What’s important to you in a relationship?

[MetallicHue]

I’m sure this has been asked before but I’m curious to hear it anyway. Outside of the physical what do you look for the most in a relationship?

[Foxhall]

a lady who is easy to talk too

 

who can show vulnerability at times

 

who is encouraging towards me but at the same time not trying to mould me into her way of thinking

 

a lady who is not looking for too many expensive gifts (within reason)

 

who is interested in travel or just going for days away.

 

who is happy with some space also-that we can have separate pursuits away from each other

 

cant think of anymore- that does it for me.

Edited August 9, 2019 by Foxhall

[Curiousroxy86]

someone who is not toxic

[pepperbird]

I've been married for nearly 22 years now, and can't see myself ever being in another relationship. If it were to happen though, I would look for a guy who:

 

 

-is easy to talk to

-is honest

-likes animals and is kind to them

-is a kind person in general

-likes to spend time at the beach or walking in the woods

-likes to travel but is not into Disney, resorts, cruises, that sort of thing

-is well read and intelligent without being snobby or pretentious (I admittedly am guilty of both of those)

-isn't obsessed with sports, his truck or other vehicle or work

-understands that actions are more important than words and small gestures over time really matter

-doesn't need to over plan or overthink a situation. they can just jump in the car and go for a road trip without fretting over the little details

-understands that my son is special needs and will likley always need me, even as an adult.He comes first before me, and always will.

-is monogamous ( one of the top criteria)

 

-isn't verbally/physically or emotionally abusive

-doesn't run down his ex

 

-isn't a cheater or deadbeat dad

 

 

That's an awfully long list:laugh:. I guess, should my husband pass away before me, I am destined to become a "crazy cat(bird) lady"...lol

[alphamale]

I've been married for nearly 22 years now, and can't see myself ever being in another relationship. If it were to happen though, I would look for a guy who:

 

 

-is easy to talk to

-is honest

-likes animals and is kind to them

-is a kind person in general

-likes to spend time at the beach or walking in the woods

-likes to travel but is not into Disney, resorts, cruises, that sort of thing

-is well read and intelligent without being snobby or pretentious (I admittedly am guilty of both of those)

-isn't obsessed with sports, his truck or other vehicle or work

-understands that actions are more important than words and small gestures over time really matter

-doesn't need to over plan or overthink a situation. they can just jump in the car and go for a road trip without fretting over the little details

-understands that my son is special needs and will likley always need me, even as an adult.He comes first before me, and always will.

-is monogamous ( one of the top criteria)

 

-isn't verbally/physically or emotionally abusive

-doesn't run down his ex

 

-isn't a cheater or deadbeat dad

 

 

That's an awfully long list:laugh:. I guess, should my husband pass away before me, I am destined to become a "crazy cat(bird) lady"...lol

 

you forgot about "does not abuse alcohol or other drugs"

[d0nnivain]

Sense of humor.

 

Reliability / loyalty / truthfulness / integrity are all part of the same & a very close 2nd.

[Foxhall]

I've been married for nearly 22 years now, and can't see myself ever being in another relationship. If it were to happen though, I would look for a guy who:

 

 

-is easy to talk to

-is honest

-likes animals and is kind to them

-is a kind person in general

-likes to spend time at the beach or walking in the woods

-likes to travel but is not into Disney, resorts, cruises, that sort of thing

-is well read and intelligent without being snobby or pretentious (I admittedly am guilty of both of those)

-isn't obsessed with sports, his truck or other vehicle or work

-understands that actions are more important than words and small gestures over time really matter

-doesn't need to over plan or overthink a situation. they can just jump in the car and go for a road trip without fretting over the little details

-understands that my son is special needs and will likley always need me, even as an adult.He comes first before me, and always will.

-is monogamous ( one of the top criteria)

 

-isn't verbally/physically or emotionally abusive

-doesn't run down his ex

 

-isn't a cheater or deadbeat dad

 

 

That's an awfully long list:laugh:. I guess, should my husband pass away before me, I am destined to become a "crazy cat(bird) lady"...lol

 

 

hmmn, I have no problem with anything there really,

 

yet dating/relationships have been a bumpy ride and will continue to be so I imagine,

 

still eager for more though:)

[Kitty Tantrum]

"All I want is a plain man, all I want is a modest man -

a quiet man, a gentle man;

a straightforward and honest man to sit with me

in a cottage somewhere in the state of Iowa.

 

And I would like him to be

more interested in me

than he is in himself

and more interested in us than in me.

 

And if occasionally he'd ponder

what makes Shakespeare and Beethoven great -

him I could love 'til I die.

Him, I could love 'til I die!"

 

 

I had a pretty long "wishlist" when I was a young woman, but I narrowed it down a lot before I ever started seriously looking. My first husband made the cut because we were compatible in a lot of little ways RE: "nerdy" interests, sense of humor, ease of conversation, etc. - AND I thought he covered all the important bases: wants children soon, comfortable living on one income and having a wife who stays home, active in a church that was closely aligned with my own beliefs, willing to work hard and delay gratification, not materialistic, loyal... I missed the fact that he was a LIAR and none of that was actually true.

