Undecided about a situation...

[Rocker71]

I will need to get some extra work since my regular gig will be slowing down in a few months. I'd like to get the post I had with my former employer and I'm pretty sure he'll let me work there as much as I need to.

 

There's a situation there though. I have gone on numerous 'nice guy' dinner dates with one of the residents of the place and basically wasn't man enough to seal the deal with her. I was then just out of a relationship and clueless about hook ups and dating in general. She finally indirectly rejected me by a text that said "I'll text U another day". I recognized this as a rejection right away and never contacted her again. This was more than a year ago.

 

What I'm conflicted about is if I take extra work there I don't want her to think I did it because of wanting to see her again or stalking her. I have since gotten experience in the dating arena with some success but I really liked her at the time and am really embarrassed about how I was so clueless and couldn't be the man she wanted with her.

 

There's also another woman I was this way with there too. I got my fair share of female attention at that post. I was just not a very experienced dater then and it actually does bother me about what these 2 women think of me. I need the extra income. I just don't want to either women to think I'm back working there to try and stalk them because I'm really not.

 

Is there a way I can think about this to reframe the situation in my mind so it won't bother me as much if I do contact my former employer about some work? Is there a way I could act or be with these women should I decide to work there again so it won't feel so awkward? If I decide to take work there it's a guarantee I'll have to interact with both of them every day.

Edited August 15, 2019 by Rocker71

[Mrin]

Well for yourself that's easy - you need the extra work. That it. You seem pretty clear on that.

 

For them I would say just be friendly cold. By that I mean be friendly and nice but don't interact with them. Like don't ask them questions or chit chat. Answer questions and do any work stuff in a friendly manner but don't prolong any interaction with them. That will send a clear signal that you're there to work not interact with them.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have gone on numerous 'nice guy' dinner dates with one of the residents of the place and basically wasn't man enough to seal the deal with her.

 

Perhaps a blessing in disguise? Had you “sealed the deal”, your return might be even more problematic.

 

Agree with Mrin, just be cordial, treat them like everyone else.

 

Have you thought about what might happen should one - or both - of them be interested in unfinished business?

 

Mr. Lucky

[preraph]

I understand you feel awkward. Here's the thing, though. It's time to stop caring what she thinks. Really, it's work, and your only obligation is to be polite and professional. With her, maybe you won't even have to interact for business, but if you do, just polite and professional and NOTHING at all personal, no questions, don't offer anything about your personal life or share how you're doing or anything. Just realize it never really happened and that's all there is to it. No reason to feel you can't work with her politely if need be. You can totally ignore her unless you pass in the hall, and you just say "Hi" and keep moving.

[Flame Aura]

Why would you care what they think?

 

 

This is your life, you are doing it for yourself, it has nothing to do with them. If they think it does then let them. If you see them, then be polite say hi etc, and that's all. No need to become best friends with them.

[Foxhall]

Perhaps you will get a second bite at the cherry, you could put your new found confidence to good use this time,

 

might not be your intention but thats the way it may end up:cool:

[Rocker71]

Perhaps you will get a second bite at the cherry, you could put your new found confidence to good use this time,

 

might not be your intention but thats the way it may end up:cool:

 

Interesting concept.

 

I think my iron grew cold with the first one. Although it's a remote possibility I may feel differently if she starts her flirting again.

 

The second one turned me off completely because she gets whiny, negative, and disrespectful when she drinks. And she Can't not include alcohol when she goes out somewhere.

[Rocker71]

Why would you care what they think?

 

I keep asking myself that. I guess it's an ego thing. I really should not care. Women will think what they want to think anyway. No matter how inaccurate it is.