She broke up with me, so heartbroken. What do I do?

[BlueV12]

I frankly think there's alot of compounding factors at play. They probably demonstrated to her how you have poor boundaries with your parents, your controlling and of course the lying which led to it being a deal breaker for her. I'd say focus on yourself now, and work on being better in your next relationship.

 

Thank you for your candid reply. After reading your post and thinking about my behavior, you're absolutely right. If I was her, I would probably have felt the same and reacted the same way.

 

I made so many mistakes, I get it. I have learned my lesson and I know in my heart I won't make the same things if I ever get back into a

relationship with her or someone else.

 

I have truly gone NC now, and I plan to stick with it, no matter what happens.

 

Do you think this relationship is over for good? Do you see any chance at all down the road for a reconciliation?

Edited August 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[BlueV12]

Sorry to hear you’re going through this mate,

 

I take a less severe opinion. Seems you got caught between the devil and the deep blue sea and backed the wrong horse. You have folks with Iron opinions and a controlling manner themselves. You’re undoing was rolling in with that and facilitating it, you became complicit and it all blurred into one big nasty for her.

 

I’ve actually been in her shoes with a partner who has folks who have too much to say. It doesn’t feel nice when your partner doesn’t stand your ground. She prob feels a little bit ganged up on to be honest. People need to feel safe and valued in their other half. Basically to know they would take a stand.

 

She sees you as defacto an extension of your folks and their opinions. It was all caused by you moving home, not identifying her as your gf to them and also passing their opinions of her backwards to her. Like you’re all one big criticising judgmental unit that looks down on her.

 

Moving forward, she’s made it clear for now. She’ll simmer down. People don’t stay furious for long. Anger is a very hard emotion to keep going and usually subsides. It’s all high emotion at the min.

 

In the meantime best thing you can do, for yourself actually is be your own man, away from your folks. If you stand on your own two feet, live apart form them and crack on you’ll feel better. So two birds one stone.

 

Can’t predict what the outcome will be but you stand the better chance that way. Don’t stay at home caught in that loop. She’ll always see you the same otherwise. You have to respect what she’s told you and leave her be.

 

For now, don't do anything. Focus on getting a job, and a place of your own and AWAY from your parents. Ridiculous that she didn't meet their 'standards'. Give your GF her space.

 

Thank you guys for reading my post and giving me your advice.

 

It is true, I was just caught between a rock and a hard place and was trying to satisfy both parties. Because I was living at the time with my parents, it was hard to "defy" them. It doesn't excuse my lies, and I wish I had done it differently, but obviously it is too late now.

 

Now I have moved out and have started law school, and am paying everything out of my pocket. I am no longer bound by my parents, and I have no plan to do so in the future.

 

I texted that to my ex, but obviously she wasn't having it and blocked me on Instagram like I mentioned.

 

She is EXTREMELY angry right now. I hope you're right, that she will simmer down. I don't know if she will, but I hope she does.

 

Before this whole ****storm with my parents and when I was living near her for 1.5 years, we were truly happy. We formed many happy memories and we were discussing future together and maybe even marriage. It seems so long ago.

 

 

It is true that the best thing I can do for myself and for any hope of reconciliation down the road is to completely go NC, correct?

 

No matter how long it will take for her to reach out (if at all), I should be NC and let her go right now? And hope that she will contact me at some point down the road?

Edited August 24, 2019 by BlueV12

[assertives]

Thank you for your candid reply. After reading your post and thinking about my behavior, you're absolutely right. If I was her, I would probably have felt the same and reacted the same way.

 

I made so many mistakes, I get it. I have learned my lesson and I know in my heart I won't make the same things if I ever get back into a

relationship with her or someone else.

 

I have truly gone NC now, and I plan to stick with it, no matter what happens.

 

Do you think this relationship is over for good? Do you see any chance at all down the road for a reconciliation?

