DaddyDom Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Past three wks (7/29-8/18) I will have seen my GF 3/21 days. Next wk she has an event she's running Sun. So she'll be working late nights Mon-Thurs to prep. On Fri/Sat we're doing a large group thing w/her friends on houseboats. Then Sun she has the event. That's basically a month + w/no sex. LOL So a long Labor Day weekend away/alone Fri-Mon would make sense to make up for lost time. She told me yesterday she's planning another friend group get together all Labor Day weekend and wanted me to basically tag along. When I called her out on not prioritizing us, she accused me of being controlling. But I honestly believe my reaction is justified. Especially when we've barely seen each other lately and we're already seeing the same friends the weekend prior. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Well you could have been a little nicer and ask her when you two could have some quality time together...then tell her how much you miss her. But you were accusing her of being neglectful of your relationship, so I can see she how she would get defensive. This is her lifestyle...she's social, and likes to arrange events because it's her passion. Since you don't share her passion, you are incompatible. Just me but I wouldn't date someone that had this kind of busy schedule. I dated a guy that was so busy with sports, and crap, I dumped him after 3 weeks. Tho I really liked him, and was attracted to him, he wasn't a good fit for my expectations as a BF. This is why I tell people to stop struggling and just move on. They are the way they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 As it always been like this or it's just lately? Sounds her social life is more important. I also would not date someone that isn't done running around entire wekeends with friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 You can't make people want to see and spend time with you, they either do or they don't. Trying to force the issue got the expected response, "Stop trying to tell me what to do" She is busy, she is not prioritising you. I guess she is not missing the sex or your presence really, else she would be making more of an effort... Unless this is a busy seasonal thing and she will have loads of free time soon, then as Smackie says, you are basically incompatible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 If you're not comfortable with her schedule ... if she cannot reassure you and stay connected to you (perhaps by short texts) during her busy time ... if you don't see this busyness as temporary ... then pull back. You're into her most likely more than she's into you ... You're not feeling valued. You can't really do an ultimatum there. Let go and move on. Look, super-busy people can still connect when they want to. In the meantime, get into some activities that you REALLY enjoy. Hobbies, hanging out with friends--get going. Not the time to be waiting around on her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaddyDom Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share Posted August 16, 2019 I actually fully support her career. Also, I've always been very supportive of her seeing her friends. However there should be balance and you make up for lost time when opportunities arise. Now if she hadn't seen these people in awhile, I'd be all for it. Or if we were seeing each other regularly I wouldn't care. But we're literally spending all weekend with them the week prior and we've been hardly seeing each other. So a good balance/compromise would be the weekend with her friends, and then long Labor Day weekend for us to be alone and make up for lost time. But I feel like she's creating more and more distance w/her actions. So I feel like the relationship is winding down. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I am sensing an age gap? How long have you been dating? Indeed sounds like she is distancing herself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I actually fully support her career. Also, I've always been very supportive of her seeing her friends. However there should be balance and you make up for lost time when opportunities arise. Now if she hadn't seen these people in awhile, I'd be all for it. Or if we were seeing each other regularly I wouldn't care. But we're literally spending all weekend with them the week prior and we've been hardly seeing each other. So a good balance/compromise would be the weekend with her friends, and then long Labor Day weekend for us to be alone and make up for lost time. But I feel like she's creating more and more distance w/her actions. So I feel like the relationship is winding down. I think you're wise to think things are winding down. Any time someone is creating more distance and not prioritizing seeing you, red flag of disinterest or loss of interest. Available and interested people make themselves available and if they absolutely cannot be available, they tell you why and keep you informed and tell you how much they are looking forward to seeing you. You guys aren't seeing each much (which sometimes happens). But the real problem is you're not really connecting. People can connect even when they're busy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 P When I called her out on not prioritizing us, she accused me of being controlling. Huge red flag. Be prepared to abandon ship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JEG88 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Also, I don't think she would get that defensive if she cared for you as much as you do for her. I get that you could have been more subtle/sensitive about it, sure. But still, if there's a certain maturity and mutual interest, I feel she would have reacted differently. And I agree, doesn't sound like she is willing to re-prioritize her life to make you #1. Recognize your self-worth and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I am sensing an age gap? How long have you been dating? Indeed sounds like she is distancing herself. Same here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 When I called her out on not prioritizing us, she accused me of being controlling. But I honestly believe my reaction is justified. Instead of telling her that you miss her and would like to see her more often, you "called her out on not prioritising us". So, yeah, I can see why this went pearshaped. You'll get a lot futher if you talk about how you'd like things to look than criticise how they are doing things. Your thoughts are justified. Your reaction was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderlust2018 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I wouldn’t be cool with this either. Does she want a relationship with you...or her friends? Look, I get that it’s not an all or non proposition. There should be time apart, time together alone and time with friends and/or