Is there anyway of reversing rejection?

[ZA Dater]

A recent tragedy in my community has made me take stock of life and made me wonder if there is in fact anyway to reverse rejection?

 

Ladies when you reject a guy is that usually the final decision or have you sometimes given the person the benefit of the doubt?

 

Guys do you ever chase someone after being rejected? Of course everyone says "move on there are plenty of people", rather vague advice this.

 

I have spent quite a lot time evaluating myself and trying to work out why I face rejection so often and I have tried to understand the game more, this is largely academic research because there isn't anyone I can date at the moment.

 

Also I spent a bit of time looking at what makes a good impression and what doesn't, hardly universal because I have always tried to tailor my approach to the person sitting in front of me but perhaps one needs to adopt one approach?

[Gretchen12]

You can always reverse rejection. But you'd have to be different.

 

The rejection is not frivolous or random. So it's like auditioning for a part, say acting or playing an instrument for example. If you were rejected but you know you were not yourself, maybe you were too nervous or you had the flu, then you can ask for another chance and succeed. But if you were already at your best, then it's just not a fit. You can train and audition again in a year or two when you come back at a different skill level, a different person.

 

When I reject a guy it is never final unless he is dangerous or he was mean to me. There were men who wouldn't go away. They're quite confident and rather pushy. So yes if pushed I'd go out with the guy again, especially if he is funny. But like I said, the decision to reject was not random, there were reasons. And usually those reasons are still there.

[LauraXX]

I don't agree with Gretchen at all. Shows how different women are

 

When I reject a guy (because I have no romantic interest in him) - it's 100% final. There's no way to reverse that. Has never happened, will never happen. And that's not even a conscious decision. There were guys in my life that would have made great partners and sometimes I was quite mad at myself for not being able to just push a "romance" button and feel attracted to them.

Would have made my life much easier...

 

If you define "reversing" as giving somebody a chance to be friend instead of a romantic partner - that's a different story. I don't hold grudges and I'm (almost) always willing to stay in touch and be friends.

[ZA Dater]

When I reject a guy (because I have no romantic interest in him) - it's 100% final. There's no way to reverse that. Has never happened, will never happen. And that's not even a conscious decision. There were guys in my life that would have made great partners and sometimes I was quite mad at myself for not being able to just push a "romance" button and feel attracted to them.

Would have made my life much easier...

 

If you define "reversing" as giving somebody a chance to be friend instead of a romantic partner - that's a different story. I don't hold grudges and I'm (almost) always willing to stay in touch and be friends.

 

I think I am asking a bit of both, particularly the friends part because in the past I have had "I am not romantically interested but lets be friends" which never actually happens. Do ladies ever actually follow through or it just a way to sugar coat rejection.

 

At the moment I am just trying to understand whether "chasing" is really worth it or just best to cut ones losses and move on from something which was a nice prospect to nothing at all?

 

The issue with the friend part for me is the two times this did happen I just became a doormat, there was huge benefit for them but no benefit for me at all.

[ZA Dater]

You can always reverse rejection. But you'd have to be different.

 

 

When I reject a guy it is never final unless he is dangerous or he was mean to me. There were men who wouldn't go away. They're quite confident and rather pushy. So yes if pushed I'd go out with the guy again, especially if he is funny. But like I said, the decision to reject was not random, there were reasons. And usually those reasons are still there.

 

The problem is how "different" and different how? Its not like as a guy I can learn what I did wrong and then try do it different next time? A great example of this was the ONLY time I got close to getting laid, she was all over me, tipsy so I declined hoping I would see her again for date two. It never happened, should I have just parked my morals somewhere else and gone with it?

 

For years I have done the train and audition thing but when I invariably tried again with the same person it was still never a go so to speak or by the time I had trained to be what I thought was better they weren't single.

 

Just trying to understand where I have gone wrong and if I could have reversed those wrongs.

[Mysterio]

Rejection is based on what? Physical looks. Personality. Personal circumstances.

 

I got a Match.com match. She had three kids. I could not respond to her, because all the kids are under 18. I just feel like it can't really work. I at this stage of my life. Need a lot of tender loving care. I don't think a woman with three kids is really going to work well. There is way too much interferance. I also say to myself. What happened with their father to the point where you are not with him and your not widowed.

 

I see myself as the boyishly handsome gent. That is soulful. I am a Black 5'9 fit shaped fellow. I see myself with a woman that is lowkey, but sweet and chill. She likes me and we are together. No Rejection from either party and we gel.

 

So getting back to rejection. I guess it has to be physical. What else is it going to be.

[ZA Dater]

So getting back to rejection. I guess it has to be physical. What else is it going to be.

 

I'd love to hear opinions from ladies on this. I am inclined to agree with you...

 

Cynically and coldly I just think its because a hotter guy is a right swipe away so ladies can be more picky so reject far faster.