 

We had the same argument, where she kept reiterating how I lied to her the whole time since we met in the beginning. And some things just cannot be fixed. She told me to go live my own life and that she is trying to start a new chapter of her life. I kept saying I miss her and I love her, but she said I shouldn't have lied to her if I knew how much this was going to hurt.

 

Honestly, she sounds done, especially that comment about somethings just cannot be fixed. Even if you guys ever get back together, it's not something she's able to let go and it's likely you guys will break up again down the road.

[elaine567]

It is true that the best thing I can do for myself and for any hope of reconciliation down the road is to completely go NC, correct?

 

NC is NOT designed to get your ex back, NC is designed to make the transition into singleness better for you. Out of sight, out of mind, you learn to live without her and then you move on.

 

V has been lied to, made a fool of and now she doesn't trust you one inch.

Her "happy memories" have been ruined...

She knows your parents will never accept her, I guess she is now aware of your "controlling" ways too, so why would she want to reenter this messy situation. She doesn't now believe a word you say.

Trust is gone.

She is done.

She is right, this cannot be fixed.

Best thing you can do is leave her alone.

 

Move on and learn to treat your next gf better. We rarely get second chances in relationships, once finished they are finished, so it is best to get it right the first time.

Onwards and upwards...

[BlueV12]

NC is NOT designed to get your ex back, NC is designed to make the transition into singleness better for you. Out of sight, out of mind, you learn to live without her and then you move on.

 

V has been lied to, made a fool of and now she doesn't trust you one inch.

Her "happy memories" have been ruined...

She knows your parents will never accept her, I guess she is now aware of your "controlling" ways too, so why would she want to reenter this messy situation. She doesn't now believe a word you say.

Trust is gone.

She is done.

She is right, this cannot be fixed.

Best thing you can do is leave her alone.

 

Move on and learn to treat your next gf better. We rarely get second chances in relationships, once finished they are finished, so it is best to get it right the first time.

Onwards and upwards...

 

Yeah you're right. I'm leaving her alone.

 

This was my first ever "real" relationship where I was in love with a woman.

I was clueless I guess.

 

I probably won't find anyone anymore, at least I don't feel like I can.

 

I'll try my best to forget her, however much hard it is.

[elaine567]

I probably won't find anyone anymore, at least I don't feel like I can.

 

Yes you will.

Everyone thinks like that, then one day we meet "the next one" and we find love and happiness again.

It must have been tough on you living that lie, next time you will not have that burden, so I guess your next relationship will be even better...

[The Outlaw]

Yeah you're right. I'm leaving her alone.

 

This was my first ever "real" relationship where I was in love with a woman.

I was clueless I guess.

 

I probably won't find anyone anymore, at least I don't feel like I can.

 

I'll try my best to forget her, however much hard it is.

 

That's all you can do at this point, as it just doesn't do any good to hold onto past heartbreak. Trust me, I learned that the hard way myself, and ultimately, it was for the best. Focus on yourself, and forget her and your parents.

[BlueV12]

How long does the heartbreak pain last? Is it weeks, months, years? Right now it doesn't ever feel like it will heal.

[Marc878]

When you chase/contact they always move farther away. All that does is lower your status and make you look unnattractive.

 

Live and learn.

 

There is no one and only soulmate. There are many who could fit that bill.

 

Use this time to become independent (an attractive trait to have) or do a repeat

[BlueV12]

I know I should stay away from her altogether.

 

Like I noted previously, she blocked me on Instagram.

 

I just checked her profile on a browser, and she has basically deleted all of our pictures together, leaving only one picture up.

 

I guess it is safe to say it is truly over.

[BlueV12]

Her birthday is tomorrow.

 

It is going to be hard to just ignore it, but I must I suppose.

[healing light]

Yes, it sucks, but you must ignore it. Any contact from you at this point will be unwelcome and will push her further away.

[d0nnivain]

How are you doing with her birthday? You need to keep yourself busy.

