foxy418 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I don't know how to help my sister or if I even should... A long time ago I was honest with her by saying a boyfriend of hers said inappropriate things to me and she called me a slut saying I was asking for it .. later she threw me out of her house... We didn't talk for 2 years and since then I got married and had kids so we had become closer but I always tried to keep peace. Since the big fight 10 years ago she started having an affair with a married man.. I think it's so bad but I never talked to hear fearing she will again blame me for anything... And again we will cut contact. Recently his family found out about the affair and he decided to stay with his wife. She was in tears and I was there to support her. He then changed his mind and went back to her and she was happy again like everything was normal. He is unemployed and using her.. but she's blind. We do not support this kind of decision anymore but now that she has him she acts like we are the enemy... She even threw a very hurtful comment at my mom when she told her she's not doing the right thing... my mom was crying so much My sister has also started hoarding and I feel she's not doing the best mentally... But we just cannot help her or at least don't know how.. I cannot be fully happy knowing my sister is in such a situation and is really ruining her life. She makes awful decisions all the time. I try to give her all the Selfhelp things know... But it's useless.. I feel if she had to pick between her family and the man shed pick him... Even then I wouldn't be resentful because I care for her.. What do u do with a family member like this.. do u support their behavior...,,? Turn a blind eye? Or is distance better and hope they realize what family really is...? Any ideas... Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I have a younger sister who ruins everything she touches. I raised her, and I could have done a better job. I feel responsible for how she acts, but she is an adult now and I can't control her or keep protecting her from herself. I'm slowly learning to let go. It can really rip you up inside. My sister is now dating my awful ex-gf. Won't hold a job, is gradually ruining her partner's life, and keeps trying to come back to mooch off me. At some point, you start to accept that even though you love your sister, she won't change and changing her isn't in your power (and not your problem.) It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 The whole family and anyone who cared about her would have to try an intervention, but it might not work. You'd want to get her in therapy. The hoarding thing is very worrisome and sign of a big problem. Why would her man let her do that, I wonder? If it ever gets to bad that it's a bad environment, unhealthy, dangerous, for any children she might have, you could call CPS, but she'd never forgive you if she found out. And you didn't mention children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxy418 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 The hoarding isn't as bad as on tv.. her house isn't too dirty but she has sooo much stuff... More then my family of 5. She just buys and buys and has 10 of each item. She doesn't have any kids. It's her living alone. The guy didnt care coz he lived with his wife... I'm not sure if he will move in with her now but he's not clean from.what I know so it won't help. I'm worried that in 10 years things will get worse and worse... Intervention will be useless because she will cut us out of her life I am sure. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 It may just be because of the kids and so many she won't get rid of anything. Remind her that her donations to less fortunate families would be very much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 A prophet is never honored in their own family. You can preach to her until the cows come home and not move her an inch. If a stranger would say the same thing she might react like it was some marvelous revelation. Do not try to change her life unless there is maiming or death involved. The only thing that brings them out of it is the pain of hitting the wall and having to live the consequences and even that many times won't save them. I'm sorry but you may have stand by while the train wreck is happening. Link to post Share on other sites
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