NC is not an option

[Jlo1969]

Hey there..gonna try to make this quick.

 

Been with MM 4 years. I’m at the point where I just can’t mentally take it anymore. In the beginning he made it clear he would never divorce. That’s all fine and dandy. He has a lot to lose. I get it. She knows about me but chooses to look the other way. However...I’m so tired of not enjoying my life. Always sitting around waiting for his call, text etc. Lord forbid if he calls and I’m out with friends. I love this man deeply. Here’s the kicker...we are business partner’s. So the NC won’t work. We have to communicate.

 

I’m trying to place boundaries so that I can enjoy my life again. I just don’t see a way out. He has forever intertwined me in his life with this business and neither of us want to give up our ownership in the business.

 

Any suggestions?

[gettinoverit]

Yes. The obvious one. LC - Low Contact. You need to decide exactly how you will communicate and on what terms and then - here's the kicker - STICK TO IT. So in this case, that would mean only engaging on business issues, putting up rock solid physical and emotional boundaries, cutting yourself off from him in any other way, and controlling your heart with your head.

 

So easy to type, hey?! But honestly - whichever way you wish to slice it, unless you are willing to get out of the business, which you are not, you are left with no other option.

 

Control control and control. That is going to be your mantra! How? Visualize your heart locked in a box, stowed in a storage unit a long way away. Picture the woman you want to be - NEED to be actually - and BE her. Give her a name if it helps! What would SHE do? Pretend to be her until it comes naturally. Finally plan a life for yourself that doesn't include him - figure out things you want to do and get excited about doing them, or planning for them. You need to set yourself on a different future course.

 

Hope this helps. Good luck!

[Turning point]

I'm not sure that what you propose is even possible as long as you remain in this business - i.e. the goal being to: "get your life back."

 

Better than Low Contact - find your own man. Best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.

 

However, what happens to your business relationship when you're partner loses his benefits package, only to realize they are accruing to someone else's account? The hypocrisy of cheating MM is that they can't stand the idea of their AP with someone else. Will his ire show up at work? Will he undermine you or turn hostile?

 

Long term, what becomes of this business relationship if you find a man you want to be exclusive with or even marry? The prior perks of your business relationship could be damaging if the partnership continues. A spouse or BF may be hesitant to engage if your work and personal life appears too blurry.