Breaking NC after 2 years?

[Ddog]

It's been two years since a break-up.

The relationship was short but intense.

 

Hot girl, tall, smart and with the deepest intellectual connection i ever got i guess? Everything was great, but she a got problem with her past and wasn't able to fully commit. (was cancelling date last minute, asked herself a lot of questions, feel fragile after each meet-up, called sick on job) i knew before she didn't really date for a long time that she was running from the hill or not really interrested in anybody.

 

She break-up with me by text because feel broken inside her, that when she open she block, that she knew she wasn't ready for a relationship, that if we continue she will just hurt me, that she need counseling, that she can't expect to be with anyone like that, that everything was there, but she got no response to her feeling, she don't recognize herself anymore, that i deserve better than all this and that i got a heart of gold, her past is coming back at her)

 

When she said all those things i was really sad and confuse. She really didn't want to lose me that she will feel a big hole, that with me time stopped and that she got the impression that we connect like nobody else.

I took it poorly because i was too confuse about that and was asking was the problem was and all that stuff. I got the suspicion something was not right because it didn't make any sense. We kind of got in a fight and i started NC right away without meeting her she said that we could meet but i needed my space and didn't really responded.

 

The problem is she cheated on me on day without her saying it.

She got to a ex (an acquaintance of mine) and kissed him pushed him away right after and started crying.

 

2-3 week later after knowing that i feel betrayed,hearth shattered, didn't trust her anymore, broken i deleted her from everything. I think she got the message quite fast because 1 or 2 day later she stopped seing all or mutual friend quit group message with everybody include. She called one time a female friend for a diner to know if i was coming she said yess so she didn't came.

 

From that times she didn't try to message me put herself away. The only time a saw her was at a funeral where we stand far from each other. I overheard a conversation that after the funeral where everybody was she feel awful but sad to lose everybody...

 

From those 2 years i felt helpfully broken, i think that the first time in my life (I'm 27 now) that i felt loved or at least very close to it. My previous girlfriend was great but i think never were in love deeply with me. I'm small but i'm charming i don't have problem physicaly with woman. But i always found something is missing mentaly with me or other. She was the ones i was really 100% myself with her but she betrayed me so i fall in big depression i guess. I got counseling for some time helped a little bit but lot of question are still unanswer. I took rejection very badly and i got a big impression that i'm different from anybody maybe it came from my childwood (my parents are not the perfect example in life) well whatever i worked on all this since then. So it helped me alot to face rejection. Now i can take a no with a woman and didn't flinch and i'm way more confident in myself i can flirt with woman easily. The problem is the connection i don't feel like i'm connecting with any woman anymore it's just not the same... I try maybe with something like 30 woman but after the initial state it feel not right from one side or the other. And a lot of those womans wasn't really better . Some was good people but didn't got the connection other was just awfull,instable,cheating so nothing really came out of all of this.

 

Since then i saw all my good friend male and woman begun to found great peoples and be happy in relationship or while having fun with lot of peoples.

But i begun to feel like the thirdwheel after all this time. I check regulary the profile of that girl to know if she meet somebody new but i don't think soo and i saw on my spotify that after breaking up with me she was listeling to a lot of love song. I heard from the ex that they met couple time but she don't look to wanting anything romantically with him in the end. I was trying to get information yess because i'm insecure but also to tell myself that if she is with somebody else maybe it wasn't just no to be but i got anything from that side. Maybe yess or no. But i don't so.

 

So after 2 years i still feel quite empty from all of this. The idea of breaking NC to get the closure and anwers i didn't get crossed my mind. I want to let go of the anger and negativity about all of this. Everybody said i done the right thing to ghost her and i think it was right at the time for getting my space and respect myself. But after all this time and all the stuff that happened in my life i'm not sure anymore. I said to myself if we cross path maybe we could reconsile (Mostly like friend that be great).

 

Mores peoples begun talking about her again since a month and i get the feeling we will cross path eventually.

 

So what do you thing should i break NC after all this time or continue to let it go? Or other general tips on my situation?

[Marc878]

Closure comes from within.

 

If there was anything there you'd know it.

 

If they cheat the capability is there to do it again. An admitted kiss is usually a lie it probably went further.

 

You should get some IC help. You are still in contact by checking her social media. Block it.

[Ddog]

Closure comes from within.

 

Mostly right on that one!

 

If there was anything there you'd know it.

 

What you mean by that?

 

If they cheat the capability is there to do it again. An admitted kiss is usually a lie it probably went further.

 

She never admitted it and i never confronted her about it. The ex told his friend the story because he didn't understand so could be true that was just a kiss but i'm not 100% sure. Anyways whatever happen i count it as cheating and i don't accept this kind of behavior.

 

You should get some IC help. You are still in contact by checking her social media. Block it.

Try to checking her stuff yup not healty i know. IC help?

[Marc878]

 

If there was anything there you'd know it.

 

What you mean by that?

 

She would have found a way to contact you or come by and see you. She didn't.

 

 

IC is individual Counseling. A therapist should know how to guide you through this.

[Ddog]

She would have found a way to contact you or come by and see you. She didn't.

 

I blocked her and ghosted her after our last message. I know she told one friend that i can talk to her but he responded that i was just processing the break-up. He didn't told me, i saw the conversation while playing a video game on my friend pc. She most likely don't have the courage or didn't wanted to hurt me more. I was not realy helping there neither at that time i just couldn't forgive it.

 

IC is individual Counseling. A therapist should know how to guide you through this.

 

Been there done that. Was helping when i was in the bottom. But after that was kind of useless. We begun running in circle when i got better with myself. I found why i react so badly to that situation and other in the past. I got great friend for support, i do sport, i got great holidays, i learned music and lot of other stuff since then.

 

But with relationship never been lucky and this one is weird after this one it like i been running in circle and still got something to do.

Edited August 12, 2019 by Ddog

[d0nnivain]

The idea of breaking NC to get the closure and anwers i didn't get crossed my mind. I want to let go of the anger and negativity about all of this.

 

You will get closure when you let go of the anger & the negativity. Breaking NC to talk to her won't get you closure. Closure comes from within. She doesn't have the words you want. She may not even talk to you. Why should she? when she wanted to talk 2 years ago, you didn't want to listen. All this time later, you would just be an unwelcome intrusion.

 

You need to go over what happened in your own head. See where you went wrong or what signals you missed. You need to give yourself permission to move forward. Then you need to rebuild your life.

[Ddog]

You will get closure when you let go of the anger & the negativity. Breaking NC to talk to her won't get you closure. Closure comes from within. She doesn't have the words you want. She may not even talk to you. Why should she? when she wanted to talk 2 years ago, you didn't want to listen. All this time later, you would just be an unwelcome intrusion.

 

You're right she doesn't have the word i want i know it that why i didn't come talk to her. Talk to me maybe yess maybe not that and i should have talk but at the time i couldn't and she was saying thing out of fear mostly. Unwelcome intrusion that one of the main reason i wanted some advice here for breaking NC and i always said to myself if we cross path that could be more appropriate because now it to late not necessarily be friend but just make peace.

 

You need to go over what happened in your own head. See where you went wrong or what signals you missed. You need to give yourself permission to move forward. Then you need to rebuild your life.

 

Word of wisdom