Confusedwoman81 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 (edited) I’m curious how long to affairs typically last? And what is considered long term? Does the length of time affect the title of the OW is given? Edited August 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I imagine it's the same as any other relationship long as your happy there is no end date. as far as a title, Girlfriend seems to fit If it enters a term longer than..lets say a couple months Link to post Share on other sites
Swingen Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Affairs tend to have a limited shelf life because they can't move forward the way a usual relationship would (ie one between two single people). They also have the pressure they they are illicit so often, the longer an affair continues the greater the likelihood of discovery to one or both parties. Either the risk of or actually being caught will terminate it. The OW is slightly different because only one person is cheating. A rough rule of thumb for an affair is 18 months to 3 years although you do hear of ones lasting years... Remember a married man having an affair with a single woman, aside from cheating on his wife, is effectively stealing time and life from her. Life and time that could be spent with someone single and a future long term partner. He will keep this affair going as long as possible, while she wastes her life on him. If he keeps her financially then arguably she is a mistress and she does get something from him. In terms of titles... lover, girlfriend, mistress... they don't really matter because an affair is 'unofficial'. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising8 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 How long do affairs last? As long as the OW deludes herself into believing their love is real, meant to be, once in a lifetime and all that other malarkey that is based on hormones and fantasy. While OW believes the lies and ignores the deception both are complicit in, all is well. As soon as OW starts to behave like the BS (making demands, wanting more) MM pulls back. What the OW is called is irrelevant. It all boils down to the same: there is lying, cheating, deception, hormone overload and fantasy that masks truth and integrity. It invariably ends in a world of hurt, most likely for OW while MM goes back to his life unscathed (unless there is a D-day). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Not everyone believes or even wants to be in love with their affair partner. Some people are just self indulgent. They are filling in the blanks with a personality other than or different than their spouse. These affairs may not end at all. Unless or until relocation, age, health, or discovery intrude they continue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I don't think there's a known set length. Affairs are hard to study effectively because they are kept secret! Measuring the length of an affair is also more complicated these days with the concept of "emotional infidelity" in circulation. Yes, EAs can definitely be a real thing, but some people are very vague about when they apply the label. At least when people have sex you have a clear event. If two work colleagues have been close for months and finally kiss, is that the beginning of an affair or is it months into it? I suspect it's easier for them to go on a long, long time if the cover is good and both parties are happy with the arrangement. If you have two people who only have sex on the twice-a-year work retreats and don't want anything more than that, they're unlikely to be caught and unlikely to blow up in drama, so they can continue with no problems for years and years. As for titles, since there's no official status or definition unless you're in a situation where someone has a Kept Woman, the title is whatever someone yells angrily. Modern affair-related discussion groups are just going to call her an AP anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I’m curious how long to affairs typically last? And what is considered long term? EMRs last as long as the parties in the R want it to last - or, until a D-day happens and a shut-down is forced on it. That depends on many things - like, how careful the APs are, or if anyone feels sympathetic enough towards the BS to inform them. Every situation is different. “Long term” likewise depends on the nature of the R. If the WS is a “repeat offender” who is fond of ONS, then seeng the same OW for even a couple of weeks could be “long term”. But there are EMRs discussed on these boards running for 10, 15 years or more, surviving dozens of D-days. There was a post somewhere on these boards that worked out the average length of EMR discussed in these forums that had gone on to become a FTR / a marriage, the EMR part of the R was about 3-3.5 years or so (don’t recall exactly). Of course there are outliers, and some WS will leave the BS sooner and some a lot later, to be with the AP. Many - possibly most (it’s impossible to say, as there are no proper stats) - WS don’t leave the BS for the AP though, so the EMR is probably more likely to end through a D-Day or one of the APs pulling the plug. Link to post Share on other sites
