Am I too picky?

[guy45]

How do I know who to date or be in a relationship with?

At first glance the answer would seem obvious, someone you like, but its never that easy for me. I always seem to be attracting people that have some sort of flaw about them and are never quite what I want. They are close but I always want more.

Can I be happy with someone like this? Are my standards too high?

 

Btw its hard for me to even get dates but when I do it's never really with who I want. I guess all the women I want to date are either out of my league or live too far away.

 

Any advice would be good.

[chillii]

How old are you anyway ?

You know ages and stages all have their thing in this stuff.

But nope it doesn't sound your being too picky to me for the simple fact that when the right one comes along , you wanna be in a relationship with her. You want that. lt's just the natural feeling and then progression from there when we meet that someone.

But you don't , so l'd say your on the right track. lf you don't but you try it anyway , it'll probably only prove that you were right in the first place later.

[Foxhall]

I remember as a child my Aunt said to what did I think of the picture out of ten,

 

I says 10/10 - She said she would say 9/10,

 

nothing or nobody is ever perfect- there is always room for improvement.

[elaine567]

Hard to say if you are too picky or not.

It depends on the filters you are using and if they are realistic or not.

 

If you are not getting many dates and the ones you are getting are not "good enough" for you, then perhaps your expectations are too high.

 

OLD is not supermarket shopping. The "goods" on offer are not available to every one.

The "goods" also have their say and if they say no they say no, and you are left with only those who say yes.

How "valuable" would you say you are to your target group?

[basil67]

Based on your previous posts, I would say that you're too picky. But the alternative is to not be happy with who you've got, so I'm not sure what alternative there is.

[guy45]

I'm 27 and most of this refers to online dating. In terms of value online I'm average. Once in a blue moon I do manage to get a date, but again it's with someone I wouldn't really like, not just me but even my family doesn't really like them, not that there's anything wrong with them they just don't think we'd be a good match.

 

 

The people interested in me from real life usually seem to be more appealing to me than those online, the problem is I don't have much of a social life since I'm still finishing school and have little money, so it's hard to meet people that way.

 

 

Also I'm using Match, and I feel that may be part of the problem. It seems that most people on there don't even have a paid subscription so they couldn't even reply if they wanted to, and given 50 matches that makes my odds of meeting the right person pretty slim.

[kompass]

How do I know who to date or be in a relationship with? They are close but I always want more. Can I be happy with someone like this? Are my standards too high?

 

Thank you for an interesting post. Let me try a reply!

 

Well, first of all if you do not desire to be with them you shouldn't. So in that way you are not too picky and your standards are not too high. The only way the answer to that is yes was if you would rather be with them than to be alone, for the time being. And for that to be true you would have to be incredibly needy, and I would instead focus on removing that neediness, if it is true for you.

 

I think the key for you is to be genuinely happy with being alone. Why? No woman is going to make you happy, that is your own job and not her burden. When you fall in love, you will feel happy for a little while but when that initial infatuation subsides you will be back to unhappy. So the focus should be on creating a life where you are content by yourself, and with who you are, and any women are an added bonus bringing some extra joy into your life.

 

Coincidentally this is also an excellent way to become more attractive, because if you succeed in being happy alone, you are not needy, and neediness is the number one killer of attraction.

 

Be careful of assigning value to people, both girls and yourself, based on appearance, wealth, charisma etc. If you find yourself evaluating those characteristics and comparing them to yourself, then it may be a sign that you are looking to "complete yourself" by attaining a higher status, recognition or the like as a result of conquering someone more "valuable" than you. You decide your own value, not other people, and your own self is just as valuable if you date a supermodel or an ugly fat girl in a wheelchair (I would give respect to the latter!)

 

For your question: how do I know who to date.

Stop searching for your soul mate. Just be with people you like, be open and honest with them about your intentions, be content with being alone and enjoy the process of getting to know new people, and see where it takes you.

 

Hope that helps.

[guy45]

When you fall in love, you will feel happy for a little while but when that initial infatuation subsides you will be back to unhappy. So the focus should be on creating a life where you are content by yourself, and with who you are, and any women are an added bonus bringing some extra joy into your life.

This is so true. When I was with someone in the past after the infatuation stage wore off I always found myself asking "now what?". It's funny to mention I had nothing to do all day either because before online dating was all I did. So after I had found someone I was literally bored all day.

[shydad]

Are my standards too high?

Hi guy45, if you fall in love, I really don't think your standards are going to matter. What would have once seemed important will no longer be important. You haven't met the right woman yet.

[chillii]

Yep, exactly.

[preraph]

At some point, if you're lucky, you'll just click with someone and at that point, you'll be willing to accept them warts and all because life is better with them than without them. Nobody is easy or perfect.