I'm afraid I will be alone forever :(

[alone_123]

I'm a mid-20s male (fit, graduate degree, $80K income with a white-collar job) and am totally afraid I will die alone. I live in Austin and there are literally no single women around my age in this town. I need some advice as to where (e.g., where can be a city, activity, etc.) to meet single women? Should I move somewhere else (e.g., Chicago, LA, NY)? I hear everyone in Texas gets married very early and that seems to be true (at least for the women I meet)?

 

Thank you!

[mortensorchid]

Guy, I am a 44 SWF, never been married, no kids, and I am also afraid I will be alone forever. I don't know about you, but I have had a total of 5 serious relationships in life (my high school sweetheart, and 4 serious bfs as an adult - 1 I am still friends with, just saw him tonight at a party), and I think that's a sizable number for anyone. Of the 4 as an adult, one would not make the commitment, the other three threw me over for other women and those women were train wrecks who took them for a ride.

 

If I had the answer, I would tell you what the answer is. But, I don't have it. All I can say is have faith. Life is hard, all aspects of life are rough. You matter, don't give up. I had a black cloud hanging over me for a few years, but it lifted just recently. Give yourself messages that you are worthy and don't settle for something less just because.

[alphamale]

if you have the ca$h a mail-ordered bride may be the way to go

[SumGuy]

Doesn't Austin have a very active music scene? One way to meet people.

 

 

Also a large college?

 

 

One way is hobbies you enjoy that the women you are seeking may as well, especially if there are MeetUp groups for it.

 

 

If your religious, I'm told church events are another way.

 

 

There is always on-line dating.

[GorillaTheater]

Austin's cup runneth over with beautiful women. Hard to believe that ALL of them are taken.

[Foxhall]

It has to be mentioned again, particularly in view of your close proximity,

 

Mexican women- they are just that little bit friendlier than anyone else.

 

and prettier too I suppose:)

[GorillaTheater]

Foxhall tends to bring that up fairly often, but he's not wrong ...

[kendahke]

Try moving and living in either Dallas or Houston--bigger numbers mean bigger pool to choose from.

 

But no one can tell you how to find what you're looking for because we don't know what you're looking for. Only you know that, so you'll have to grind to find her.

[Lotsgoingon]

I need some advice as to where (e.g., where can be a city, activity, etc.) to meet single women? Should I move somewhere else (e.g., Chicago, LA, NY)?

 

Absolutely and completely impossible. Not even the non-artsy people are all married.

 

You simply need to revamp your dating. You probably hang in one demographic area ... and one set of people. There is absolutely NO WAY, ZERO IMPOSSIBLE that there is a "shortage" of dateable women in their mid-20s in Austin Texas.

 

If I were to find a volleyball league in Austin ... with people in their 20s and 30s ... you're telling me that the vast majority of women would be married? If I were to go Salsa dancing in Austin, you're telling me the vast majority of women in their 20s and 30s would be married? Again, impossible.

 

Look, it is HARD to get outside our own limited nice. But you've got to do that.

 

Now, are you interested mainly in evangelical Christian women? Sure, maybe a high number of those folks are married. Other groups, no way.

[Ruby Slippers]

The singles ratio is in women's favor in your area. Check out this singles map.

 

The West Coast with all the high-paying tech jobs is even worse.

 

You might have to get creative to meet a suitable partner.

 

If I were a man looking at those odds, I'd either seriously step up my offering or start traveling more regularly, think realistically about how I could make a relationship work with someone based elsewhere.

 

I've had several relationships that started long-distance myself, where eventually one of us moved to the other. I never intended to do that, just worked out to have a somewhat nomadic romantic life at times. I enjoyed the adventure

[alone_123]

Absolutely and completely impossible. Not even the non-artsy people are all married.

 

You simply need to revamp your dating. You probably hang in one demographic area ... and one set of people. There is absolutely NO WAY, ZERO IMPOSSIBLE that there is a "shortage" of dateable women in their mid-20s in Austin Texas.

 

If I were to find a volleyball league in Austin ... with people in their 20s and 30s ... you're telling me that the vast majority of women would be married? If I were to go Salsa dancing in Austin, you're telling me the vast majority of women in their 20s and 30s would be married? Again, impossible.

 

Look, it is HARD to get outside our own limited nice. But you've got to do that.

 

Now, are you interested mainly in evangelical Christian women? Sure, maybe a high number of those folks are married. Other groups, no way.

I'm looking for young professional type women between ages 22-35 (not into dating college students). I've done club sports, Meetup, interest groups related to the field I work in and while not every woman there is married, almost all of them are in a serious BF/GF relationship (e.g., live together, been dating for many months/years).

[normal person]

What's wrong with Tinder/Bumble/etc? They filter out most people you don't want to meet and put all the single people right in front of you.

[Trail Blazer]

Just get on to OLD. I have Tinder Gold and just searched in your area. There's plenty of hot women in your town. Just get on it and start swiping! If you're half reasonably looking you'll get a date in no time!

