Anette Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 How do you manage to stay happy in a relationship when you know your boyfriend finds other women attractive/beautiful? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 How do you manage to stay happy in a relationship when you know your boyfriend finds other women attractive/beautiful? Well I would hope so! otherwise you might not be with a heterosexual man. But I can see you're struggling with this. I would just suggest considering: even though he finds maybe lots of women attractive, he chose you. And keeps choosing you. And that's an awesome thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 How do you manage to stay happy in a relationship when you know your boyfriend finds other women attractive/beautiful? Every man finds other women attractive. Women find other men attractive. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever, it's just a fact of life. There is only an issue if there are actions to go with these thoughts. If not what is the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Isn’t it normal? I love my boyfriend but I still find other man attractive, and vice versa. He’ll play it down (not to hurt my feelings I guess) but when we see a stunning woman I’m like « Did you see her? She was sooooo hot and beautiful ». Finding someone attractive doesn’t mean the other is going to cheat. I’d be worried of he didn’t find other women beautiful, because that might mean he’s blind 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 How do you manage to stay happy in a relationship when you know your boyfriend finds other women attractive/beautiful? Depends on how he is "appreciating" these other women. Everyone can find members of the opposite sex attractive, but most will not rub their partner's nose in it. If he is deliberately trying to make you feel "less than" or he is going out of his way to lust after other women in your presence, or is actively flirting with every "hot" woman he meets, then time to say "adios". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Of course he finds other women attractive. Question is: is it an issue because he's inappropriate? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 What matters is not that he finds them attractive but that he respects you in the process and doesn't rub it in your face. If so, that's cruel and he's an ass. Also, whether he does anything else about it like flirt. That would be a dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I want to downplay the "of course" and "it means he's straight" comments a tiny bit, because no, people have varying degrees of attraction and sex drive and yes, some straight men have such limited sexuality that they can't register anything but their partner... BUT that kind of personality is less common. Most people will notice other pretty people. It doesn't mean they love their partners any less! You can notice that someone is physically attractive without being in love with them or wanting to be with them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Is he doing something that upsets you, such as blatantly oogling them right in front of you? If so, perhaps a calm discussion with explanation that it genuinely upsets you, please don't stare in front of you, etc is in order... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Is he doing something that upsets you, such as blatantly oogling them right in front of you? If so, perhaps a calm discussion with explanation that it genuinely upsets you, please don't stare in front of you, etc is in order... OK but why is it so seemingly acceptable for men to be ogling other women, that they need to be told by gfs and other women that it is rude, upsetting and bad manners. Most women ogle other men, but know to keep it subtle and not upset their men folk, but men don't seem to care... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 OK but why is it so seemingly acceptable for men to be ogling other women, that they need to be told by gfs and other women that it is rude, upsetting and bad manners. Most women ogle other men, but know to keep it subtle and not upset their men folk, but men don't seem to care... I’ve noticed plenty of good looking women before and the only people I’ve seen ogling are single guys or at least not around their SO. Even then it wasn’t really that noticeable. This seems like stereotyping. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 OK but why is it so seemingly acceptable for men to be ogling other women, that they need to be told by gfs and other women that it is rude, upsetting and bad manners. Most women ogle other men, but know to keep it subtle and not upset their men folk, but men don't seem to care... Im not so sure that its considered "acceptable"..... But let me say this... You cant go anywhere around here without seeing attractive women with great bodies that deliberately dress in such a way that any man that is capable of fogging a mirror would almost have to give a look....Its nearly impossible really not to stop and take notice...And make no mistake...They do it purposely for the most part... Guys generally don't do this(dress in such a way to deliberately "display their wares"-so to speak).....Id imagine if any guy with a great body walked around with a cut up shirt showing ripped and muscular physique women would react far worse and more bold than men do.... Often its as simple as that.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anette Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share Posted August 16, 2019 Thank you, made me feel better after all the "obviously!" comments Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 OK but why is it so seemingly acceptable for men to be ogling other women, that they need to be told by gfs and other women that it is rude, upsetting and bad manners. Most women ogle other men, but know to keep it subtle and not upset their men folk, but men don't seem to care... I'm confused. I never said it was acceptable. It's quite rude to your SO to do this. Some men (and some women too) are just rude/inconsiderate in various ways. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I'm confused. I never said it was acceptable. It's quite rude to your SO to do this. Yes but you put the onus on the OP to have a "calm discussion" with the bf to sort out his bad behaviour. Should he not be aware anyway is my point? