major_merrick Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Four weeks ago, I gave birth to twins. I now have three kids very close in age. After my first pregnancy, I changed my work role to where I work from home at least half of the week, and often four days out of five. I make good money, but after my second pregnancy I'm realizing that my heart is not in my work anymore. I used to like it, now I'm disinterested. While I enjoy doing stuff and getting out of the house, I don't need the money. I've made good money for years, and I banked the entire proceeds of a house that I owned (completely debt free) before I married. So, I've literally got years of income saved. Enough to put multiple kids through education or any other major expense. My husband takes care of me and our kids, so I spend almost nothing. My work was more interesting when I spent time at the office and in the production areas. I dealt with technical details and production problems. After a couple of health issues, I wasn't allowed to do it anymore for safety reasons, and so I ended up dealing with paperwork and data entry by computer. BORING. At home, I'm enjoying my family relationships. Since my husband has other wives and I have two girlfriends, I'm not alone. We keep each other company, do housework together, tend the kids, and take care of the garden/land/animals/etc.. After several weeks away from work, I don't want to go back. At this point, should I quit completely? I don't need to make money. My family is my priority, but I don't want to be totally domestic. Should I quit work and try to develop a side business instead, like buying classic cars and fixing them up for resale? Link to post Share on other sites
ktstew Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 It seems like a no brainer. If you've got the means and support to focus on the home and your kids right now, then take advantage and enjoy this special time when the children are very young. I would say, though, that it would be a good plan for you to have some sort of business or interest that will keep your brain in gear and ensure that you're having social contact outside of your immediate family circle. To some extent, being a mother and socialising your children will ensure that - but I think it's healthy for you and your loved ones that you keep some identity that's separate from your family. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Will your credentials become "out dated" to the point that you won't be able to re-enter the work force at a later date?? Is your field one where "continuing education" keeps you current on the latest updates/advances?? If something happens to your husband and you are forced to go back into the work force will your "out dated" credentials or "hole in your resume'" keep you from getting a job?? If so, you might consider working "part-time" just to keep that resume' and those credentials current and viable. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Absolutely quit. Two things: - no one will provide the loving care and developmental interaction with your small children that you can - this time when they’re young only comes once, no getting it back Congrats on your financial acumen and saving habits. Plenty of time to resume your career when they start school... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 That time with your kids is so tiny compared to the big picture that if it is an option then do it! I was very lucky that I was a stay at home mom... even if I was dirt poor. Sure when I entered into the work force I was way behind and that might be contributing to my problems with employment now... but still even with that I would do it again.. in a heartbeat! :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted August 10, 2019 Author Share Posted August 10, 2019 (edited) Some things about my work experience and credentials would change. Computer software, for example, will be quite different in ten years. But I can learn computer stuff on my own time and keep up with that. Other things, such as the nature of metal alloys and what you can/can't do with those materials - that stays pretty static. So if I wanted to work again, I probably could get another job, but maybe not as good as the one I had. Where I live, it is much more about WHO you know. Contacts, rather than experience, got me the job I've got now. When I was still working full time on-site, my level of pay was ridiculously high for what I was doing. I work for a very profitable smaller company, where the top guy knows everybody and interacts with everybody. I don't think I'd ever find that again, but I could find something else like that where I would be paid well enough to survive. Financially, my family is well off. Having more adults under one roof really defrays the cost of living. My husband's property where we all live is owned free and clear, as are all the vehicles. Tons of tools on site, and my husband already owns a small business and a commercial property that Wife #2 manages part time, and my GF#2 helps out with that also. I could be involved in that if I wanted to, or start my own thing. There's also food production - we have a large garden, an orchard, some livestock, and feed crops. Most of the food we eat is grown here, except for the occasional treat or what we trade for. My husband and Wife #4 work full time, and they work in different departments of the same company. My GF#1 works from home full time as a graphic designer. So for a household with no debts, few bills, and lots of assets, even if I quit we still have three full-time incomes and a small business, plus savings. I've got years worth of income saved. My GF#1 hardly spends anything - just a cell phone bill, cheap medical insurance, car insurance, and some snacks now and then. She could stop working, but she does it because she enjoys her work. I