goldengirl11 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Hi everyone, I've had a very difficult weekend, after meeting my ex-MM for a coffee on Friday. He initiated it (he asked me a couple of times recently), to update me on quite a few changes in his life. It was only for an hour and a half in a hot and noisy café of all places, which made him quite irritated, not helped if I misheard him! He is basically splitting from his wife and wants to move out in the near future, which I believe. I would have probably been quite excited about this, but he upset me when mentioning his last relationship (affair) with a married woman from his last job, with whom it fizzled out with last year. In a nutshell, he 'dumped' me for her, after lying he was seeing anyone else, which contributed to me having a mental breakdown about 2 years ago. Basically he said he doesn't regret it, but wouldn't do it again... "Things happen". Did he have no idea what I went through? Although I doubt he would understand, or really care. I feel sooo frustrated he said that. Surely you have to be available / give signals for an affair to happen? It was her that started it, but still... I feel betrayed. He said the most hurtful things to me when he turned his attentions to this other person e.g appeared to blame me for his ED. We were involved for approx 5/6 years, and although I do still have feelings for him, I'm trying to move on now, definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 He's now an Ex, just an Ex MM, rather than regular Ex. Suggest you process your feelings and then treat him as such. It's understandable in a way to want to do a little catching up (again as it would be for many Ex's, if they didn't end on terrible terms and had fully "gotten to neutral" emotionally) but clearly meeting him is triggering for you (as it is for a significant number of people with their Ex's). As you say, be done with him and move on. His life, marriage, etc are his issues to deal with now... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Who updates their ex, by moaning about the ending of the relationship he cheated on her and left her for... Talk about insensitive... and "Now I have no-one in the pipeline, how about we meet for coffee..." "Jog on loser..." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising8 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 (edited) .....Basically he said he doesn't regret it, but wouldn't do it again... "Things happen". Did he have no idea what I went through? Although I doubt he would understand, or really care. I feel sooo frustrated he said that. This guy clearly has no remorse ... it just happened? Seriously? So he cheated on his wife, cheated on you and dumped you for another other, doesn't regret it and 2 years later wants to "catch up" when he's leaving (supposedly) his wife, assuming she isn't the one throwing him out on his backside. His other "other" fizzled out so he contacts you. Then he has the unmitigated gall to get irritated when you can't hear him in a loud coffee shop?!?! What is there to love? This man is looking for a soft landing and cares only about himself. You are just convenient. Please ask yourself what it is you love. If you're honest, I think the list is very short. You may love the how he made you feel at the beginning when it was at its best, but I can't believe you'd still love a man such as the one you described. Run hard and fast in the other direction. He IS NOT worth your love or mental health. Edited August 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 I not a violent person, but that guy deserves a smack. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 He is basically splitting from his wife and wants to move out in the near future, which I believe. His wife probably figured out what he was up to and is throwing him out. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 What does this man have to do for you to tell him “No, thank you” the next time he calls and asks you to meet up for coffee... Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Surely you have to be available / give signals for an affair to happen? It was her that started it, but still... I feel betrayed. He said the most hurtful things to me when he turned his attentions to this other person e.g appeared to blame me for his ED. . So are you actually accusing this man of having an affair and cheating on you? It was ok for him to cheat on his wife with you for 5-6yrs but suddenly his behaviour is unacceptable because he decided to cheat with sometime else? Understand I'm not downplaying the fact you must have been hurt by his actions but can't you see that what he did with the last OW was no different to what he with you? I hope he truly is divorcing if for no other reason than his wife deserves so much better. I do suspect the decision is hers and he's out looking for a soft place to land. I don't know why you met him after so long but I'd go back to NC immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 I fail to understand why you would even entertain the idea of meeting him again. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted August 14, 2019 Author Share Posted August 14, 2019 (edited) So are you actually accusing this man of having an affair and cheating on you? It was ok for him to cheat on his wife with you for 5-6yrs but suddenly his behaviour is unacceptable because he decided to cheat with sometime else? Understand I'm not downplaying the fact you must have been hurt by his actions but can't you see that what he did with the last OW was no different to what he with you? I hope he truly is divorcing if for no other reason than his wife deserves so much better. I do suspect the decision is hers and he's out looking for a soft place to land. I don't know why you met him after so long but I'd go back to NC immediately. I see your points and yes, I do feel guilty for playing a part on cheating on his wife in the past. In fact, I regret the whole relationship! I also possibly believe in Karma now! Nevertheless, I am disgusted at how insensitive he has been to me in recent times, which sadly he can't see himself. I was quite surprised how much he went into during that hour or so, but now regret it obviously. Edited August 14, 2019 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I’m somewhat on the same page with Amethyst and it sounds like you came on here for sympathy but... My advice to you would be put him in the past and move on. What good did you think there would be with meeting him? If he said something else would you have taken him back? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I am disgusted at how insensitive he has been to me in recent times, which sadly he can't see himself. He is obviously under no obligation to be sensitive to your feelings. He wasn’t sensitive to your feelings while you were “together,” which makes me wonder why you would have any expectation of that now. Lesson learned. Be glad you are in a better place and grateful that he is not your problem anymore! Next time he reaches out, tell him that you are busy... washing your hair, walking your dog, with another man... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Just block any way he can reach you! Why don’t you think you deserve better than this creep? Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I’m somewhat on the same page with Amethyst and it sounds like you came on here for sympathy but... My advice to you would be put him in the past and move on. What good did you think there would be with meeting him? If he said something else would you have taken him back? If you don't meet with him, how would you know what it is he wanted? (and if she had feelings for him still, which she did, why wouldn't she want to get an update on those 'changes'?) I'm sure the OP regrets her decision and learned her lesson, after this meetup. It might be a good thing, after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Never be surprised when a snake acts like a... snake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
karmaisabitotch Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 (edited) OP..... Why would you agree to meet him for a coffee or whatever his reason? He dumped you and you had a mental breakdown 2 years ago. Now you agree to meet him again? OMG. if you are trying to move on, then block or ignore all his calls or messages. Love yourself more! Have peace dear. Edited August 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Who updates their ex, by moaning about the ending of the relationship he cheated on her and left her for... Talk about insensitive... and "Now I have no-one in the pipeline, how about we meet for coffee..." "Jog on loser..." :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I am sorry this meeting dug up old hurts. It was bound to in a way. You are under no obligation to meet an ex for a 'catch-up' or anything, unless there is a legal order in place making you do so. I would guess that you found the meeting confusing, along the lines of 'Why did he want to meet?'. There is nothing in what you said that explains that, apart from attention seeking. Perhaps he feels badly-done-to, now that he is finally getting a divorce. Given that is is mostly women who initiate divorce, he may not have chosen this. Married men who have affairs seem to be particularly attached to the security of their marriages, as they could have left instead of having an affair. He is clearly a guy with no empathy and what he does is self-serving. While he was obviously good at turning on the charm, he is not such a good friend or partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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