Artdeco Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 (edited) So after being in a relationship with this guy for a few years, as friends / APs, we’re now pretty much living together, and it’s been about a year (total R+A about 7 yrs). Now all of a sudden he’s got a job offer in a different state which would require a four hour flight, and I’m asking myself why am I happy with the expectation that he might get the job? The reason COULD be that I have always been quite comfortable living on my own. The living together thing has been a little bit of a challenge to me. But I’ve been trying to make it work and we have not had any MAJOR issues. And he definitely loves the shared household..... no doubt about that… But the expectation of him living in a different state kind of thrills the **** out of me. I would still be in a relationship with him and I love him still but having my own space again just sounds too good to be true...and it would just be the way it used to be between us. And to me, spending weekends in a gorgeous place doesn’t sound too shabby either. I’m kind of surprised at myself that I’m not more territorial/possessive when it comes to him… Given our history… Shouldn't I be happy that he’s living with me rather than anticipating the chance/opportunity that he might be living in a different state, which would put us in something like a similar situation - that we used to be in for years - yet again? Similar meaning long distance, affair-like, just seeing each other every other weekend by flying back-and-forth, heck who knows - he might be meeting somebody else he likes better than me… But I’m really not worried about it because I’m sure our connection is real I guess I just liked our relationship the way it was, and having somebody around me 24 seven is just not my cup of tea entirely........ However, I’ve always said that if I am ever going to be with a guy full-time again, it’s going to be him or no one. Well, it ended up to be him… But like I said - two households were my ideal situation.... and we might have that again soon. I guess I’m just worried about me not being worried ....... haha Edited August 17, 2019 by Artdeco Link to post Share on other sites
abandoned2018 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 i don't have an answer to your question, I'm sorry.. but may i please ask how you ended up together after starting out as an affair? i would have loved if my ex-MM and me became a couple and it did not happen.i am going through a very painful post break up period and i guess why i am asking is because it would hit it home to me that if the love is real people do end up together even though it starts as an affair .. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I think this situation is just helping clarify things for you about what you want and need. As long as it works for both of you then no reason to worry that it doesn't fit the standard mold of relationships. I eventually want to have a committed relationship again, but I really enjoy being on my own. Combining households isn't something I necessarily ever want to do again. Again, as long as it works for both of you, no need to worry about not being worried 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I think your feelings may have something to do with your attachment style. You might research attachment styles on the internet. If your attachment style isn't causing problems for you there is no reason to do anything to "fix" it. Just something to be cognizant of in your own self-awareness... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettinoverit Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I'm going through a similar thing in a different way right now. My xH who lives away during the week and comes here at weekends is applying for a job in another country (his home country) and, while part of me is terrified of being here completely alone, another part of me is really looking forwards to having my own space. Since we separated 6 months ago, I've been working very hard at keeping a good relationship going with him for the sake of the children but also for my own peace of mind. Everything that needed to be yelled has been yelled. There is nothing more to say and I'm working hard at finding peace. When he comes home at weekends, I get irritated! I've done my own thing all week, and now having someone else in my space, interfering is annoying! With this new job, he will be flying frequently back and forth and come here maybe once a month. I'm really hoping he gets it, because that sounds like a good thing all round for all of us. I get my space, he gets to live his single life just as he has always wanted and the kids still get to see him regularly. So I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I certainly don't have an avoidant attachment style, if anything it was the other way but I've found the happy medium since the separation. I've finally learned we really do have zero control over anyone except ourselves. I say roll with it and see what happens. Life never stands still! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 What is pretty much living together? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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