[BlueV12]

How are you doing with her birthday? You need to keep yourself busy.

 

It's hard. I keep wanting to send her happy birthday or something but I won't.

 

She uses Whatsapp to text with me only. Or used too.

 

She hasn't opened Whatsapp since that last text I sent her 1.5 week ago. Meaning she probably doesn't even think about me.

 

I'm so busy with schoolwork that it has allowed to cope with my misery as I don't have a lot of time to dwell so much on her.

 

But the pain of it is still so acute, especially in the mornings and nights.

[preraph]

Glad you are out on your own and hopefully will stop letting your parents run your life. Make your own money.

 

But if you don't stop being controlling, you're still never going to be able to hang onto a woman. Don't EVER tell a woman what to wear! She isn't on earth just to be your eye candy. She wears what she feels expresses who she is. So if you don't like how she dresses and is, don't date her and go to the next one. It's so insulting. It's fine to compliment when they're dressed nice and you like that outfit, but it's never fine to say you don't. I mean, how would you like it?

 

And also, if you're not a very dapper dresser, you got no business critiquing anyone else's anyway.

[BlueV12]

Glad you are out on your own and hopefully will stop letting your parents run your life. Make your own money.

 

But if you don't stop being controlling, you're still never going to be able to hang onto a woman. Don't EVER tell a woman what to wear! She isn't on earth just to be your eye candy. She wears what she feels expresses who she is. So if you don't like how she dresses and is, don't date her and go to the next one. It's so insulting. It's fine to compliment when they're dressed nice and you like that outfit, but it's never fine to say you don't. I mean, how would you like it?

 

And also, if you're not a very dapper dresser, you got no business critiquing anyone else's anyway.

 

Thank you. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking, I was such a douchebag. I would have been enraged if I was in her shoes, now that I think about it.

Needless to say, IF I ever get into another relationship, whether back with her or with someone else, I will never do that again.

[preraph]

Well, then it wasn't all for nothing if you gained some insight and maturity from it. Good luck in the future. And do look toward the future. This is over.

[Ruby Slippers]

Wait. So your parents aren't paying for anything? And you still let them have this power over you? At 31? Dude. You've got bigger problems than. A lost GF. Grow the F up. Then maybe V or some other woman will give you a chance.

This is exactly what I was going to say... albeit a bit softer!

 

You're 31 years old and operating like a teenager with your parents. Any decent woman wants a strong, independent man, not one under his parents' thumb into adulthood, which begins at 18.

 

Don't let anyone control you with money. It's pathetic - sorry, being honest. Work hard, be smart, and you can make your own money.

[Fekenaws]

Posts like these make me feel thankful that I get along so well with my parents (even though I'm salivating at the thought of finally moving out next year). That being said, this is my opinion.

 

"I begged and pleaded and apologized and promised to change. I tried everything." <- This is the absolute worst possible thing you can do. Sorry! Now you know better in the future. The only real chance you have at getting an ex back is by digging your heels in, telling them you disagree with the breakup and that they can reach out if they change their mind, and go no contact and continue living life.

 

Still, bear in mind that even if you do the above, there is a SLIM chance you and your ex will get back together. Breaking up is a difficult decision to come to on the dumper's side. They are, basically, declaring that despite all the good memories you have together, they would be happier without you in their lives going forward. It is a complete and total loss of attraction, and 9 times out of 10 its unfixable.

 

What you should do is learn from this situation. Use it help you navigate future waters with future partners. Give yourself time to grieve and start pulling your independence and life together. Good Luck mate.

Edited September 3, 2019 by Fekenaws

[BlueV12]

It was been pretty good the last few days. I have been so busy with schoolwork that I haven't had much time to dwell over her or breakup.

For some reason though, today it hurts so much. I don't know why. It just comes out of the blue sometimes. I'm just sitting in the library right now and should be studying but I keep feeling that awful pain.