Relationships....how to maintain them?

[Cora]

If you expect the worst, you will receive the worst. Negativity is a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

How about "I am managing my expectations because I really don't know him that well yet. It may turn out great, it may not....only time will tell"

 

Yeah, I know you’re right. And I was actually feeling good about things up until recently. See he drove down to see me this past Monday night since he had just come back from dropping off the new clothes and school supplies he got for his 2 daughters who live out of state and my place was kind of on the way back. He didn’t get to my place until late so all we really did was talk and watch a movie. I told him he could just spend the night at my place and drive back home in the morning since he basically got up early Monday morning to drive to his daughters place, dropped their stuff off and spent some time with them and then drove all the way back. I felt bad since he had been driving all day, it was late and I knew he was tired. We didn’t have sex, but we did get intimate and ever since then he has been distant. I mean he still initiates texts daily, but it’s not like before. Before we would spend hours texting throughout the day and into the night. Now I’m lucky if I get 4 texts from him all day and it also takes him longer to respond....sometimes hours.....occasionally he doesn’t respond at all. I know he’s been on night shift at work this week and his work schedule is pretty hectic so that could just be it, but it never kept him from communicating non stop with me before. I did bring it up the other day and asked him if he was ok as he has been more quiet than normal? He just responded that he was tired. So I didn’t push the subject anymore. Something just feels off. But I don’t want to keep bringing it up and risk pushing him away even more.

 

I was just hoping our communication would stay the same since we won’t get to see each other very often living 2 hours apart and with his crazy work schedule. He works 4 12 hour nights and then 4 12 hour days including the weekends. He worked this weekend and is working next weekend so we won’t get to see each other until the weekend after next (when he will be off again).....if we are still communicating at that point. I can’t help but think if we had just held off on getting intimate that we’d still be communicating like normal.

[gaius]

#1, pick a partner who's capable of maintaining a long term relationship. There's a lot of people out there with poor boundaries and who don't have their stuff together mentally. Avoid.

 

And #2, be able to meet that partner's needs. Whatever they might be. Everyone is different so I can't really give any examples. Don't get lazy or complacent and stop meeting them either. Keep things as interesting and as stimulating as possible.

 

Cora, if he's starting to withdraw a little after getting intimate then you need to do the same. It takes hours to get a reply? The you wait hours to reply too. He works for you or gets lost. One thing that's common with most men is they like a woman who has self-respect that they have to work for a bit.