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Ah. Yes he should be aware. However, the discussion should be calm to avoid causing unnecessary friction in the relationship. I think sometime men are unconsciously rude or not thinking about the fact that their SO is right there. So, one can do better IMO by addressing it in a way that doesn't cause add'l damage to the relationship while fixing it. If a male had a parallel issue, say with a SO who was a little to into their favorite celebrity crush or similar, I'd also suggest (or at least intend) that they address it calmly - so as not to cause unnecessary friction over something that's ultimately probably not that big a deal. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Im not so sure that its considered "acceptable"..... But let me say this... You cant go anywhere around here without seeing attractive women with great bodies that deliberately dress in such a way that any man that is capable of fogging a mirror would almost have to give a look....Its nearly impossible really not to stop and take notice...And make no mistake...They do it purposely for the most part... Guys generally don't do this(dress in such a way to deliberately "display their wares"-so to speak).....Id imagine if any guy with a great body walked around with a cut up shirt showing ripped and muscular physique women would react far worse and more bold than men do.... Often its as simple as that.. TFY My feeling is not really, because women are not looking at men's bodies as their priority like men look at women's bodies because that's usually their favorite part. Women are looking at men's height, face and hair more than anything, I think, and probably wouldn't ogle a guy with his shirt off if all his other bits weren't handsome. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Elaine, over the years, the ones I've seen do it right in front of their women or even just be blatant in front of mixed company are just gross guys, and usually loud ones, who like to put women down in general. They just disrespect women. And oddly, for some reason, they seem to think that just because they are ogling a woman makes them a stud. The one that most comes to mind when I think of a guy like this is someone I worked with who was younger than me. He was always a loud "only joking" smart*ss who put everyone down with his "jokes." He got even worse as the years went by because he was an alcoholic who had multiple DUIs. I ended up being his boss at another company by some cruel fate and he did nothing but disrespect me because he never could handle any authority, much less a female boss. I ran into him at the gourmet grocery store a couple years later and he was just standing in the middle of the aisle blocking the way so he could stare at a blond coed 20 years his junior and way, way out of his league. He was hovering around her hoping to find a way to start talking to her. They get worse with age, not better. Now, I'm not applying that to all guys. A lot of them are going to discreetly look, and that's human. I worked with an ex-bf at headquarters attached to a warehouse for some years. He wasn't normally a swivle-head to the degree it was rude, but one day I was headed to the warehouse and I found him literally swinging from the door frame like a monkey, so I cracked the other door from another direction to see what was up, and there was some woman vendor out there walking around. He was literally swinging from the rafters looking at her. So I snuck up on him and he turned so red. I reminded him of it just a couple years ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 My feeling is not really, because women are not looking at men's bodies as their priority like men look at women's bodies because that's usually their favorite part. Women are looking at men's height, face and hair more than anything, I think, and probably wouldn't ogle a guy with his shirt off if all his other bits weren't handsome. Um, I usually look at body first and then my eyes go up to the face. If the face looks good also then it's like Ahhhhhhh.:laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 My feeling is not really, because women are not looking at men's bodies as their priority like men look at women's bodies because that's usually their favorite part. Women are looking at men's height, face and hair more than anything, I think, and probably wouldn't ogle a guy with his shirt off if all his other bits weren't handsome. Eh, maybe....my experiences don't necessarily concur.... I think we can all agree to some extent that most women are wired to "show themselves off'...That's why they spend billions of dollars each year doing so...If they have a nice ass, they find any garment that makes that part of them noticed...Same for breasts....They may not like it when guys are checking out their tits, yet are walking around with tight v neck tops...I mean, what do they expect?? At the end of the day, its all about how you do it....Smart guys are cagey about it, and you wouldn't ever notice what they are doing...Others make idiots of themselves by being so overt about it... I can certainly understand why it would be upsetting to a woman if her man is checking out other women in front of them...Its rude.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Eh, maybe....my experiences don't necessarily concur.... I think we can all agree to some extent that most women are wired to "show themselves off'...That's why they spend billions of dollars each year doing so...If they have a nice ass, they find any garment that makes that part of them noticed...Same for breasts....They may not like it when guys are checking out their tits, yet are walking around with tight v neck tops...I mean, what do they expect?? At the end of the day, its all about how you do it....Smart guys are cagey about it, and you wouldn't ever notice what they are doing...Others make idiots of themselves by being so overt about it... I can certainly understand why it would be upsetting to a woman if her man is checking out other women in front of them...Its rude.. TFY I don't know why some Men are foolish with their ogling. I am not that way. I keep everything close to the vest. I don't say anything idiotic about breast etc. I always want to come off as elegant/chill. On the other hand, there is always going to be some social separation between women and men socially when they go out together. My buddy told me that he still notices good looking women. When we are with his wife. He would never share those thoughts with her. He is not that type to make crass remarks verbally anyways. The sexes in this era are so divided on etiquette. If your too goody two shoes. You are labelled weak. If your too crass your an ass and your out. I was with a woman once sexually and she wanted me to talk dirty. I thought it was foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
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