abandoned2018 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 How long do affairs last? As long as the OW deludes herself into believing their love is real, meant to be, once in a lifetime and all that other malarkey that is based on hormones and fantasy. While OW believes the lies and ignores the deception both are complicit in, all is well. As soon as OW starts to behave like the BS (making demands, wanting more) MM pulls back. What the OW is called is irrelevant. It all boils down to the same: there is lying, cheating, deception, hormone overload and fantasy that masks truth and integrity. It invariably ends in a world of hurt, most likely for OW while MM goes back to his life unscathed (unless there is a D-day). yes... very true... every word... Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 8 yrs.. Our affair lasted 8 years. We have now left our marriages to be together. We had a time line and a plan from 1.5 yrs in, we knew it was a long road to where we wanted to be. It was not one sided, or for the children alone we stayed, it was many factors Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 how long do affairs last? Well, usually or, at least more times than not, until one pushes for the other to leave their spouse. Then the MM or MW tends to start to fade. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Most affairs end after 1 year. Affairs last an average of 2 years. Affairs can be a ONS or last for many years. Affairs can be continuous or go on and off for many years. Why did you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Where are you getting any of those numbers from? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedwoman81 Posted August 18, 2019 Author Share Posted August 18, 2019 Most affairs end after 1 year. Affairs last an average of 2 years. Affairs can be a ONS or last for many years. Affairs can be continuous or go on and off for many years. Why did you ask? I am currently the OW to a MM coworker. The affair has been going for 10 years. Do to health issues and financial stress, there has been months of no sex. But he never goes more than 2 days without seeing me. And calls me every day.It started when I was in my early 20’s. My AP is 14 years older than me. And has been married for 18 years. I’m single. Even though he insists I’m not and calls me wife and refers to himself as my husband. I don’t, and honestly it makes me uncomfortable. My father was a serial cheater. Who never had intentions of leaving my mother. So I know affairs aren’t about love. So I don’t understand why he does theses things. He recently started referring to me using his last name. I never ask him how he feels about me. Those stretches of no sex shifted my feelings away from sexual attraction and desire. I started to value the friendship more.I want to stop the affair but want to stay friends. Like we are doing the times of no sex. But he told me he can’t just be friends with me. I guess I’m hoping the affair will run its course and I can keep the friendship. Even though he is a cheater. He is the type of man to give you the shirt off his back. A male coworker was trying to buy a home and he helped him out with a $15,000 loan on the down payment. I think the fact I was young and inexperienced when I got involved with him. It’s like he’s my safety net. I need to gather my strength and end it. But I don’t want to have him completely out of my life. It may be delusional but that’s were my mind is right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Why bother getting married if you know deep down inside that you can't stay faithful. I got involved with a married woman. It was not a sexual affair, but she caught me in her Spider Web and it took about 5 months to get out of it. It was a very confusing time for me. It was basically just her telling me that she wanted me and nonsense. She has divorced her Hubby. She did the same thing with another guy after me. I just wish life was like this. We all basically get our desires met. If you want to be alone then your alone. If you want a romantic relationship. There is one there for you and it runs well with effort. There is no need to have an affair. If your not happy. Take one year to fix it or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Op, wow. Some of this is all too familiar with me. Almost exactly with length, ages of you two. You have no interest in your own family? You are in your 30’s now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedwoman81 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 Op, wow. Some of this is all too familiar with me. Almost exactly with length, ages of you two. You have no interest in your own family? You are in your 30’s now? I decided long ago I didn’t want children. This was before the affair started. Even if I did. It’s impossible now. With in the last 4 years both my parents have become wheelchair bound and I am responsible for their care in and out of the hospital.They don’t live with me yet but will be happening in the next few months. Thus I can’t have a family of my own. The monopolize all my time. Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 @confused. If you didn’t want a family, I can respect that. But you don’t need to use excuses. I’m very truly sorry about your parents , but that’s not a reason to not have children. If you wanted them, you could still have them in your situation. I wish I had some further advice for you. The A that you are in will not well. Sometimes, you just need to find out on your terms. Wishing you well Link to post Share on other sites
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