Feel like i cant afford any sort of life

[confused83]

I'm getting really fed up lately and constantly depressed and feeling drained. I work around 50 hours a week EVERY week self employed. As im self employed i dont get holiday pay etc so a holiday for me seems like an impossible dream.

Im behind on rent by 2 months so im now paying £300/month more than usual to get rid of the arrears yet my landlord contacts me constantly which just makes me feel even more down as im actually trying to pay it but its slower than he'd hope. I live in a house share so thats not ideal, ive got a works van which is old a tacky, no car, never go out as i work long hours and have no money to do things. I have an IVA from debts of a previous relationship and im at my end.

 

2 years back i had a partner, the bills where halved, had plenty of money, a nice car, holidays, etc. But since we broke up and i took some debt on ive just never done anything for the past 2 years other than work to pay to sit in a house and have 0 social life. Its embarrassing when mates ask me to holidays and events and i turn it down as cant afford it. I keep thinking work hard, pay x off amd things will improve but its taking forever to pay x off. The iva is always horrendous and wish id never bothered. 5 years payments at £150/month to have a shocking credit rating seems pointless. I did it over bankruptcy as didnt want to lose my business and be out of work but now feel like for the past 2 years im working myself into the ground for debt payments.

 

I also would love a relationship again but feel ive got nothing to bring to the table money wise, but on the other hand it doesnt feel like a single persons world. My landlord is wanting me to leave which means ill need a rented property of my own at £500ish a month. Is life really just work and bills to have no life? Im 35 now and going nowhere.

 

I also feel like this IVA that i initially took out to rebuild my life is actually making it worse. In losing £150 before i even start every month and its a lot of money. Thats hindering me even contemplating my own rented house or flat as thats the tax, electric etc all in 1 just thrown down a drain. The debt was built up as we didnt have pet insurance and i couldnt just put down my cat so i paid and hes now fit and healthy.

Edited August 17, 2019 by confused83

[FMW]

The obvious (at least to me) answer seems to be to find a job that will provide you with a steady reliable income and benefits.

 

I'm sure being your own boss is your preference, but it's apparently not working out for you. It doesn't have to be forever, but it seems at least for the near term you need to consider working for someone else.

[Flame Aura]

Do you have any family you could move in with temporarily so you could save on rent to help clear the debt?

[confused83]

I have considered full time employment but the IVA takes 100% of your surplus income so im currently on a decent average wage a month. In northern England id be lucky to get much more anywhere else contracted and the worry is if i got an extra £100/month extra the IVA would swallow that up as theyd see it as surplus.

 

Its also a little degrading going back to my parents and know theyd not want the hassle of having me back at my age. I also dont want them to know im struggling as my mum has bipolar so she'll worry etc the moment i let on ive spent thousands on a vets bill.

Edited August 17, 2019 by confused83

[Flame Aura]

Its also a little degrading going back to my parents and know theyd not want the hassle of having me back at my age. I also dont want them to know im struggling as my mum has bipolar so she'll worry etc the moment i let on ive spent thousands on a vets bill.

Maybe so but sometimes you have to do things you don't want short term in order for things to be better long term.

 

 

I moved out of my mums house nearly 3 years ago as I finally wanted the freedom, and will be reluctantly moving back at the end this year, in order to be able to clear some debts before purchasing a house with my girlfriend next year.

 

 

Am I happy about it? Hell no. But this short term sacrifice will enable me a much better long term future.

[salparadise]

...the moment i let on ive spent thousands on a vets bill.

 

I wish I had a solution, but I don’t. If it’s possible to move in with parents to get out of the hole, that seems reasonable, even if not desirable. Something has to give, and your pride is suffering regardless.

 

I know that people love their animals, and it’s only natural to want to take good care of them... but you have to realize that spending thousands on a vet bill you couldn’t afford was an emotional reaction that turned your life upside down. The consequences were disproportionate. Now you have a healthy cat and are on the verge of homelessness. When you have a pet you are going to suffer loss at some point, that’s something you have to accept. You’d have been better off stiffing the vet than the landlord.

[spiritedaway2003]

Its also a little degrading going back to my parents and know theyd not want the hassle of having me back at my age. I also dont want them to know im struggling as my mum has bipolar so she'll worry etc the moment i let on ive spent thousands on a vets bill.

 

Sometimes you need to do things for the long term. I moved back home after college, when everyone around me moved out and be "independent". I didn't have the financial means to move out right after; I worked all through college but put everything back into paying for college. I didn't have a job immediately after (recession). I had a goal and a target, though. After a few years of living at home, working and saving hard (always living below my means), I put my savings down towards a down-payment on a reasonably affordable condo when I was in my mid-20s (with my sibling - we moved out together, we're not too far apart in age). We've paid it off a year ago and I won't lie - having that financial freedom is great.

 

Sometimes you do need to sacrifice the short term to work towards the longer future goals. Don't let pride stop you from looking for a different job, or moving back from home, if that's what you need to stabilize your situation. Do what is most sensible so you can begin to work towards getting yourself out of the financial hole you're in. It's temporary.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 17, 2019 by spiritedaway2003

[Watercolors]

 

Its also a little degrading going back to my parents and know theyd not want the hassle of having me back at my age. I also dont want them to know im struggling as my mum has bipolar so she'll worry etc the moment i let on ive spent thousands on a vets bill.

