OCTOBER IS GET RID OF mm MONTH FOR GOOD

[lynnered]

True ,

i dont miss him so much since he left & went back &has been an a**h*** lately ,but like when he trys to get in touch i get weak .

Knowing he had his chance to get out but has done nothing but went back .

I love & worry about him,but dont like him much ,doesnt make sense ?

I know its attachment ,addiction,low self esteem at this point

I still hope he will get it together but will not WAIT,& im scared & pretty sure when i feel better i wont want him anymore & for some sick sick reason that scares me .

I am not me or in a good place mentally i know ,but what part of NC didnt he understand !!!i was clear !!

I questioned him ,U said U treat me bad ,but yet U do nothing?he says i cant right now,i said get in touch when U can ?

Was i clear my freind (who does not know he is M)says he doesnt believe U cause all the other times ,I believe this i am accountable Im just not sure if i should tell him again ?or hope he gets the hint?

He wasnt considerate of me when i didnt hear from him for 5 days then didnt hear from him for almost 3 weeks?

I owe him nothing .

But i cant help those feeling ,(just yet:D )but i can controll what i do next .

[magda]

NO CONTACT

 

Settle all critical business before you begin no-contact. This means business only... no personal exchanges.

 

 

1. To keep my sanity and end this relationship, I must maintain NO CONTACT.

 

2. No contact includes every single form of contact with him/her..

 

2a. This also includes...do NOT ask friends/family about him/her and do NOT let friends/family tell you about him/her.

 

3. I will not email him/her.

 

4. I will not call him/her.

 

5. I will not send him/her letters, cards for any occasion or notes of any kind.

 

6. I will not text message, two way, fax or page him/her.

 

NO CONTACT MEANS - NO CONTACT

 

7. If he/she calls me, I will not answer the phone.

 

8. If he/she leaves a voice mail or answering machine messages, I will delete it without listening to it. (Anything he/she says is done to draw me back into his/her web of insanity.)

 

9. If he/she emails me, I will delete the message without reading it or answering it.

 

 

10. If he/she mails me a card, letter or note of any kind, I will throw it into the garbage can without opening it or reading it.

 

11. If he/she two-ways me, text messages or pages me, I will delete the message or the phone number and not listen to the message or return his/her call.

 

12. If I am ever tempted to do anything listed from 1-11, I will get to this board immediately and talk about it.

 

OR replace a hopeful reunion fantasy with a Clear Memory of a time that he/she insulted me, left me, manipulated me, belittled me, made me cry, used my children, friends or family to demean me, embarassed me in front of co-workers, family or friends or used sex or love as a way to intentionally hurt me.

 

13. If I feel like I am about to reach for the phone to call him/her, write, email, page, fax or text message him/her, I will count to ten and clealy ask myself silently, why am I doing this?

 

14. If friends and family are not supportive of my efforts to remove myself from this relationship, I will not discuss my personal life with them and will ask them sternly not to offer their opinions. My decisions about this are my own. This is My Battle.

 

15. If I find that the urge to speak to him/her or see him/her has overwhelmed me and I slip off the course, I promise to be kind to myself and patient with the situation.

 

16. I promise to be good to myself, forgive myself and allow myself to move on and not dwell on this for ever.

 

17. I will stop creating chaos in my mind & enviornment.

 

 

18. I will accept reality-The facts.

 

 

19. I will accept others for who they are.

 

 

20. My hands are off others responsibilities: I will tend to my own, focus on me.

 

21. I will refuse to believe any of his/her lies about how wonderful his/her life is now. Basing the truth on the past, I will assume him/her to be lying.

 

22. I will distrust every time he/she has a "change of heart".

 

23. I will journal all my positive and negative feelings.

 

24. I must accept my own responsibility in this relationship.

 

25. I will strive to find what it was that he/she invoked in me that created MY behavior.

 

26. We must love ourselves.

 

27. Take time off before beginning a new relationship.

 

28. Find out what we need in a relationship, and go after that in a person that is worthy and has substance, morals, and ethics.

 

ACCEPT NOTHING LESS FOR YOURSELF!!!

[lynnered]

really good!!

if my printer wasnt broke ,i would print it & keep it on me at all times .

thanks i needed that.

especially

"12. If I am ever tempted to do anything listed from 1-11, I will get to this board immediately and talk about it.

 

OR replace a hopeful reunion fantasy with a Clear Memory of a time that he/she insulted me, left me, manipulated me, belittled me, made me cry, used my children, friends or family to demean me, embarassed me in front of co-workers, family or friends or used sex or love as a way to intentionally hurt me."

[newbby]

im scared & pretty sure when i feel better i wont want him anymore & for some sick sick reason that scares me .