[basil67]

 

So getting back to rejection. I guess it has to be physical. What else is it going to be.

 

Mysterio, you just wrote about rejecting a woman because she had kids. Then you say that you guess rejection is physical. Did I miss something?

[elaine567]

Cynically and coldly I just think its because a hotter guy is a right swipe away so ladies can be more picky so reject far faster.

 

Could be anything. If it was purely physical they would not agree to go on the date in the first place.

Another poster on another thread was saying the women he meets he thinks have compatibility check lists. One wrong answer to a key question, or a conflicting viewpoint expressed and the whole date takes on a different complexion.

Happy smiling one minute to cold and stern the next.

The "not compatible" box gets ticked and it is all over.

[ZA Dater]

Happy smiling one minute to cold and stern the next.

The "not compatible" box gets ticked and it is all over.

 

My thinking is similar. Its simply because women get dates easily, or much easier than the equivalent guy, they can thus be more picky.

 

Should I even bother trying to win someone over, way I look at it the risk of looking stupid are very high and when I look at the competition I am even less inclined to do so.

 

Is there anything vaguely appealing ladies about a guy who tries to win you over, lets assume you are athletic and pretty and have the pick of most guys.

[Inflikted]

I'd imagine it's highly situational. Certainly, I'm sure people have gotten together after previously having one person reject the other, as things can change.

 

The way I see it, though, is that that's really not super common. The only circumstance I could see it happening is is after some time apart between the rejection, and the person who was rejected changes in such a way that strikes a chord with the original rejector. But again, highly situational, and probably not super common.

 

Several years ago, I continued pining for a girl that had rejected me, and it was just stupid of me. Not even just because I should have "moved on", but because it was silly and naive and childish to think that I could win her over yet. All I ended up doing was coming off as annoying and obnoxious when she really wanted space from me, and I just made her kinda hate me. So, not really a great idea.

[NuevoYorko]

Perhaps, if the second time you've evolved to embody all the qualities that she's looking for in a man - which evidently you didn't exhibit the first time.

[preraph]

It's final. You thinking it's not is just you not respecting that women have operative brains. There's just no reason for one to put up with someone they aren't interested in for whatever reason.

[spiritedaway2003]

When I reject a guy (because I have no romantic interest in him) - it's 100% final. There's no way to reverse that. Has never happened, will never happen.

 

^^^ same here. I've tried once - it didn't work.

 

I think it applies from a relationship standpoint too: Two people could be romantically interested (so they get into a relationship). Once someone "decides" to leave, no amount of begging will get the other person to come back.

[TheFinalWord]

If there was never any emotional connection and you mean just some random woman you asked out? If she rejected you, there is probably no real chance. If she gave you her real number, what you can do is try to contact her one last time, maybe a week later. But after that, don't try again. Sometimes women test and if you let it go after two attempts and don't chase, you'd be surprised how many times they will come after you!

 

But the reality is, there is no way to avoid rejection. That's why women don't ask men out lol Generally speaking, they don't have the courage we men generally have, despite all this feminist talk. To put your self out there and risk a person rejecting you. It takes courage. You have to learn not take it personally. Even the best looking guy on the planet, will only be attractive to at most 80% of women. There is no man that 100% of women will find physically attractive. To reduce risk of rejection, you can look for signals from her that she finds you attractive, but that's about it. You can also max yourself out. What that means is to have your life together. This is generally why men fare better with age. If you have your career, finances in order, and also are in good shape, dress well, and have improved your looks as best as you can, you will likely attract more women. Most men put little to no thought into their looks. So if you dress a little better, have a nice hair cut, put some effort into your morning routine, get in better shape (even that doesn't take much in our obese culture; just drop the gut and you'll be doing better than 60% of men). In today's modern dating world, get ready for a lot of ghosting, especially if you're using OLD.

 

You mean, can you get an ex back? It happens all the time.

 

BUT, it has to be the idea of the person that rejected you.

 

If you were the one that was dumped, you must go no contact. Do not chase her at all. If there was an emotional bond there, they may give it a second consideration. After a break up, the person that did the breaking up goes through a relief period. It was tough for them to do if they cared about you. During this period, the person that was dumped usually begs and pleas. This is the worst time to do this as the other person is going through the relief period. Plus, if they decide to try again, they are going to remember HOW you handled the break up. If it is was a nightmare and you wouldn't go away, they are going to think to themselves, if it doesn't work out the second time, do I want to go through that again?

 

However, if you give them the break up and do not chase, the relief period will end and over time, the bad things you did will become less pronounced. It's just human nature. Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say.

 

During this period, again, you must remember, they have to come to you. The rekindling has to be their idea. You must hold back from contacting them. They have to sit with the decision that they may lose you and it was at their own hand. If they have any feelings for you, they won't risk losing you, providing you gave them the break up. If they don't reach back out, they never had strong enough emotional bond to you, and it would not have worked out in the long run. You have to tell yourself, do you want to be with someone that doesn't want you? If you have self-love, you should say no way, I'm a catch, and deserve the best.

