She ended the affair after leading me on for over a year. from here?

[JamesKo]

I was having an affair with a married women who had a 1 year old baby girl. She texted me everyday and we spoke on the day everyday. It was a long distance relationship so to say. She was/is in an abusive relationship. The husband was a drug addict, drank a lot and constantly got aggressive and beat her. I had asked her to leave him for the sake of her own happiness yet she wanted to try it out with the husband.

 

Why was I there ?

This is a question I ask myself constantly. I had fallen in love with her. I was looking forward to meeting her. Now here is a women, who tells me that she really likes me, really wants to meet me, doesn't want to lose me yet in the night sleeps with her husband. As painful as this might sound, yes it was hurting me. But for some reason I had turned my heart into a stone and was just counting the days to meet her.

 

We had planned this for quite a time, almost 3 months and everyday I my expectations grew bigger. She wanted to meet me as well and promised me if everything goes well between the two of us, she will leave the husband altogether. A month from our meetup and I asked her how are things between her husband and her and she replies saying that he has changed a little and was being nice. I told her upfront that I was feeling guilty if I was getting in between her marriage if it was finally going good now. She goes on saying that she was still wants to meet me.

 

A week before we had to meet. I get a message from her saying that she was not feeling well and could be pregnant. I lost it that day. I had been coping with all of this for quite some time now. She asked me to support her. I asked her if she was being serious ? Here we have a guy who loves this women and she gives him in return tells him that she has feelings for him, likes him, wants to meet him, yet is sleeping in the night with her husband. How can one do that ? To have feelings for someone else and sleep with another guy who is technically her husband. I just never got this. It stings...

 

Turns out she was not pregnant. She knew I was not going to take this well and she just put it out there and then used my reaction as an excuse to cancel the plan. I later found out about this through her friend. And then began our arguments which lasted for over 2 months. Everyday we argued because I wanted her to admit it that she was in the wrong for leading me on and giving me false hope. She had no intentions to meet me. She later onwards decided to end it all and just like that she simply blocked me from every social media. An affair for over a year. A person I spoke with everyday, at least 6-8 times a day. Just like that.

 

I didn't like it all. I felt used and decided to threaten her by telling her husband about it. I know it was stupid but I was never going to do it. I wanted closure and even then she lied and never seemed to admit that she was in the wrong for using me. She ended up calling my mother and telling her everything. Later she tells her sister, her mother and everyone got to know about it. Her ending story was that she wanted to work on the marriage since the husband had change and since she had a child with him.

 

She hates me till this day. All I ever wanted was to meet this person. I waited for over a year and this person didn't even have the courtesy to give me 1 day of her life but she dragged me on and lied to me and faked feelings for me.

 

I feel bad about myself.

[Marc878]

Cheaters lie a lot. So you don't know anything about her husband except what she told you.

 

Sounds like you were just a distraction for her and she never intended on anything serious except some fun on the side. Talk only.

 

You were knowingly engaging married women so your hands aren't clean either.

 

Maybe this will help you mature, grow some morals and become a better man. There are women out there who are single.

[DKT3]

For most women affair are a chance to escape from mundane life. The fantasy of it all. I'm betting this whole was a game for her, she never had any intention on actually cheating, it was just some excitement to pass the time.

 

I would even bet her husband was none of the things she described.

 

Did she use you? Absolutely, but I dont think she did so in a malicious way, I believe that when you pressed her to bust the fantasy bubble and make it real she started to back away, I'm guessing she was slightly addicted to the ego boost but never really wanted it to go past that. Of course there is a chance you were simply catfished and it was all very malicious.

[Flame Aura]

I feel bad about myself.

Oh man, this last line got me, I feel for you James.

 

Firstly don't beat yourself up too much about it. We have all been there. I won't go into the whole story about my first love but the heartbreak was a lot worse than what you are experiencing. Even the bad experiences are a lesson in life.

 

Secondly you need to make some changes going forward. The main change is don't be so quick to use the word 'love' about someone who you don't even know or have met. Maybe you thought you were in love, but trust me, the day you fall in love for real, you will look back at this 'feeling' you had for this woman and realise it was not love. Save that word for someone who deserves it.

 

Another change is when you meet someone either online or real life, if they tell you they are in a relationship/married, then you do not get involved. Do not try to be a white knight to save them from their relationship. To be in a successful relationship you want to meet someone who is emotionally ready, which means not having baggage such as other men in the mix.

 

In addition to this, if you do meet someone online, then you need to meet them sooner rather than later. People can put on all kinds of acts when talking online. You want to meet them to see the real them, not live of a fantasy you have created in your head from chatting to them.

 

Lastly and most importantly, always remember your value, you are the prize. You want to be with someone who appreciates you for all of you. This woman did not. One day you will meet the person who will.

[BaileyB]

Here we have a guy who loves this women and she tells him that she has feelings for him, likes him, wants to meet him, yet is sleeping in the night with her husband. How can one do that? To have feelings for someone else and sleep with another guy who is technically her husband. I just never got this.

 

I'm sorry, but he is her husband. They have a child together. Most married people sleep together, what they don't normally do is tell other people that they love them. This is what happens when you involve yourself in another person's marriage. Unfortunately, you get your heart broken.

 

All I ever wanted was to meet this person. I waited for over a year and this person didn't even have the courtesy to give me 1 day of her life but she dragged me on and lied to me and faked feelings for me. I feel bad about myself.

 

Please, don't feel badly about yourself. This woman conned you. If anything, you were too trusting and you got burned. Learn from this experience. Relationships develop in person - you got way too involved with someone you didn't know. You had never met her. And, she had a husband...

 

Time to move on... Again, lesson learned.

[mark clemson]

I agree + like the posts above. OP, realize that this woman was ultimately just using you for validation. Whatever the actuality of her situation, she was just making it more bearable/helping herself to feel better. She probably never got nearly as emotionally attached as you did. Time to dust yourself off and walk away. Be 100% resolute. No interest, no going back, no checking in, nada. There's nothing there except lies.

[ajequals]

being you never met her how do you know anything she said was true ? or even if it was a she?

[elaine567]

I feel bad about myself.

 

...and that is exactly why you entered into this mess in the first place.

 

Welcome to the world of extra marital affairs, the rules are different, way different.

You thought you had a gf and that she would leave her loser of a husband for you, some long distance guy off the internet. Wrong!

She would have been mad to do that.

...and what was all this months of fighting because she didn't want to meet you, next time take the hint...

 

Damsels in distress rarely want to be saved. Here she just wanted her husband to improve and be the man she wanted him to be. Was he a drug addicted, alcoholic abuser may be, may be not. Who knows?

She used you as a sounding board and an ego boost. She didn't want to leave him, you just made her life more bearable so she could stay basically. You were a fantasy, a fantasy she didn't want to make real.

 

NEVER get involved with anyone who has another still in the picture.

Your ego may tell you that you are superior, that there is no competition, that she will choose you, but they very often don't. With a child in the mix, it was highly unlikely she was going anywhere.

Your ego is thus bruised, she chose this apparent mess of a man over you and that hurts, but that is life unfortunately.

When you go mining for coal, you get coal, not diamonds.

 

Let it go.