I don’t know how to stop.

[RoseGold18]

This is a real question.

 

I want to stop. I want to be honest. I want to come clean. This isn’t really who I am and I know it’s wrong.

 

I want to keep my family together and BE HAPPY, I really really do.

 

I don’t know how to stop. I crave the attention and the touch. I crave feeling wanted and sexy. I crave the compliments and eat them up. It’s my escape and the only time I feel alive and amazing.

 

It’s not the thrill of having an affair that I crave. It’s the desire and the lust that I can’t give up. It’s feeling confident in my own skin. We have crazy sex. Mind blowing sex that makes me feel so good.

 

I have no idea how to fix my marriage and make things better when there is no spark and the sex was horrible.

[stillafool]

Maybe try getting a divorce and then go out and fulfill your desire for attention, lust and sex. Or, try therapy and divorce.

[RoseGold18]

Maybe try getting a divorce and then go out and fulfill your desire for attention, lust and sex. Or, try therapy and divorce.

 

But I don’t want to get a divorce and break up my family.

[Turning point]

But I don’t want to get a divorce and break up my family.

 

It's unfortunate, but IMHO you've already done that. Your family just hasn't realized it yet. There's no way you can satiate this drug addiction to sex and lust without leaving a void in your wake.

 

Someone else is picking up your slack, and it's probably your spouse. They likely feel like they're married to ghost' If you have kids they are usually the first one's to tune into the duplicity and unavailability, and it pains them.

 

Enjoy the ride but, no that this never ends - it crashes.

[Marc878]

But I don’t want to get a divorce and break up my family.

 

You've already destroyed your family. They just don't know it yet.

[mark clemson]

There's no perfection in the world. It's unrealistic to think you can have everything you want in life. It's all about choices and trade-offs.

 

Continuing the affair is a choice, divorce is a choice, trying to patch up a marriage with little likelihood of success or happiness is a choice, seeking therapy for sex addition (if that's actually what you have) is a choice.

 

All the choices have advantages and they all have significant drawbacks as well.

[DKT3]

Some time back when posters were coming down on you, you popped in to say your husband agreed to an open marriage, I was suspicious of the timing and now its obvious that it wasn't the case.

 

When you want to live an authentic life it starts with being honest with yourself. Bottom line is, I doubt your sex with husband is that bad (A claim made by most cheating wives here) I believe you are simply being selfish.

[pepperbird]

I'm sorry your marriage isn't what you want it to be. I understand wanting more. I understand feeling unhappy and I also understand why you feel like there is something missing.

 

What I don't understand is why you feel justified in dragging your whole fmaily along with you for the ride, whether they want it or not. You have clearly put your own wants ( and I specifically chose that word) ahead of everyone else's, and I'm sorry, but when you are a parent, I don't think you get to do that, I don't think someone should feel comfortable doing that and quite frankly, I think they darn well should feel guilt about it.

 

It's no different than if you were unhappy and decided to give heroin a try. Sure, it might make you feel good for a brief time, but that wears off. The impact it has one everyone else in your life does not. If you want to spend your life perusing physical pleasures, great. Have at it. Just don't drag your whole family down with you. You can hardly claim to care about not blowing up your fmaily while, at the same time, you go out and do the one thing that has a high chance of obliterating it.

[DKT3]

^^^this

 

Items seems to obvious that words dont match actions. Worse part is they convince themselves they are being honest with the words when they clearly aren't. Truth is she doesn't care about breaking her family because she doesn't think she will be caught.

[RoseGold18]

Some time back when posters were coming down on you, you popped in to say your husband agreed to an open marriage, I was suspicious of the timing and now its obvious that it wasn't the case.

 

When you want to live an authentic life it starts with being honest with yourself. Bottom line is, I doubt your sex with husband is that bad (A claim made by most cheating wives here) I believe you are simply being selfish.

 

It’s true that my husband said we could have an opened marriage but I was scared that it would change the way we treated each other if he really knew.

 

We haven’t had sex in 1.5 years. Before that it would be once every 3 months, sometimes once every 6 months. When I was pregnant we went over a year without sex as well.