[Lotsgoingon]

You're not meeting single women ... That's totally different than there being some shortage of single women 22-35.

 

You are having bad luck ... or doing activities with the wrong crowd. Austin has a ton of professional and creative people who marry later than average.

 

Go for online dating--definitely!

[Fekenaws]

I know this is off topic but 80k at mid-20s is quite good for austin, what do you do for a living?

[alone_123]

I know this is off topic but 80k at mid-20s is quite good for austin, what do you do for a living?

I work in a corporate setting. In Austin, my salary is hardly something to be proud off (especially with me having graduated from a top 10 school and incurred lots of $$$s to do so). However, because I graduated from college late (financial issues), I'm behind in my career. One other issue I have meeting women is that most women don't want to date guys that make less than them and most women in my age range (25-35) make more than I do.

[Lotsgoingon]

I work in a corporate setting. In Austin, my salary is hardly something to be proud off (especially with me having graduated from a top 10 school and incurred lots of $$$s to do so). However, because I graduated from college late (financial issues), I'm behind in my career. One other issue I have meeting women is that most women don't want to date guys that make less than them and most women in my age range (25-35) make more than I do.

 

Dude, you keep talking yourself into inaction and rejection. Lots of women are fine with a guy making less money than they do. What they're not fine with ... and here's an avenue for you to work on ... is if a guy assumes a woman making more money would be disinterested. Bring that energy to a date and it's a kill-switch. Or if a guy feels like he's "behind in his career."

 

Those thoughts and feelings are only sapping your confidence and that low confidence comes through when you meet people. Worse, it might prevent you from going out and meeting people in the first place.

 

Just to be clear, a close friend of mine married a woman whose family had a lot of wealth--his did not. He did not pursue a very lucrative career or field. But he was fired up about his work, and his wife totally supported him emotionally and never pressured him financially to go into a higher-income career. He once told me he heard not one word of criticism or passive criticism from his wife about his job choice. Oh, this guy went into education.

 

Another friend, his wife makes about $30,000 more than he does. Again though, my buddy is fired up about his job, enjoys what he does, has a great sense of humor. He's quite happy his wife is making what she does. (The wife also works harder and longer hours than my buddy.) Feeling excited about your job is worth tens of thousands of dollars in annual income--as far as attractiveness goes.

 

You've got to find a way to be comfortable with exactly where you are in your career. Or find a way to work towards where you want to be. People (men and women) love people who are taking initiative to improve their lives.

 

Beyond my two friends, I know a lot of professional women who make more than the guys they are dating or married to. OMG, just thought about a young woman I know who makes around $200,000 a year ... She's dating a guy who, I would guess, makes about $60,000 a year. Actually she started dating him when he was in graduate/professional school, making much less than $60,000.

 

I've met the guy. He's totally comfortable in his skin, he loves the outdoors and camping and hiking. In fact, this guy is interesting, smart, funny, thoughtful, real. Great storyteller. I see why she's into him. In fact, knowing the woman as I do, a guy making a lot of money is just not on her priority list. If this guy made more funny, she'd be fine with that. But that's not a requirement.

 

What's going on well in your life that you can feel good about, that you can embrace? You've got to have that positive energy going on when you meet people.

 

Trust me: people easily figure out when someone thinks they don't have much to offer.

[5x5]

One other issue I have meeting women is that most women don't want to date guys that make less than them and most women in my age range (25-35) make more than I do.

 

How does what you earn or don't earn, make a difference to whether you can meet single women or not?

 

Have women actually told you, they won't meet you without knowing that you earn more money than them?

 

I can't even imagine, what you earn, being part of a conversation when first meeting a women.

 

When I was your age, I remember one woman at a inner city pub where legal types gathered. Who asked me what I did for work, and I told her I was trying to be professionally unemployed. Followed by having sex with her, a little while after telling her that. At the time she was certainly earning more than me, yet it didn't matter.

 

As to this idea that most women in the Western world, will only choose men who earn more. I don't think that it is most, sure it's plenty yet there are some stats that indicate it is far from most.

 

For what its worth, I've had two women who earned more than me ask me to marry them. Including my current wife who I said yes to, and she still earns plenty more than me.

 

Likewise I've been with other educated, high earning professional women beyond those noted above, who earned more than me and it was never an issue for them. With me being the dumper in all of my sexual relationships, with the exception of still being with my current wife.

 

Unless most women are explicitly verbally discounting you for your income, then it isn't actually a notable issue, except as a self imposed one.

 

Having known lots of professional women, If I were you I would try using some dating apps and going out to venues. Where drinking and dancing are a thing and not play wallflower while there.

[Veronica73]

Off topic...but wow. Most young women making more than $80,000. I’ll probably never make that.

[RaquelMontes]

Don't say that, there are always ways to meet new people. Have you tried speed dating, for example? It can be fun.

[scooby-philly]

Okay. Let's some perspective on things shall we.