 

yes, a part of you is scared because he has created hope in you that there is a possibility that one day....

this is his manipulation to keep you hanging on

you are scared to let go of that hope because it is this hope that you have been living off of for 4 years

it has become your place of comfort

you need to set up another place of comfort that has nothing to do with anyone else, is totally self dependant

 

I am not me or in a good place mentally i know ,but what part of NC didnt he understand !!!i was clear !!

I questioned him ,U said U treat me bad ,but yet U do nothing?he says i cant right now,i said get in touch when U can ?

Was i clear my freind (who does not know he is M)says he doesnt believe U cause all the other times ,I believe this i am accountable Im just not sure if i should tell him again ?or hope he gets the hint?

 

this is part of the addictive behaviour pattern. you KNOW that he knows the deal. it is also his manipulation, he pretends that that conversation did not exist, he is using his own tried and tested tactics of getting you to continue the a. he will probably get worse before he leaves you alone, because he will be panicking himself. this is the most difficult point. because you are in the weak stage of trying to let go and your fears and whatever sadness that kept you in the a for so long are resurfacing with a huge force. it is like an alcoholic or drug addict trying to recover. the reality seems grim compared with the escape and at first it seems too difficult to deal with until you find a new way of coping. one that is ultimately more healthy for you. it is also when he is at his most persistent and determined. this is the point when most fail, the combination of these two things is a very powerful draw back into the relationship.

it would be better if you could block all of his means of contact so that you do not have to read or listen to his words. he will probably then try to come over and suck you back in face to face. do not answer the door to him. this is the hardest part lynnered. the biggest hurdle. get over this and you will be free to live your life how you want to.

i am going to pm you something now.

[Sami_D]

Lynne, forgive me, because I'm so new here, and you don't know me or my story yet... but Keep Strong. He's trying to get you back buying into the situation that you don't want, and you left.

 

Don't do it. Please. For your own sake. Don't give in. You would be giving in to the OLD regime with him, when you know that's not what you want.

 

Take care of you.

[cherrie498]

magda how great of a list. It is so easy to fall off the "NC wagon"

I am going to be sure to read that list as well as all of my past post any & every time I feel like giving in!

I have felt GREAT the past day or so....I know that just like the depressed days it wont last forever.

I try not to focus on what I dont have or what I feel like I am leaving behind, I am looking forward, setting goals for myself & spending all the time that I use to spend on him on ME!!!

VERY PROUND OF EVERYONE THAT IS STARTING NC!!!

Just think of where we will be 10/1/06

[lynnered]

"yes, a part of you is scared because he has created hope in you that there is a possibility that one day....

this is his manipulation to keep you hanging on

you are scared to let go of that hope because it is this hope that you have been living off of for 4 years

it has become your place of comfort

you need to set up another place of comfort that has nothing to do with anyone else, is totally self dependant"

AND i was self dependant before him & in every other aspect of my life i am ,lately all i think of is him .

Sorry that i did the closure ,it set me back.

Yes & thens hes still IMing:

2:26:17 AM): i hope everything is alright baby

(2:27:32 AM): Do you still want me? I don t think so well talk to ya later i gonna try and get some sleep if i up i write back bye bye

(3:03:59 AM): Wow still not in or you have company? Bye

(3:20:41 AM):i guess you too busy for me have a good night

last night i had a dream ,i was M to someone else & MM was still trying to be in my life ,i just want free ,the only thing that held me too him in the past was he loved me i loved him & i felt bad that he couldnt get out .

i havent responded guys so im still NC!!

im going to do this & do it well

[lynnered]

i thank U for Ur support

it will pass im sure ,i just need to make it sometimes i visulize what i want & right now i dont want anyone else !

i want to work ,make $$ & go back to school ,dont want to be bothered he makes me feel obligated to him why i dont know like im responsible for his well being when has he ever taken care of me ?

and no its not what i want ,i want a normal life

[Sunset]

I have known MM for two years on and off, my situation is different though because I am in fact a MW, he is not married but in a LTR. Please don't berate me I have joined this thread in an attempt to forget this OM and get M back on track.

 

Feelings, things that have happened to me are very similar, I hope I have your support, if not I will stop posting on this thread.

[lynnered]

Yes U have our support !!

