yesilikebread Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 (edited) I used to be "friends" with this older woman, she is around 50, I'm around 30. In the beginning when we hung out quite often, had a coffee and talked I really wanted to be there for her since she was going through an abusive break-up. Now a couple of months into our friendship, she introduced me to one of her guy friends (she had said many times that she wanted him to meet me) that she was interested in, however he was taken and she knew this. One day I was out and saw her male friend and his friend so I went up to them and started chatting, nothing special just a friendly chat. My former "friend" (I say "friend" because I don't believe a true friend treats you like this) saw us and sat down with us, but after a while she got angry and accused the men of ignoring her and only talking to me. "They JUST want to **** you" she said, speaking about her male friend and his friend. After this little incident she started ignoring me. I saw her in a bar and she didn't even look at me. Made me pretty upset since I preach open communication. I Have tried to talk to her but she says she's "busy". This happened months ago and she still hasn't spoken to me when she has seen me. I have started to hang out with her male friend which is now my friend and he is actually afraid of bumping into her because she will cause a scene about me and him. I don't care what she says about me, but I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. Between me and the man it's purely platonic and I should be able to be his friend without her getting upset. Should I tell her that me and him are only friends or should I not?? I just don't want to feel like I'm hiding our friendship..and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells Her anger and jealousy has just made me and the man closer, distancing ourselves from her since we all used to hang out before this drama. Edited August 17, 2019 by yesilikebread More info Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 (edited) Who would you be hiding this friendship from if you avoid this former friend? It's nothing for you to worry about anymore. Avoid her. She's history. I know women like her. They are jealous and insecure at ANY age, not just middle age. I've been in your shoes, just as recently as this spring with a woman like your "former" friend. She was a total b*$#% to me too. I was introduced to her while out my friend who happens to be her former college roommate. I think she was a jerk to me because she felt like I was trying to friend poach her college roommate from her, which was absurd. I assume that's why she would agree to meet me for a movie or lunch, and then cancel at the last minute and literally text me, "Sorry but I had better plans come up."She even accused me of being fake, You just want everyone to like you, so you pretend to be this strong, outgoing person." I finally got fed up and confronted her. I told her, that I thought her behavior was immature, that I wasn't poaching her long-time friend she went to college with, and that I felt like she and i couldn't be friends b/c of how rude she was to me, for no reason at all. Normally, I wouldn't waste my breath telling someone why I don't want to be friends with them because they can figure it out themselves. But I was worried her erratic behavior would disrupt my new friendship with her former college roommate, b/c she and I get along so great. So, I also had to be honest with my new friend, why I didn't want to be friends with her former college roommate. She was shocked at first, but understood and so far it hasn't negatively impacted our new friendship. She's still friends with her former college roommate, and she's still friends with me. My advice to you would be to leave your former friend alone. She doesn't sound like a woman who can be reasoned with, who instead may prefer confrontation so she can cause a scene for attention. Yuck. She sounds like a drama queen to me. Someone who is very insecure with herself, who manipulates other people to the point where they are afraid of her acting out in public, like you described. She may be 50, but she acts like she's a teenager if she's having a tantrum like the one you describe where she blurted that the only reason her male friends are talking to you b/c they want to get into bed with you. Avoid this woman like the plague and continue your friendship with her male friend. Let him fight his own battle with her, fyi. It's not yours to meddle with. Don't let him rope you into becoming the middle-man with that crazy woman and him. If he's afraid of her, that's his business to address, not yours. He's a grown man. He can fight his own battles. For god sake. Edited August 18, 2019 by Watercolors Link to post Share on other sites
Author yesilikebread Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 Thank you for your response! Absolutely, I have avoided her for several months now but unfortunately I run into her occasionally since we live in a small city. Anyway, she is indeed a drama queen and in my opinion she thrives on male attention. Another male friend we have in common who used to be interested in me recently told me that "before he hooks up with me, she will show him a good time". And regarding my male friend you are totally right. If someone can't stand up for themselves it's going to be hard maintaining the friendship, but I will give it a go and see how things progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Thank you for your response! Absolutely, I have avoided her for several months now but unfortunately I run into her occasionally since we live in a small city. Anyway, she is indeed a drama queen and in my opinion she thrives on male attention. Another male friend we have in common who used to be interested in me recently told me that "before he hooks up with me, she will show him a good time". And regarding my male friend you are totally right. If someone can't stand up for themselves it's going to be hard maintaining the friendship, but I will give it a go and see how things progress. Good that you are avoiding this woman for several months now. Although you may occasionally run into her, you can avoid her dramatic confrontation by having an exit plan for when you do see her. If its on the street -- cross to the other side. If it's in the store or the bar or restaurant -- go to another area until you're out of her sight. Works for me with people I run into, who I need to avoid like the plague. If your male friend can't handle her, well, there's a rather pejorative word for that... That other male friend sounds like a total perv to be honest. Gross. He said that to you? So gross. Eww. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yesilikebread Posted August 20, 2019 Author Share Posted August 20, 2019 Good that you are avoiding this woman for several months now. Although you may occasionally run into her, you can avoid her dramatic confrontation by having an exit plan for when you do see her. If its on the street -- cross to the other side. If it's in the store or the bar or restaurant -- go to another area until you're out of her sight. Works for me with people I run into, who I need to avoid like the plague. If your male friend can't handle her, well, there's a rather pejorative word for that... That other male friend sounds like a total perv to be honest. Gross. He said that to you? So gross. Eww. Haha, oops a typo from my side. I meant to say that my former friend told our male friend that before he hooks up with me she is going to show him a good time. Seems to me like she wants to "compete" with me or something. It's kind of sick. Oh well, humans are strange. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 So have you met this "taken" man's girlfriend/wife? In your OP you say you believe in open communication and you don't want to hide your friendship so I'm guessing you made sure to meet this man's significant other and there's no friendship being kept secret from her either right? Your ex-friend sounds very immature and desperate but I actually question the maturity of everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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