 

The average male in the United States earns (before taxes) something like 47k a year. (I think it's actually like 37 but I'll go with the higher number). You're making 80k (assuming you mean before taxes). That means you're already making more then a lot of men twice or more than your age.

 

Second - you're 25/26 (you said mid 20's). Dude - you're in the prime of your life. I'm not saying just sleep around to sleep around if that's not your style - but people pick up on the energy you bring to the table. If you're in good shape and have a good career started - then relax!

 

Third - no single women in Austin? I believe the city has close to a million people now and a metro area population of 2-3 million - maybe more? I think people pointed this out already - just be yourself and life your life. Use Meetup website to find groups with common interests - a particular type of dancing, or a musicians group if you are one, or outdoors/hiking clubs - just get out there and do the things you enjoy and what not and mix in some OLD (on line dating btw if you're not familiar with that acronym around here) - use Match and Tinder or whatever 1-2 sites you want to - have a detailed, truthful, funny profile and post some pics from some of the things you're doing with your personal life.

 

And look - I know it's not easy to hear people pat you on the back and say stuff akin to "cheer up old sport, you're young - you got you're whole life ahead of you". I just turned 38 in June and just ended 2 year relationship because she was way too young for me and not ready for real commitment. Spent most of my 20's in a Catholic religious order and then realized I wanted a wife/family and came out of the order at the height of the recession and took two years to land my first "decent" corporate gig. So I was behind 6-8 years in terms of career, finances, dating experience, etc. And who knows - by the time I meet the right woman it may be too late for me to have kids (from a not wanting to be a 70 year old dad at my kids hs graduation) or she may be too old, what have you. But you won't attract anyone, let alone the person you deserve and the person you're meant to be with for a long time if you bring negative energy all the time. Not saying you can't get depressed or down - but find the ways that work to lift yourself back up - and remember - life isn't cookie cutter. WHen you get down remind yourself - a lot of rich or "successful" people have terrible relationships, are bad parents, are terrible people, and beautiful couples can have ugly souls, and happy couples can be poor as dirt or struggling with a family illness, etc. Not to put others down - but no one has a perfect life. ANd the perfect person for you will love you as you are, commit to you, and be there for you.

 

Oh - last note - you mentioned about women not wanting to date you if they earn more. Seriously - if someone is that shallow that they care about that - do you want to be with them? Because one day you may make more. Or they could get sick and not be able to work. Or they could be older and retire and you end up working 5-10 years while they don't have an income coming in - or their company goes belly up and they end up on unemployment for 6,12, 18 months. It's all a matter of perspective my friend. As the saying goes - those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind.

[Maggiemay1]

But meeting a girl from the Philippines online and hooking up with her I have seen go very well for a few guys. I will be updating with my experience as things unfold but right now, I recommend it to American men.

 

Lol!!!

The fillipino girls do this for money .

That doesn’t solve loneliness.

[greymatter]

If there are no single women where you are, how do you know a lot of them make more than you and won't consider you? Where are you getting this information if you are not having dates? I don't even know why income would come up so early in dating. When I was dating prior to meeting my partner, I didn't talk about my income and neither did the men I dated.

[mark clemson]

Perhaps the real issue is confidence? Women can be sensitive to that - generally speaking, confidence is sexy, a lack of it is not.

 

Not sure if this will work for you, but consider taking all reasonable measures to make yourself as attractive as possible to women. The thread linked below can help. If they think you are worth a 2nd and 3rd look the moment they lay eyes on you, that puts things in your favor right from the start.

 

Many women are sensitive to a "crowd" effect (as are many men) where if they know you are valued by other women that makes you more desirable. If you're clearly very good looking, they know you would be valued, so that kicks in automatically. Another issue is body language, including posture, mannerisms and stride. Some women are very sensitive to this, so as you work on other aspects of being attractive, experiment with that. Try to get to the point where you are turning heads/occasionally getting smiles and friendly looks or even stares from random women in your day to day life. (Just keep in mind that nothing works for all women, so this will just be a certain small percentage that respond like this).

 

This is easier said than done and will not happen overnight. But work on it and you should be able to eventually substantially improve your odds.

 

However good looking you may be, you do NOT want to come across as overly interested/"desperate"/clingy. Women can sense this from things like posture, over-eagerness or signs of nervousness, and slight tension in the cheekbones. Keep yourself relaxed, casual, and as much as is possible do not let any "neediness" show through.

 

To help with this suggest you engage with platonic conversations and light flirting with as many women as possible. The point of this is to make yourself fully comfortable with approaching a woman and starting a conversation. It should be fully natural to you.

 

Once you've made yourself quite attractive, don't engage with a specific woman until you've gotten an "all clear" from her. This normally takes the form of her smiling at you. Once you get the smile or a similar signal, such as her talking to you, it's ok to approach her and start a conversation.

 

Link: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/689200-question-women-what-do-you-find-attractive-about-man