We are all in the same boat nobody is going to berate& please dont stop posting!

i will type U more but my computer keeps freezing up!!

be back on later:love:

[newbby]

ok i know it is now the 2nd, but i admit i have been to-ing and fro-ing on this.

i am still in.

i am really really really angry at the moment. it is not because he could not commit to me or anything like that, from where i stand this was not what i wanted. it is because he treats me like dirt. it is all what he wants, everything on his terms and yet he cant even outline his terms, has expected that i am just there and that he can tell me outrageous lies to keep me there and when he is pretty satisfied can just be cold to me.

i dont hate him, because he is alright as a person generally. what i hate is that he doesnt feel that i am entitled to any feelings at all myself, or any needs. acts like the whole thing is nothing. maybe to him it is, but he shouldnt be surprised if its not to me. thats just dumb.

i dont even care and i am being entirely honest, if it is just a friendship, i dont care. i just need to know what it is and he cant even give me that.

a simple answer.

sorry guys, but i am really mad now.

[legrtova]

Well, not willingly, but it just so happened.

It's been 3 weeks and I've been going through all stages at the same time. We too love each other, and that makes it so much harder, but he, too lies and won't leave his wife. He says he is confused and yet he still sneakes behind her back to see me and then lies to her about it.

I know I am so much better without him. I can't wait for the time to come when I can actually forget the good times (we never had any bad times in 9 months) and the 1000 emails he had sent me.

We can all do this, right?

[lynnered]

well guys he is stressing me more messages today

i did give a little response !sorry

but it was funny

(7:50:05 PM): you never turn off im

8:06:04 PM): I not gonna bother you no more i know you have some one else so have fun i leave you alone take care of your self

(8:06:04 PM): You been too busy to talk and who s vehicle was at house? Fun with him i guess have a good life lynne! Better yet don t write back its ok!

(8:16:51 PM): If you don t wanna love me then ill find someone else who will

i typed him back 1 word guys

lynne(9:14:38 PM): stalker

he typed back

9:24:41 PM): Stalker f***you

sorry sorry sorry doesnt count !!!i couldnt resist!!

where i live is 6miles away from a store , it is a really privete area,the only reason he would be up here is to come to someones house i am only 1 he knows up here ,so sat when my friend kidnapped me ,we parked her car in my driveway,i drove mine what did he not understand ??i told him mon& wed ,NC yet he types me!why is he driving by my house?my friend who does not know he is M says he must have done this before &i just wasnt aware WTF

i rarely have company

I think he sounds like he is losing it dont U?

shouldnt have responded but hes acted like i was crazy for getting upset about stuff yet hes acting controlling ,driving by my house i dont like that it scares me ,he said he lost my house key now i need to change that lock cause i worry he might still have it .

sorry for typing guys it doesnt count really it wasnt a conversion,i logged out of IM

[lynnered]

Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of

jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow." - unknown

i love this !!!

i am a quote junky!!

[legrtova]

yeah, I thought it fit here real well...

[TiredOfWaiting]

Wow Lynnered -

 

those IMs are an indication that he is addicted himself.

 

I had a good LOL when I read them, so similar to the kind of text messages my MM would send. Good for you on your one word response, and for not, as I STUPIDLY did (or would still do) say "it's just a friends car", "i havent met anyone else".

 

This must be so hard for you. But WOW you are doing GREAT!!

 

I have been in NC since thurs 29/09. Hasnt been too bad, but now being back at work (he works at the same co, but in a diff building) I was kinda hoping for an email ... hurts that it doesnt come.

 

dont know how to accept that he is now single (still lives with W though), and yet this is the worst our relationship has ever been.

 

Anyway ... be strong!!!

[foolinlove]

Well....day 3 and its not getting any easier...urrrrhhhh

 

MM called me on the morning of Day 1, like he hadn't been told for 2 weeks about the deadline I had set for him. Asked me what was bothering me...explained to him some of the things I wrote in the letter I am going to give to him. I knew then it was now or never...told him i've been patient with him...told him I can't live like this anymore...told him NC is the only option. He was very understanding, apologized for not doing right by me, said he understands how hard it must be, told me he would make things right. I told him...I can't rely on words any longer...I need actions. We said I love you and haven't talked to him since.

 

Here I am at Day 3 and feeling very lonely for him. Maybe if he would have been more of an a$$ to me during the goodbye, then it would be easier for me. It was a big step to establish NC, however I'm left hanging on to his words once more...hoping he will come through...hoping his words or more than just that WORDS. I love him so much, this is so heart breaking for me. Saw him drive by my house yesterday....wanted to chase him down and have him hold me...I want so many things. Work is going to be very tough for me, we always talk atleast a couple times a day during work....I know when to expect the phone to ring...that will be very tough. I really think he will respect my wishes...however a part of me hopes he dont?? Why, so I can sit here and be mad that he didn't? Am I mental?

 

I haven't let myself cry yet....well..there are just no tears at this point..I'm sure when I realize that he isn't going to pick me...they will flow freely..but i'm still hanging on. Need to let go...HOW?

