Bullseye1914 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Once OP mentioned having an affair AND "still trying to leave both", I checked out. Nothing she says is completely unbiased. You're right, you shouldn't be married. You can't even keep it real with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Happy marriages take work, they don't just "end up" happening. That said, I think you should just go ahead and file, and perhaps even separate for a while. I'm not sure how it's gotten to the point of not working for two years...? Where does he get money for booze and pot? Because if my H was willingly unemployed, you can sure bet I'd be the one in control of the purse strings. He doesn't believe that you'll file. But you need to sit down and have that come to Jesus moment with him and explain that things have gotten so intolerable that you have been having an affair and that that you think about divorce every day. Tell him that you want the best for him and the kids. You can sure bet that upon hearing that a fire will be lit under his ass VERY quickly and armed with the facts you both can decide whether it's worth working on or not. But this limbo state you find yourself in is a waste of everyone's time. An affair on your part will only prove to hurt your confidence, bargaining power, and ultimately your heart very deeply. I think marriages can be salvaged if given the right tools. If left unchecked, marriages tend to wither and grow stale due to boredom, unmet expectations, familiarity, etc. I don't know what the problem with your H is but marriages don't break down due to just one person's actions. Have you found a good therapist? Would he be willing to try? You may not even ask anymore because you're distracted with another man. You can't possibly expect to turn your marriage around if your answer to your marital problems is stepping out. Regardless, if you decide to divorce it's not going to be a cake walk for anyone. You'll be paying out of the ass, you'll have to find childcare during your time with the kids, you won't see them as much, etc. Careful who you breed with, people. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 He can get a job. Even the most hopeless case can deliver pizzas for $15+ an hour and provide basic support for themselves. But I agree that he'll never do this as long as you're funding the ongoing beer and weed party. He won't work until he has to. He definitely has a victim mentality, and him playing the victim seems to work on you. He's obviously a bad example of a man for your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
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