Why do I always sometimes feel uneasy with my boyfriend?

[Financialresponse]

Sometimes I feel so good (really loved and enjoy his company) being with my boyfriend of several years and other times, I want to run away. I've felt this way for a long time and believe it's because he makes me very uneasy from a financial standpoint.

 

In particular, because he has had money issues in the past, I am hypersensitive since he wants to move in with me. He boasts that he is really responsible now and in a very good place financially. I try to believe him but can't get there.

 

Here's what I know.... he brings in (gross) almost $60,000.00 and his checking account can be as low as about $100 (which is what it's been for the last 2 weeks until he gets $ in later this week) and after deposits, can be as high as $4,000.00. He only puts aside a little money each month into his savings.

 

I also know that he had been using 2 credit cards (telling me he cancelled the 3rd quite some time ago) but since last month he's been using a 3rd one (Am Express) and while he's pay the other 2 cards by the due date (the statement balance), he is starting to rack up charges on the Am Express. Plus, I assume there is an annual fee for the AE which he may not have with the other 2 cards.

 

Is this being fiscally responsible enough that I can trust if he moves in, he can be relied upon to share the household bills as he has?

 

I told him he goes through money like water.

 

The only other item that doesn't feel right is he is says that his friend doesn't pay any more than $500 to his 2nd wife and his sister-in-law doesn't pay anything to her new husband to live in their house. Is he saying this to make me feel bad about asking for any money at all?

[d0nnivain]

There is nothing to feel uneasy about. You KNOW he's bad with money & that the 2 of you have different approaches to finances. Just never co-mingle your finds with his & don't move in with him. Date him if you enjoy his company. Just accept that you can never count on him financially.

[stillafool]

Yes and if you ever plan to marry someone just know this isn't the guy and you are wasting precious time; that is if you ever want to have kids.

[Financialresponse]

no kids are planned. we are almost at retirement ago so I'm concerned about how this affects my retirement that I have saved for all my life (I have a good nest egg).

[SophieG]

Two adults near retirement age, the woman has savings the man has a yearly salary between 50 000$ and 60 000$, the woman not sure she wants to move in with him since he’s basically living paycheck to paycheck...

 

That same question, with the exact same background and information keeps getting asked weekly... I don’t know if it’s the same person (my guess would be that it is), but people’s opinion won’t change every time there’s a new thread on the matter.

[Mr. Lucky]

I also know that he had been using 2 credit cards (telling me he cancelled the 3rd quite some time ago) but since last month he's been using a 3rd one (Am Express) and while he's pay the other 2 cards by the due date (the statement balance), he is starting to rack up charges on the Am Express. Plus, I assume there is an annual fee for the AE which he may not have with the other 2 cards.

 

American Express isn't a credit card, the charges are (normally) due in full each month. Also, many cards come with benefits more than offsetting the annual fees.

 

There's a huge level of background judgment and distrust in your post. Is this all related to just financial matters?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Financialresponse]

It is a credit card (Macys/AE). He has lied in the past about his money stuff but has been more truthful yet he truly believes he is in "great shape" in terms of his $ - doesn't sound that way to me. Looks like he spends anything that comes into his hands and resents/will resent me for asking for a decedent HH expenses contribution. Why else make those comments?

[vla1120]

no kids are planned. we are almost at retirement ago so I'm concerned about how this affects my retirement that I have saved for all my life (I have a good nest egg).

 

Do not marry him!

[GorillaTheater]

Look, like Donni said don't move in with him and don't co-mingle funds. That's pretty much the consistent answer these threads (whether or not you're the author of those as well) always get.

 

If that's not enough for you, what exactly are you looking for?

[vla1120]

I only say do not marry him because half of what is yours could easily become his! Living together is fine - just keep your finances completely separate.

[GorillaTheater]

I only say do not marry him because half of what is yours could easily become his! Living together is fine - just keep your finances completely separate.

 

My concern about them moving in together, or the way it's been presented before: him moving in with her, is that she may find she has a leach on her hands who's not pulling his weight with expenses.