkward family dynamic this causes and i knew it would be an issue many many years ago so both my brother and the wife should have notified me.......they told a bunch of other people.

 

Past relationships outside my family tree i couldnt care less none of my business......i should add we all lived together after my wife and i were dating for a year.

 

Cute the other man in my house had sex with my girlfriend at the time.

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

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i should add we all lived together after my wife and i were dating for a year.

 

Cute the other man in my house had sex with my girlfriend at the time.

 

Just proves how far you're reaching to make this work. Most of us understand there's someone who "had sex with my girlfriend at the time". Most of our spouses understand the same thing.

 

My friend, insecure neediness is seldom attractive. Have at this at your own risk...

 

Mr. Lucky

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basil67

basil67

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Its not the deed its the lie.

 

 

It is the deed because you say you wouldn't have married her if you had been honest. Either way, she was screwed. Pun intended ;)

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