being a person

[letyourheartholdfast]

well, hi guys. i need advices about sthing. it's gonna be hard to explain.

 

i'm 21 year old and also i am a student of veterinary medicine. normally, i write, read, paint, sing music, search etc. i have lots of way to improve or show myself.

 

i have a bf, it's ldr. well, he has problems mentally. like obsession about himself, me and our relationship and our past. we had very bad times. we see each other like 3 years with break ups.. we love each other and i know that.

 

here is my situation:

 

i do not feel a 'person'. i want to read or paint or be happy in that time with myself. bec. in a day, i wait messages and interest from him instead of read, paint or sthing else.. always in instagram or waiting for him. i know it seems too pathetic but it is true. a true i can face it but don't know what to do about it. i feel so useless. i know my capability, i have too many interests.

 

i just wanna be more focus on myself. maybe i have no self confidence i don't know. i'm young, i should be more energic more indepented or in a mood like "who cares?"

 

i hope u can understand me. thank you guys. i wanna a way, you know, a way which is parallel with my partners way. he needs my help. of course i will help him anyway. also want to protect myself too... i just don't wanna be a person which is waiting for someone. want to be strong no matter what.

 

thank you, guys.

[megan4321]

I'm no expect but perhaps you have become co dependant. characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

 

You know you need your own identity. To be the person you are when you are not with your boyfriend.

Your boyfriends problems are his problems to solve. Look after yourself and do the things you enjoy doing without him.

 

I don't know how to advice you to do this other than encourage you to read about co dependency and see if it fits you. There are books you could read for encouragement.

 

Try meditation to help you feel more positive about re engaging with the things you enjoy.

[amaysngrace]

He’s draining you to the point where you have nothing left to give back to yourself.

 

I understand that you love him but try loving yourself more. Learn to say no and start being less available to him without feeling guilty about it.

 

Parallels...right?

 

Unless he’s filling back all that energy he’s zapping, which it doesn’t sound like he is, take time to do that for yourself by doing things that bring you joy.