 

There is no intimacy between my husband and I. He is either asexual or gay. I can’t figure it out and at this point I really don’t care.

[Turning point]

It’s true that my husband said we could have an opened marriage but I was scared that it would change the way we treated each other if he really knew.

 

We haven’t had sex in 1.5 years. Before that it would be once every 3 months, sometimes once every 6 months. When I was pregnant we went over a year without sex as well.

 

There is no intimacy between my husband and I. He is either asexual or gay. I can’t figure it out and at this point I really don’t care.

 

It sounds like your husband either knows about your affair or is having one of his own. If he knows about your affair, the idea of leftovers turns him off. If he's getting a hot meal somewhere else then like you, he's just no hungry.

 

The belief that he's asexual or gay is probably just a coping mechanism on your part. Helps alleviate guilt. I don't think you could have gotten this far if there was any truth in that.

[mark clemson]

You can hardly claim to care about not blowing up your fmaily while, at the same time, you go out and do the one thing that has a high chance of obliterating it.

 

 

To be fair, divorcing would also be obliterating her family; or at least breaking it apart. Probably less acrimoniously than a dday would be, but still breaking it apart.

[RoseGold18]

^^^this

 

Items seems to obvious that words dont match actions. Worse part is they convince themselves they are being honest with the words when they clearly aren't. Truth is she doesn't care about breaking her family because she doesn't think she will be caught.

 

It’s true that I don’t think I’ll get caught. However part of me thinks my husband wouldn’t care because he has told me before we can have an opened marriage.

 

I also know that my husband rather stay married for the sake of our son than have to spilt time with me and only see his son 50% of the time.

 

I don’t think MOST people get it. I’m not talking about bad sex here. I’m talking about no sex. No affection. No touching. No compliments. Nothing... for years. My husband has no desire for any of it.

 

Go ahead and judge me all you want but you have no idea about this level of lack of intimacy. My husband is like a dud. He is incredibly inexperienced and doesn’t even try.

 

We haven’t kissed since we said I do.... 7 years ago. He doesn’t hold me. He doesn’t hold my hand. He doesn’t do anything sexual. He doesn’t see me as a sexual being and he doesn’t desire me.

 

I’m 5’2, 120lbs about 10lbs more than when we first started dating. But he has always been that way. When we first started dating I even had a boob job. I was 5’2, 110lbs and had a 32D.

 

Having your own spouse never desire you or give you attention can really damage your own self esteem.

[karmaisabitotch]

 

We haven’t had sex in 1.5 years. Before that it would be once every 3 months, sometimes once every 6 months. When I was pregnant we went over a year without sex as well.

 

 

 

Have you and your husband talked about this?

[RoseGold18]

It sounds like your husband either knows about your affair or is having one of his own. If he knows about your affair, the idea of leftovers turns him off. If he's getting a hot meal somewhere else then like you, he's just no hungry.

 

The belief that he's asexual or gay is probably just a coping mechanism on your part. Helps alleviate guilt. I don't think you could have gotten this far if there was any truth in that.

 

Not true at all. He never goes out. He has zero desire for sex. It’s nothing new. He has always been this way.

 

During sex he would have a hard time getting hard and when he would get hard he would have a hard time ejaculating. I would beg. I would cry. I would ask so many questions. I would cry to him. I would try to figure it out. I stopped trying. I stopped begging.

[DKT3]

It’s true that my husband said we could have an opened marriage but I was scared that it would change the way we treated each other if he really knew.

 

We haven’t had sex in 1.5 years. Before that it would be once every 3 months, sometimes once every 6 months. When I was pregnant we went over a year without sex as well.

 

There is no intimacy between my husband and I. He is either asexual or gay. I can’t figure it out and at this point I really don’t care.

 

So either you want to fix your marriage or you dont care. There is no middle ground. I stand by my statement that you simply are being selfish, the truth doesn't interest you, you want what you want that is a husband at home and you off doing your thing.