 

How is everyone else doing this morning...what kind of nights have you put in? Tossed and turned all night....again. this sucks!

[foolinlove]

Lynnered....lmao..just read you message....love it! Good I"m glad you typed that...shows him what a fool he looks like. And very good not to reassure him...that is what he was looking for.. Too BAD...buddy....not gonnna find it with this girl....shes a lean mean man hating machine!

[cherrie498]

"Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of

jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow." - unknown

LOVE IT!!! How true!!!!

 

Sounds like everyone is having a tough morning!!!

 

newbby- What you are doing is right! Read back through your old post, this man has hurt you. He hasnt been considerate of your feelings. You have enjoyed your friendship with him when you could let go of YOUR wants/expectations. You cant do that forever. As fun as it was, it was a one sided relationship! YOU gave up your wants to maintain the peace so to speak. You are going to have to stop sometime, trust me when I say one person can only take so much! YOU deserve a giving & equal relationship!!!

 

Lynne: HOW FUNNY!!! He has to be so pissed!!! Not only does he not have you under his control you also pinpointed his ridiculous actions....

SUCKS TO BE IN HIS SHOES.....oh well!!!! Lol

 

Today is my MM b-day……………HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! & HAPPY 3rd DAY OF NC

[lynnered]

thats what I dont get about my MM ,i went over this how many times!&the sept deadline!

What do they not comprehend!ive explained it nice mean ,slow like i was telling a 2year old i cant do much else!

If U want him & truly want it to end for good NC is the only way if U stay ,Ull do exactly that stay where U are show him U read my MM Ims when i wasnt logged in?

freaking out,driving by house!!

my god!

(11:23:17 PM): Sorry i don t know how to be good to someone i used to being mean and someone mean to me

(11:53:50 PM): I leave you alone the rest of tonight you get some rest and we can talk sometime

(12:05:18 AM): Goodnight baby

12:34:18 AM): I going to sleep good might talk to you one day

(12:44:59 AM)If you wanna talk or see me im me baby

I stayed invisable ,did not respond,not going to type him no more he should know the deal .

its not mental to miss him & want him ,let this make U mad,why instead of want him to hold U,isnt he leaving thats what keeps me away yes he misses loves wants me ETC ,but what do his actions show?

Let him feel what U feel i had him at that point 1 time really he was so worried about losing me for good i was stupied didnt stand my ground this time ,either way i win,

if he doesnt leave i will get over him,be a better stronger person

If he does i will be a better stronger person,who showed him im not a door mat,not going to wait forever ,and i will not stay where im not treated well.

like i said a win win situation;)

i will be ok

[Art_Critic]

I thought October was get rid of the Bum MM forever !!!!

 

From what I've have been reading here nobody has gotten rid of their MM yet .. Are we waiting till the end of October ?

 

You can't get rid of somone if you are still talking to them !!

[lynnered]

come on we are doing it !!

me foolinlove,and a few others are on day 3

due date was oct 1 for everyone most have done ,or are in process of goodbye,ive only typed on word &thats cause hes driving by my house &has a key which he claims he lost so only reason i typed was i saw what he typed&pissed me off ,and who is he to questions whos at my house .

anyway will change my locks tomorrow.

we are all going to do it everybody doesnt do everything at the same pace &weve gotton some who dont post alot on board i think we are all doing our best & will hold each accountable &help each other !

[cherrie498]

Hey......I havent spoke to my MM since 9/30

I had planned on starting my NC a little before that

but had my weak moments & decided to be weak up until 9/30

We need a way to keep our minds OFF MM

not just to stop talking to them.....Any ideas anyone?!?!?!?

[lynnered]

Yes a tough morning Im ok & i dont count it as breaking NC as i typed 1 word & he kept typing but i was invisable & didnt respond.

The driving by just pissed me off so much!

And i went over my neighbors for a cook out last night so ive been getting out a little it iratated me also because he typed that comment also"U never sign out of IM"

like i should be home keep vigual over the computer!WTF!

i think he looks like a controll freak !

but i did sign it out i will not sign in again

Ok if i do invisable ?just 1x a day wein myself

anyway yes tough but sick as it might sound it gives me pleasure to see him act insecure ,because ive wondered about him what he does there ,and felt not wanted ,hes acts to busy for me some of the things he types,so ot makes me want to do this even more so ill reread posts &his ims when i get weak & of course POST here!

[lynnered]

i havent talked to mine since 9/28/typed 1 word last night but was not a conversion or backing down in anyway !

WE ARE DOING IT LADIES

my idea is if i get weak i will do nothing until i get at least 2 responces from one of the "october crew"

to talk me off the ledge so to say:D

also we need to start working on us inside & out .