lost my self respect

[Thatblogger246]

So I was with my boyfriend for 6 months and he broke up with me because "he didn't feel the same ." It was quite out of the blue for me so I was devastated and truly heartbroken because I loved the guy. Originally we broke up as friends on good terms but due to this being one of my first breakups I refused to let go and accept what had happened. I just could not get over him.

 

So I begged for him back, constantly trying to talk to him , call him , voice mails ,texts . And I just couldn't stop myself I turned into someone I was not, I ignored him when he told me to stop. I feel bad for it looking back it was almost harassing.

He would always forgive me when id say sorry but then my emotions always lead me to do something stupid again.

At one point I got very depressed and harmed myself and stupidly told him which probably came across as attention seeking and guilt tripping.

We are in the same friendship group and at a party one night we had a heated row resulting in us both saying some nasty things me being the worst. Due to this many of my friends fell out with me and even after a while no one would forgive. I then left my friendship group out of respect for him .

 

He has since blocked me off everything including phones and texts we have no way of contacting each other.

 

 

Now its a couple of months later and I am actually over him because I haven't seen him in a while I feel awful about how I acted. How I disrespected someone so much that I used to be in love with . I cant forgive myself or move on for what I have done I get upset about it everyday.

 

I cant even give him a proper apology because im blocked of everything. I am aware I have bought this on myself but my feelings lead me on to do some bad things. Now I just want to apologise because I cant move on from what I have done at all. Constant feelings of guilt, embarrassment and how I lost all my self respect.

 

Advice?

[MetallicHue]

I think it’s at a point where an apology doesn’t matter. I would just let it go. As for the feelings of guilt that’s a tough one. I think naturally over time those feelings will wane too just like the angst of the breakup. I’m sorry you went through and are still going through a tough time. Things will eventually get better.

[d0nnivain]

You had a growth experience. Few people handle break ups gracefully. You are young. This was one of your 1st times through this particular wringer. You acted out because of overwhelming feelings without the maturity to handle them. Experience is the best although harshest teacher. You will never do this again because you know how destructive this behavior is & that it doesn't cause reconciliation.

 

In the short term, try to ease yourself back into the friend group assuming they were independently your friends & not just his friends who were nice to you while you were dating him. Then if you get back into the group, you can simply show yourself to be a calm, sane person. You can smile & be gracious when you see him but nothing else. After you master that, in a few months you can personally apologize for going a bit nuts in the immediate aftermath of the break up.

[Foxhall]

yes you made a few mistakes,

 

lesson is not to be abusive to people- keep your cool,

 

at any rate you deserve forgiveness and you deserve to be let back into the friends group,

 

hopefully they will re-connect with you,

 

if not move forwards and make new friends, do not sit at home anyway.

 

good wishes.

[mark clemson]

I refused to let go and accept what had happened. I just could not get over him.

 

So I begged for him back, constantly trying to talk to him , call him , voice mails ,texts . And I just couldn't stop myself I turned into someone I was not, I ignored him when he told me to stop. I feel bad for it looking back it was almost harassing.

 

At one point I got very depressed and harmed myself and stupidly told him which probably came across as attention seeking and guilt tripping.

We are in the same friendship group and at a party one night we had a heated row resulting in us both saying some nasty things me being the worst.

 

At some point during all this you almost certainly came across as emotionally unstable and potentially a safety threat. Of course he has little interest and has blocked you. If this was an out-of-control male and a female, what would you expect? It's not that different...

 

DON'T go out of your way to apologize. Move on. Fully. If you happen to bump into him one day, you can use it as an opportunity to apologize. The reality is he's unlikely to ever want to even be friends or have much to do with you again. You're a potential safety threat in his eyes and at this point that's probably really all there is to it to him.

 

Suggest you consider IC not because you have issues at the moment, but to develop coping mechanisms for the next go-round. You're likely to go through a good number of break ups in life, before hopefully settling down into a very satisfying LTR, so you'll need to learn to get good at handling them. It's a "must" life skill IMO.

[samjam7]

You have to forgive yourself! You did not harass him. You were overwhelmed with emotions and you had genuine feelings for him. If he is a mature guy he will understand that you liked him to the extent to drop your own ego and ask him to come back. You truly did not wrong him and whatever discomfort you might have caused him was not intentional on your part.

 

I begged my ex too. I think that is one thing I don't regret doing because now I know I have given my all and there is nothing much I can do. His heart is closed for me.