family....it’s all a balance, but this just seems excessive to me on her part. She isn’t prioritizing you, for whatever reason. I dated a gal some years ago, reminded me a lot of your situation. It was a red flag for me and I moved on. We remained friends on FB and she got married about a year ago; I don’t think it lasted a year. Right after, I see she’s back to every weekend with friends...bars...concerts...yada yada which doesn’t surprise me. My point is, she, like your gal, is in a relationship with her friends and social life. I doubted that would ever change and it really didn’t. No thanks. I really don’t see anything wrong with your concerns and her response speaks volumes. Give a woman an inch, and they’ll take a mile. I’d be firm, really firm, pull away and if she didn’t get the hint, next her. I mean seriously, no intimacy in a month or so? What exactly are you waiting around for my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaddyDom Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 I wouldn’t be cool with this either. Does she want a relationship with you...or her friends? Exactly my thoughts. I think friends and your own life are both important when in a relationship with someone. It's important to keep your sense of self. But there is a balance and your sig other should be your main priority. If you hold your friends in such high esteem that you see no difference between them and your sig other, that's an issue IMO. We broke up today and while I am saddened by it, I know deep down it was the right thing to do. I think she was withdrawing on a subconscious level with her actions and was in denial. - For the past month took her 12-24hrs to respond to a simple text - Was spending more and more time with friends - Was far too OK with us hardly seeing each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaddyDom Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 Isn't it crazy how one minute you're in love with "the one" and then it is just over? However I've always believed in paying attention to actions over words. Now of course she acted like we were fine. But over the past month, we only saw each other three days, text response times were 12-36hrs, etc.. The tell/tale for me though was this. We were going to spend all of next weekend with her friends on houseboats. So for Labor Day weekend I was planning a romantic getaway to make up for lost time. Yet she told me that she had already started planning a group trip for the four days. But she wanted me to tag along. So it was clear she was fine with our low frequency and that she prioritized her friends over me. **If we were seeing each other regularly I wouldn't care. Or if she hadn't seen these friends in awhile I'd understand it. But we were hardly seeing each other and we were spending all next weekend with them. So she needed another four days a week later? It's all about actions over words which is why I broke up with her today. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderlust2018 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 It’s probably for the best, from what you’ve described. Don’t beat yourself up for calling her on it; you did nothing wrong. The whole delayed response to texts you mentioned, just seems gamey and low interest to me. I’m no time management expert, and I’ve got a TON going on, both professionally and personally, yet, I’ll find and make time for a woman I’m interested in. I think reciprocity is paramount. My philosophy has ALWAYS been that if a woman isn’t willing to demonstrate effort right out of the gate, why should I think or expect it’ll be any better or different down the road? It’s like a sign my grandfather had in his dive bar...”Everyone brings joy to this place...some by coming and others by going.” Link to post Share on other sites
zivo Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Why not follow your username? Seems like you need to be more dominant in this relationship and assert it. Tell her straight up that shes spending too much time with other people and not putting you higher up. Tell her how you feel and tell her you won't be having it for much longer. It seems like you are too accepting of her behavior and shes taking advantage of it. No other way to fix this but to tell her how you feel straight up. Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Doesn't sound unexpected. Seems like she's been checking out for the past month or so, and you've caught it. Did you talk to her about her detaching before going straight to breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 On Fri/Sat we're doing a large group thing w/her friends on houseboats. Then Sun she has the event. That's basically a month + w/no sex. LOL Why can’t you have sex on a houseboat? Your username suggests you want someone submissive? She certainly doesn’t sound like your type. Well it seems you have split up so I guess case closed? Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Why not follow your username? Seems like you need to be more dominant in this relationship and assert it. Tell her straight up that shes spending too much time with other people and not putting you higher up. Tell her how you feel and tell her you won't be having it for much longer. It seems like you are too accepting of her behavior and shes taking advantage of it. No other way to fix this but to tell her how you feel straight up. This is absolutely the wrong way to go about trying to solve relationship problems. Your partner is not a child. If you have to put your foot down, your relationship is already on it's way out. Acting like a strict parent will make them lose respect for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaddyDom Posted August 18, 2019 Author Share Posted August 18, 2019 Why not follow your username? Seems like you need to be more dominant in this relationship and assert it. Tell her straight up that shes spending too much time with other people and not putting you higher up. Tell her how you feel and tell her you won't be having it for much longer. It seems like you are too accepting of her behavior and shes taking advantage of it. No other way to fix this but to tell her how you feel straight up. I guess you missed the part where I said I broke up with her yesterday? LOL Overall the relationship was very good. But for the last month I could feel a shift and I ended it. We ultimately want different things and weren't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
zivo Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 So how did it unravel? You told her that you wanted her to put you higher up on her priority list and she simply said no? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 You just did the inevitable. Perfect timing. Now block go dark and move on. Anything else will be a waste of your time Link to post Share on other sites
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