mortensorchid Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 I just recently realized that I have been doing this, for how long I am not sure. Say you're in a crowded place (a bar, for example) and you are alone. You look around and see all these happy couples, or even groups of friends together and you wish you could also have that. You're not going to muscle in on the group or to someone, but ever let it get to you so bad that you are letting it show? Kind of like this picture (this is not me, this is a model off Google): https://www.google.com/search?q=woman+looking+sad&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj2sLbJ8fnjAhXJHM0KHWSlBgIQ_AUIESgB&biw=1227&bih=553#imgrc=OY9bIsjN6oJB4M: I have had times this has happened to me and I just wish that I could be approached or included but I let the depression get to me. How do you break this bad habit? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 How do you break this bad habit? well first you don't go to bars and clubs to meet people, any place where people are drinking is the worst place to find the love of your life. very few people have the looks and the social skills to meet someone in a bar and most relationships that start in a bar also end in a bar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Not exactly sure why you would be going to a bar alone in the first place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 You have to work on appearing "relaxed" as opposed to "stressed" when you are in company be it a bar or wherever the people are gathered, how to appear more relaxed then? hmmn- perhaps other posters can better advise! just on what you say there- that you would not muscle in on the group- why not- take a chance- well what are you guys talking about- have you room for another opinion,mind if I join in, Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 there are lots and lots of books on body language, buy one that's geared to women (or both sexes). then read it from cover to cover and implement/execute what it says Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 It's about self-talk - you have to tell yourself you're comfortable and calm in whatever circumstance you're in. Consciously control your body language, keep your shoulders back and head up. Not everyone is cut out to go out by themselves. If it really bothers you to the point you're visibly withdrawing into yourself, you should skip that altogether or work up to it gradually. Go out for lunch by yourself and get used to feeling comfortable, and then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Even if you feel like crap, sometimes it helps to act as if you own the world. Chin up, eyes front, shoulders square but not rigid. Dominate your environment. I have enticed quite a few girls by acting dominant. And my husband likes my assertive nature because he respects me as a competent partner. Body language says a lot to the world around you, and even more to the people close to you. My husband notices immediately if I look like the girl in that linked picture. It isn't my normal self, and I'm probably going to end up in his lap in about 30 seconds if he sees my like that. Now if I looked like that in public, nobody will want to be around me. If you want to attract people, you have to project who you want to be...not so much who you are and how you feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I think you need to be more comfortable being alone. I think you are envying people when you really don't have any idea what their life is really like. There are plenty (LOTS!) of married people who are miserable, but look like the perfect couple. But they feel trapped and can't get out. To me it seems like women, however they have lost their spouse, whether it is through death or divorce, seem to wait a lot longer before getting into a serious relationship again. Or they never do again. Whereas when a man's spouse dies, they seem to get back into relationships right away. I honestly think truly happy, longterm M/F relationships that are beneficial for both parties is more the exception than the norm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Also, bring a book to read. Or draw. Or write. Whatever. Don't be sad because you aren't those people. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 I'd never go to a bar alone because I wouldn't enjoy it. Only do things alone that you enjoy doing. Then you don't have to fake happiness and confidence, as you naturally feel good doing them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 Unless it's a meetup group, pubs and bars are generally where I'd go with friends. Not to make friends. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 More than 4 years ago now I went out to a local pub to hear live music, by myself. Honestly I don't remember the thought process that got me there other than wanting something new and different in my life. That one night was the beginning of what has become a large group of friends that I can't imagine not having in my life now. But I really enjoyed that first night (that's why I kept going out) and never saw myself as lacking compared to those who were paired up (of course I was going through a divorce and happy to be untethered). I found others who shared my love of music and the connections started there. Maybe if you find "your" place, whatever and wherever that might be, it will make the difference in how you feel and project yourself. I assume since you have gone out by yourself something about it appeals to you, but don't force something that makes you feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Maybe if you find "your" place, whatever and wherever that might be, it will make the difference in how you feel and project yourself. my idea of fun is not regularly hanging out in a bar with a bunch of alcoholics, listening to bad music and eating marginal food 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 my idea of fun is not regularly hanging out in a bar with a bunch of alcoholics, listening to bad music and eating marginal food I have to agree. 95% of the time I spent in bars in my life was largely uncomfortable and boring. The only time it's been good is if I went with a boyfriend for an hour or two to get a little crazy, have some drinks, play some pool, rock the room with our amazing karaoke duets, then go home and let the real fun begin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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