joseph327 Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Hello, this is a long one. I’m a 19 y/o student and I’ve been with my GF for more than 1 year now. We live in the caribbean, she is latina, but I’m from arab descendance. Because of that, my parents have never approved the relationship 100% and they think of it as a short term experience, and not taking it seriously. Another thing is that being that they are old school arabs, they expect me to marry an arab girl. The problem is, I love her very much, but my parents don’t seem to care, they just don’t want me to promise her any future within the relationship, and I don’t have the courage to confront them and tell them that I’m in a happy relationship in which I feel secure. On the other side, I wanna talk to my girlfirend and tell her not to expect a perfect future for us, because I dont want those dreams to mess up her head and taking some bad decicions in her life. I just want us to continue the relationship, but at the same time not to take it so seriously and have our education as our number one priority. How do I tell both my parents and my GF that I’m in a happy relationship but at the same time I don’t want to commit full time? I’m just scared of being torn apart by both sides. I’m not saying that my GF thinks we’re gonna get married, is just that I want it to make it clear for her to not expect a healthy future. Thank you very much Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I’m a 19 y/o student and I’ve been with my GF for more than 1 year now. We live in the caribbean, she is latina, but I’m from arab descendance. In a backwards way, your parents are doing you a favor. At 19, you should be focused on school, transitioning into a career and crossing the threshold into adulthood. Ideally, this would include the chance to date many women from different backgrounds, cultures and ethnicities. You live in a diverse area, take advantage of it. As part of this, you'd be honest with your GF about an uncertain future - but based on your priorities and goals, not your parents. Listen as much as you talk to understand her feelings also. Way too soon in life to be serious about each other... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I normally approve of parents helping their kids sort the chaff from the wheat when it comes to relationships but not in this case. Your parent's bias is based on tribalism. They could care less about your future happiness or satisfaction as long as tradition is held to. You are going to have to pick your way through their advice in the future. They don't have your best interests at heart. It may be a few more years before you will move out from underneath their shadow so be kind to the girl you are with and let her know it will never last because you can't go against your parents. She deserves to know what she's up against. Who knows. Maybe she will make a special effort to win them over. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 You are 19. Downshift on the future & forever talk. You need to get an education & a job. Then you can think about the rest of your life, marriage & family. Things may change. Enjoy the relationship you have now. As it progresses & your parents get more used to your GF hopefully they will soften their stance. If there is a religious or cultural leader who can intervene on your behalf to speak to your parents about our new multicultural world, in general, rather than your GF specifically that may lay the ground work. . Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 If there is a religious or cultural leader who can intervene on your behalf to speak to your parents about our new multicultural world, in general, . The multicultural ideology only exists in western nations in my very humble opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 The multicultural ideology only exists in western nations in my very humble opinion. Last time I looked the Caribbean was in the west. OP & his parents live in the Caribbean, not the middle east. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Make sure your gf understands that you are too young to even contemplate marriage and are likely to wait until you're 30. By then you should be able to stand up to your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
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