 

Sometimes you have to suck it up, when circumstances are such that you have no other alternative. I moved back in with my mother when she had a stroke and her alzheimers became so bad she couldn't take care of herself.

 

I had to quit my job last year, and it took me almost a year to find a memory care place for mom to move into after I secured county assistance for her. During the time I lived w/mom, I had zero social life.

 

Since your parents are ok, despite you mom's bipolar, reframe the situation as a financially wise decision. You have a TON of debt since you're single, and you're self-employed and struggling to pay rent and bills. Living with your parents will allow you to: pay down your debt and look for full-time work where you could have the freedom to move to another city. If you were in your house share, you are literally trapped there. But, living with your parents not paying rent, you have the freedom to job search in other cities in Northern England, or wherever else in England the jobs are. Living at home with your parents right now, means you could save money to move out in 6 months to a year, once you find full-time work (if that's the path you choose). What I'm saying is, moving home with your parents will give you a lot more OPTIONS than staying stuck where you are right now in your house share that has you miserable.

 

If you move home for a temporary period of time, it's so that you can get back on your feet financially. It's not shameful to let go of a house share that you're financially drowning in.

 

It's common sense to say, "I can't afford rent right now. So, I'll move in with the parents for a period of time until I get my debt under control."

 

You are not the only middle-aged adult who had to move back in w/his parents when life's circumstances required it. You are lucky they are there for you still. Now that my mom's in memory care, if I ever get into financial trouble I have no place to go but a homeless shelter. Think about it. If you have zero savings, are behind on rent, and have additional debt in collections do you really think it's wise to continue to throw money at back-rent while you worry about future rent at your house share?

 

Talk to your landlord about needing to break your current lease so that you can finish paying off the back rent faster. Work out something with your parents where you need to stay with them, say for 6 months, while you repay your landlord the back-rent, and work on the rest of your debt. It could take the pressure off of your shoulders, knowing you have shelter that you don't have to financially worry about for the next 6 months while you get back on your feet.

You can always contribute to groceries or the electric bill at your parent's.

 

But, moving home temporarily means you could also reboot your social life and go out with your mates on vacations again. It's not permanent and it is a financially better option that where you are now.

Edited August 17, 2019 by Watercolors

[Eternal Sunshine]

I wish I had a solution, but I don’t. If it’s possible to move in with parents to get out of the hole, that seems reasonable, even if not desirable. Something has to give, and your pride is suffering regardless.

 

I know that people love their animals, and it’s only natural to want to take good care of them... but you have to realize that spending thousands on a vet bill you couldn’t afford was an emotional reaction that turned your life upside down. The consequences were disproportionate. Now you have a healthy cat and are on the verge of homelessness. When you have a pet you are going to suffer loss at some point, that’s something you have to accept. You’d have been better off stiffing the vet than the landlord.

 

 

This is something only a person that doesn't like animals would say. How about you don't take your child to the doctor? Or put the child down rather than pay medical bills. Sounds entirely sensible to me.

[preraph]

I think most of us have been through this. Keeping up the bills is a struggle. I'm glad your kitty is okay. I've gone into debt for cats before, that's for sure.

 

I think you need a job on your days off. Forget about relationship right now! It's no time for that. Stop thinking it's something you must do! Just get your house and employment in order and stop thinking about spending money trying to date. That's nuts! If it weren't for the work van, which is a blessing, I'd tell you to change jobs, but you're very lucky to have a company vehicle! Saves you so much money.

 

First, sounds like you must move out, so only you know what your options are. If I were you, I'd move in with parents if you have some in town, or a sibling, work two jobs and save up. You surely have a friend or two without a wife and kids who might put up with you for a little while. If not, rent a room somewhere that takes cats.

 

Better to have two jobs. Yes, work your days off. I've had to do it most of my life.

 

And when you do move, try to just find a room real close to work so at least you don't have commute time. Then use all extra time for extra job but be close enough to your room to be able to check on the cat at lunch breaks.

[salparadise]

This is something only a person that doesn't like animals would say. How about you don't take your child to the doctor? Or put the child down rather than pay medical bills. Sounds entirely sensible to me.

 

And this ^ is something that only a person who can't differentiate between a cat and their own child would say. And since you apparently have comprehension issues, I'll clarify that I did not say OP should've put the cat down.

 

I've had pets all my life, and I've spent my share on vet bills. The difference is that I could afford it. Had I been faced with the choice of spending thousands I couldn't afford on vet bills or not being able to pay the rent, I would be looking for alternatives. Like a more reasonable vet for starters. Thousands, as in multiple thousands, is a lot of money. You have to be rational about money or you'll end up... well, broke and homeless.

[Foxhall]

self employment can be good provided you are generating income and it is not stressing you,

 

in your case it is clearly not working,

 

you have to be prepared to go back working for someone at least in the short term,

 

have a regular wage coming in every week and force yourself to save even $100 a week,

 

this will give you more peace of mind and get you back on track,

 

as a rule of thumb, before going self employed you need a bit of a nest egg-money for the rainy day put aside.

[basil67]

You’d have been better off stiffing the vet than the landlord.

 

You've probably heard that vets have a high suicide rate. Did you know that the reason for this is them getting so behind on bills because of people stiffing them?