have no idea how much money she has saved, but she probably has enough that she could go out and buy a house 100% cash. I paid all her expenses when it was just us girls living together, and my husband took that over when we all moved in together. She's probably banked around 75% of her income for the last five years. Wife #4 has spent some money on her kids, but she has also saved quite a bit, and she has money that was left to her when her previous husband passed away. She also sold her home and moved in with my husband at that time, so she may actually have more money than I do. As for the kids going to school - they will be homeschooled. I may or may not be involved in that. My husband's oldest three kids and Wife #4's three kids are in school, but another family teaches them. Once the entire "crop" comes of age, there might be too many. There's discussion about establishing a real school for our religious community because there's so many children. What do women do if they decide to stay home even after their kids are school-age? I don't want to be totally domestic, as my cooking abilities aren't great and I'm not really a fan of spending lots of time outside gardening in the hot weather. If going back to work in my field isn't an option, I'll have to have something else to do. Or maybe just keep having kids? Edited August 10, 2019 by major_merrick Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 I think you should go for it. If I could financially afford it I would be a stay at home dad. Kids are precious and the more time people get to spend with them the better. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 I think you should go for it. If I could financially afford it I would be a stay at home dad. Kids are precious and the more time people get to spend with them the better. ^^^this^^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Definitely!! I wish I could've been a stay at home mum, unfortunately my first son's dad refused to support me, so I was back at work 6weeks after he was born, and my 2nd son's dad couldn't work when he was born as he had cancer, so I had to be the provider. I envy those that are able to stay at home with their kids. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Synchronicity in work. I was listening to the linked videos a couple of weeks ago and had you in mind while I did. I have been wanting a reason to bring it up on this board, and here it is. It's very much about your thread, and it even mentions communal households. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 What do women do if they decide to stay home even after their kids are school-age? I don't want to be totally domestic, as my cooking abilities aren't great and I'm not really a fan of spending lots of time outside gardening in the hot weather. If going back to work in my field isn't an option, I'll have to have something else to do. Or maybe just keep having kids? Volunteer at the kids' school. You'd be surprised just how much time you can spend doing this if you're really involved in the PTA, etc. Yes, I think you should become a SAHM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Congratulations! And, yes, I also vote that you should do it. A career comes and goes and you can always find a way to get another career. But you only get one time to have your kids when they are young. Especially, those critically important developmental years that shapes their entire lives. You're not only going to look back some day and be so glad you did, but you're also giving your kids a major advantage in life. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 I just realized I didn't answer your question. Yes do it, you're fortunate enough to have circumstances that allow it, so don't waste that gift. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 I know a bunch of women that wish they could be SAHMs but the financials don't work out for them Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 Well, I did the hard thing today. I went in to work and I told my boss that I'm putting my family first and I won't be coming back. He said he was sorry to see me go, but asked if I was willing to occasionally consult on special projects. I definitely said yes! I'll be able to keep in touch with coworkers and keep up with technology, all while doing what I really want to do right now. My boss also said that if I'm ever interested in going back to work, to make sure to contact the company first because they'll be willing to rehire me. I guess I'm leaving on probably the best terms possible. It still feels strange, but having my old job as a backup if things don't work out feels pretty good. And I definitely know my boss liked my work.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Congrats. Sounds like you may want to just occasionally stop into work ("paid job" work) perhaps ... to just get some different energy occasionally ... though finding the time will be tough. You'll quickly figure out how much work outside work you want to do, how much you need to do ... for your own satisfaction. Good luck. Great to hear of someone who saved money and now can take time off without a lot of drama. Get down!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Good decision. I'd totally be a stay-at-home non-mom if I could afford it If I keep working my plan and luck holds up, maybe I can retire early. That's the dream! Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted August 23, 2019 Author Share Posted August 23, 2019 I'm already figuring out other work-ish stuff that I can be doing. I'm thinking of either flipping houses or fixing up classic cars. I just don't know what to pick yet. One of my exes taught me how to do some stock trading, and I've made a bit of money this summer in the market too. Link to post Share on other sites
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