 

During the years after I left him, my list got pretty short:

 

- HONEST

- believes in God

- hard-working

- likes to keep his woman in the kitchen

- not an idiot

 

I also added two points to the list:

 

- not a sexual deviant

- doesn't have to want more kids, but has to be a good, kind, masculine role model for the ones I've already got

[MetallicHue]

Well thanks so far for the lists. Feel free to keep them coming. The one thing that surprised was sense of humor was not on the list more. The one that I thought was most unique is keeps his woman in the kitchen. I’d like to hear more on that one. For me I think probably close to d0nnivain’s list. But when you fall in love it just kinda of happens and sometimes parts of lists get thrown out

[GorillaTheater]

- not a sexual deviant

 

Dammit.

 

I like Donni's list, too. Nothing better than a smart, funny woman.

[mark clemson]

I really don't go for women who aren't smart in the LT.

 

Also the right "challenge level" in terms of personality. If they start to dominate the relationship too much, become overly demanding or controlling then I resent them. If they are a doormat then I have a tendency to eventually walk all over them. (I don't actually LIKE to do this, but I'm a somewhat complex person in some ways and it seems to end up happening anyhow.)

[Kitty Tantrum]

If they are a doormat then I have a tendency to eventually walk all over them. (I don't actually LIKE to do this, but I'm a somewhat complex person in some ways and it seems to end up happening anyhow.)

 

I love the way you articulated this so plainly. This is one of the things I struggled with a lot in my first marriage. Since I have kids with my ex-husband and he's not an out-and-out unfit father, forgiveness is basically mandatory. That involves a lot of going back and processing the events of our marriage in a pretty deliberate way. I've shared bits and pieces of this process with others, and most people look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest that a lot of his behavior wasn't intentional, it was essentially an imbalance of strengths and weaknesses. He walked aaaaallllll over me and wasn't even aware that he was doing it. I know this because I've SEEN his flashes of clarity where he realized he'd done it - but it had to get pretty bad before he could see it. We were not naturally complementary, and we were too young and inexperienced to understand that let alone deliberately compensate for it to the extent that would have been necessary.

[alphamale]

loyalty is the most important thing to me, next is intelligence

[spiderowl]

Intelligence, ability to communicate, non-judgemental, fun, kind, supportive, caring, not addicted to drugs, alcohol, no weird fetishes, free to engage in a relationship.

 

Do such people exist though?

[thefooloftheyear]

'Cause nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'

You got to have somethin' if you wanna be with me

Oh, life is too serious, love's too mysterious

 

 

TFY

[major_merrick]

Loyalty is #1 for me. When everything goes belly up, I want someone who has my back. Physical affection is also really important. Especially since I've had two pregnancies, I've spent more time in bed. So having a partner (or two or six) that is willing to snuggle up next to me is a big thing.

[LauraXX]

1. Intelligence

2. Loyalty

 

3. (Same) sense of humor

[Rayce]

Someone who knows how to handle conflict and wont want to try and kill me because of something that came out of my mouth.

[Mysterio]

Interesting Conversations and Laughs

Open to going out and doing Social and Recreational activities together

Physical Affection

Respect/Support/Flexibility towards each other.

Reasonable Space. Which equals not crowding each other. We can go out with our individual friends and not feel bad.

 

Thats what I need. I think that I am going to only work with a woman that really wants me and basically does the leg work to see if we are a great match.

 

When I try to do the leg work, there is always an obstacle. The woman towards me. No major obstacle. Unless she wants to fast track everything without thought. So that is Sex right away/Cohabit/Marriage/Kids. We can talk about it along the way. Not execute it all the way.

[chillii]

Loyalty is #1 for me. When everything goes belly up, I want someone who has my back. Physical affection is also really important. Especially since I've had two pregnancies, I've spent more time in bed. So having a partner (or two or six) that is willing to snuggle up next to me is a big thing.

 

 

 

 

Where does loyalty come into having 2 partners or 6 ?

[chillii]

My woman is the perfect example of what l need and love , so l'll just talk about that.

Just a few of the top of my head, she's loyal , she'd walk over broken glass for me,she has my back, she's a real partner through thick and thin , brilliant to talk too, lightening fast mind, she's fun, very very hot , great ass to God damn it, she's got such grounded no bullshyt common sense with everything , she's warm affectionate and on and on it goes but eh, won't bore you with the rest haha

ps, but don't get me wrong, she does come with stuff too.

Edited August 14, 2019 by chillii
ps

[Prudence V]

Shared values

Shared interests

Intelligence and curiosity

Quirkiness

Kindness

Gentleness

Complexity, without neuroticism

Integrity

Openness to experience

Embracing of difference

Up-for-it-ness

Positivity

Humour

Enthusiasm

Passion

Very into their work

Loves animals

Has good relationships with family

Has solid friendships

Is liked and respected at work

Creativity