Louisesarah Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I have been friends with my friend over 15 years but she’s always been the type to talk about you behind your back. 4 months ago she introduced me to two of her friends,1 was gay and immediately we got on and started to kiss and date etc. This girl invited me on a date just the two of us. My friend went ballistic and made up a excuse that I was a bad friend and stoped speaking to me,I tried to understand her issues but basically she cut me off so I would no longer be invited out and wouldn’t see this girl. Me and this girl text daily and we get along great BUT today the 3 of them have gone on a day out and the girl I’m dating didn’t tell me and didn’t invite me. Yet my ex friend has been vile to me,telling lies about me and slagging me off,the girl I was dating knows why she’s doing it yet she’s still out with her today. I feel massively massively hurt. Do I have a reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 A bit unsure why this has been moved. I’m asking if I have a reason to feel betrayed by the girl I’m dating not the ex friend Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Yeah, you have a right to feel angry about this because she's being neutral when really if she really liked you she would of expressed her feelings towards your friend whom you knew for 15 years and say that...this isn't right and why not can't you and she meet for a date without your friend interfering? It sounds like she's jealous that you are going out with this girl and she likes her too. It doesn't make sense for her to introduce you to them and then get angry when you decided to get to know one of them deeply. Whats the point of the introduction otherwise? She seems like she doesn't want to fall out with her either and she keeping it cool between both of them but really this girl should have her say whenever she likes it or not. The angry mate doesn't always call the shots. I mean even if she did invited you this girl you talk daily, would that really help of you being in the same place as your jealously friend? I'd say that you can continue to be friends with this girl whom wants to not take sides or just cut them all off, I'd go with the second option, they are all not worth upsetting about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 Yeah, you have a right to feel angry about this because she's being neutral when really if she really liked you she would of expressed her feelings towards your friend whom you knew for 15 years and say that...this isn't right and why not can't you and she meet for a date without your friend interfering? It sounds like she's jealous that you are going out with this girl and she likes her too. It doesn't make sense for her to introduce you to them and then get angry when you decided to get to know one of them deeply. Whats the point of the introduction otherwise? She seems like she doesn't want to fall out with her either and she keeping it cool between both of them but really this girl should have her say whenever she likes it or not. The angry mate doesn't always call the shots. I mean even if she did invited you this girl you talk daily, would that really help of you being in the same place as your jealously friend? I'd say that you can continue to be friends with this girl whom wants to not take sides or just cut them all off, I'd go with the second option, they are all not worth upsetting about. My friend didn’t know I was into girls at the time,so when I said I liked her friend she was a bit suprised. It’s the fact she wanted to exclude me that’s why she has cut me off and she has succeeded Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 You're not supposed to steal your old friends' friends or love prospects. And it's on you, not the new woman because she doesn't owe any loyalty, having only known her such a short time. What you're doing it hurtful and it's you poaching her friends. Go make your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 You're not supposed to steal your old friends' friends or love prospects. And it's on you, not the new woman because she doesn't owe any loyalty, having only known her such a short time. What you're doing it hurtful and it's you poaching her friends. Go make your own. What are you talking about? I have been dating this woman,not friends. We like each other (or so I thought ) Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 preraph has got a point that she doesn't own you any loyalty but you don't have to with her either. If she really liked you enough she would of defended you a little and say ''hey give this poor girl a break'', it's still unreasonable for your friend to act so angry about it but I suppose since you never told her you liked girls after such a long friendship she probably feels like you didn't trust her enough to tell her you are gay. She felt probably hurt that the friendship didn't mean anything because you didn't confide in her and that she found out the last minute you liked girls by her planning a arrangement for you to meet her mates. Let her get over the shock and let her calm down if she hasn't then who needs friends when you got enemies. This girl may talk to you daily but I would feel exactly how you feel if a guy I liked didn't defend me and just sided with someone else a little. I would feel a tiny bit betrayed I say tiny bit because I wouldn't know him long enough. You need to give this girl a wide birth and i'd say both of them. She obviously hates to upset your best friend but not even brave enough to say something she may not like. Tell this girl you thought liked you that you are not going to care anymore about the invites she makes with your other friend and you are quite happy to remove her because you are not feeling like she likes you enough and to initiate a gathering event. You feel like she is putting your friend in a pedestal and too afraid to speak up towards her. It's best to let go that way they can't rub it in your face when she text you about going out with your bitter mate. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Your friend may want the new girl all to herself. You said she didn't know you like girls. Do you know if she likes girls? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I empathise with you Louisesarah, never easy being an outsider and even more so for girls I imagine, take a step back for a minute, you still have a good relationship with this new girl, remember she had a friendship also with your long term friend and she is not going to throw that away either,and unfortunately for you, you cannot be part of their group for the time being anyway, you will have to sort out this problem with your older friend but accept that your new friend/love interest in in the middle on this and she is not going to take sides, you have to just built a separate relationship with her. dignified silence is the best way to handle it- thou not the easiest way. Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I’ll just comment on one aspect of the situation. If your “friend” consistently talks behind your back and this is not an isolated incident it would be a good time to cut the cord. I would want loyal not deceitful friends Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted August 18, 2019 Author Share Posted August 18, 2019 The girl text me this morning asking if I was in a mood with her. I just said I was ok,if I cause a drama it might push her away. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 (edited) You shouldn't of said you are afraid to cause a drama when you're the one who's only being YOU. You have got options and its not right or wrong but you can cut both of them out or just remain being a outsider and still talk to the girl you like even though she's leaving you out. I don't understand why you and the girl you like can't meet private together, why does she have to do everything your long term friend does or says?. is she glued to her hips or something? Can't she make decisions on her own to meet up with you without your long term friend being there? because if no then I just think she's being ambivalent. if you like someone even if you don't know them enough, you will still meet up without caring about others feelings. There's no excuse to it. Edited August 19, 2019 by rainbow12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 You shouldn't of said you are afraid to cause a drama when you're the one who's only being YOU. You have got options and its not right or wrong but you can cut both of them out or just remain being a outsider and still talk to the girl you like even though she's leaving you out. I don't understand why you and the girl you like can't meet private together, why does she have to do everything your long term friend does or says?. is she glued to her hips or something? Can't she make decisions on her own to meet up with you without your long term friend being there? because if no then I just think she's being ambivalent. if you like someone even if you don't know them enough, you will still meet up without caring about others feelings. There's no excuse to it. Yes we are meeting up on Friday for some drinks. I miss hanging out in the group tho It was nice to feel part of a group Link to post Share on other sites
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