 

Lastly, when did it dawn on you that open meant your husband was free to see other people. You see you have no problem with you having a one way open marriage you just dont want him to have the same opportunity...why is that if you believe he is asexual then he would not do it anyway or if he is gay then sex with you is horrible for him as well...does he not deserve to find the fulfilling sexual relationship you have?

[RoseGold18]

Have you and your husband talked about this?

 

So many times.

 

Nothing would change.

 

I would tel him how the lack of intimacy pushes me away emotionally. We would talk for literally hours. Cry. Try to figure it out and then I would just go to bed feeling even ****ter with still no sex!!!!

 

I finally stepped out of my marriage because I felt so desperate. I’ve been sleeping with an ex boyfriend of mine for a year. He is married as well.

[RoseGold18]

So either you want to fix your marriage or you dont care. There is no middle ground. I stand by my statement that you simply are being selfish, the truth doesn't interest you, you want what you want that is a husband at home and you off doing your thing.

 

Lastly, when did it dawn on you that open meant your husband was free to see other people. You see you have no problem with you having a one way open marriage you just dont want him to have the same opportunity...why is that if you believe he is asexual then he would not do it anyway or if he is gay then sex with you is horrible for him as well...does he not deserve to find the fulfilling sexual relationship you have?

 

I don’t care if he sleeps with someone else. I don’t care if he is having an affair.

 

My worry is that he would treat me differently because he doesn’t understand it. He doesn’t understand sex.

[BaileyB]

But I don’t want to get a divorce and break up my family.

 

The feeling of love, desire, and emotional connection that you are seeking is not going to be found with your husband, in your marriage. Bottom line.

 

IF that is important to you, and it should be, then your only option is to divorce and find a single man with whom you can build a relationship and have a future together.

 

It is literally your only option. What you are currently doing is simply not sustainable.

[BaileyB]

you want what you want that is a husband at home and you off doing your thing.

 

No, what she wants based on past discussions is to maintain her current standard of living. This is primarily about finances, then “keeping the family together.”

 

The marriage is dead. It has been for a long time. This is a marriage of convenience, in which they are raising a child.

[DKT3]

I don’t care if he sleeps with someone else. I don’t care if he is having an affair.

 

My worry is that he would treat me differently because he doesn’t understand it. He doesn’t understand sex.

 

So n translation you fear he find someone better suited for him and leave you.

[RoseGold18]

No, what she wants based on past discussions is to maintain her current standard of living. This is primarily about finances, then “keeping the family together.”

 

The marriage is dead. It has been for a long time. This is a marriage of convenience, in which they are raising a child.

 

Yes!!!! 100%

 

But how can I fix it if I want to fix it.

 

I have lost hope.

[DKT3]

Yes!!!! 100%

 

But how can I fix it if I want to fix it.

 

I have lost hope.

 

That's the easy answer, I believe it has more to do with abandonment....I judging from your reaction to the Ashley Madison guy when he was not interested.

[BaileyB]

Yes!!!! 100%

 

But how can I fix it if I want to fix it.

 

I have lost hope.

 

You can’t fix it. We have told you that, time and again...

 

A marriage is TWO people. You can’t have a marriage when one person wants sex and the other person doesn’t. You can’t change him - such that he becomes an affectionate, sexual being.... He is who he is, and he has been that way since before he met you.

 

The ONlY option you have is to divorce this man, and find another who can provide the things that YOU NEED in a relationship. But, that would require you to put your big girl pants on and make the sacrifices that are required - finding another home for yourself, decreasing your spending, and raising your son as a single parent (at least part of the time).

 

It is your only option.

 

With respect, you sound like a child on a rainy day throwing a tantrum because she wants to go outside and play but the sun won’t come out. “I want the sun. I want to go outside. Come out sun.”

 

You can’t change someone else. And, you can’t make a marriage work if you have a partner who does not want to participate in the marriage. Full stop.

[RoseGold18]

So n translation you fear he find someone better suited for him and leave you.

 

No...

 

I guess I’m not explaining this well enough. That’s not it at all.