 

Speaking to that point, during the no contact period, you must work on yourself. Figure out what flaw was there for them to dump you. Fix it so that if you do get another chance, you don't end right back to breaking up again. Improve your physical, mental, and spiritual self. Get in the gym to reduce stress and anxiety. If you have an anger problem for example, take an anger management course. Whatever it is for you, work on those areas.

[The Outlaw]

If I'm rejected, it's done. Finished. Kaput. There will be no chasing the day after, nor the next. I'm more than capable of taking a hint. But if the shoe were on the other foot, it'd be final.

[ZA Dater]

If I'm rejected, it's done. Finished. Kaput. There will be no chasing the day after, nor the next. I'm more than capable of taking a hint. But if the shoe were on the other foot, it'd be final.

 

 

 

I am assuming based on this you have a lot of dating options?

[The Outlaw]

Possibly, but I'm happily single. I've been out of the game for five years this past July.

[Gretchen12]

The problem is how "different" and different how?

 

Just trying to understand where I have gone wrong and if I could have reversed those wrongs.

 

Different as in not appearing as the same person you were before. Let's say she did not feel attracted to you, no chemistry. Then you changed your looks, your mindset, your hobbies, your lifestyle, your job, your body shape, chemistry. She sees you again and now she finds something attractive about you. Then there's a chance for it to work out.

 

Sometimes the change isn't even that drastic. Different haircut, new style of clothing, new confidence. She may decide maybe there's more to you than she realized. How much can we really know someone in one date?

 

I dated a man for 11 years and I never knew he had artistic abilities. (Maybe he didn't know either). We broke up and he took up Chinese brush painting. And he became really good! This was a guy I'd always known as a southern Nascar racing type guy who was rough around the edges.

 

I believe people are full of potentials so I tend to think "why not" and not write people off. However, to answer your last question, I don't think it's what you do, it's who you are. Men like to think they can control dating outcome by making the right moves from a playbook. I don't think so. But everyone continues to grow and you can bring out different aspects of yourself.

[Foxhall]

In my personal experience, once a woman rejected me I could never get them to change their opinion, although I might in a couple of cases maintained friendships with them,

 

if a woman is interested she will let you know that- and Ive tended to follow that in recent times- as opposed to chasing rainbows as it were,

 

instances where rejection is reversed- well an example of this - a prominent figure in our media here- he approached a lady twice at functions and got rejected out of hand,

 

however she did not know at that point who he was or how much he earned per year,

when she subsequently discovered this, they were married a few months later:)

[basil67]

Is there anything vaguely appealing ladies about a guy who tries to win you over, lets assume you are athletic and pretty and have the pick of most guys.

 

Reading online, there are some women who do want to be chased. But not me back in the day. If I have already said No, then I would find his ongoing chasing to be enormously disrespectful and he'd only be doing further damage to his cause.

[TheFinalWord]

Reading online, there are some women who do want to be chased. But not me back in the day. If I have already said No, then I would find his ongoing chasing to be enormously disrespectful and he'd only be doing further damage to his cause.

 

Agree.

 

You should not chase. It's not only disrespectful to her, it's disrespectful to yourself.

 

For one, when you do so, you put her on a pedestal. If you do that, you are telling her, she's better than you. You can't view her as better than you because you won't be coming at the relationship in a balanced way.

 

It's most men's natural instinct to over pursue. This is a major mistake. When it comes to getting a woman that rejected you back, most of your instincts are counter-productive.

 

Just look at all the thirsty men that comment on women's social media about how beautiful she is, etc. Does she end up wanting any of those men? No.

 

If you treat her like a celebrity, she will treat you like a fan.

 

Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. If she doesn't know for sure that she has you, she'll be more attracted to you. If she knows she can have you any time she wants, she will continue exploring her options and put you on back up. This doesn't mean you should play games, but you should be clear through your actions that you don't see her as better than you, or that you so lucky to get a date with her. She should feel just as lucky as you! If not more so. If you perceive yourself as a catch, you will have a take it or leave it attitude. Your actions need to show, you'd be happy to have her. But you're happiness is not contingent on that. You'll be just as happy without her. She's icing on the cake of your incredible life and there are many other women that would be just as happy to be that icing.

 

If she gives you signals she's attracted, ask her out. If she says no, don't chase. If she dumped you, it's even more important you don't chase. This person in essence said that you aren't good enough for them. If you have confidence, which women find attractive, are you going to chase someone that indirectly said you aren't good enough for them? They need to be the ones to second guess their decision. If you chase, they won't do that. If you let them have the break up, improve yourself, and they have had time to think about everything, they may second guess their decision.

Edited August 19, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[alphamale]

If I'm rejected, it's done. Finished. Kaput. There will be no chasing the day after, nor the next. I'm more than capable of taking a hint. But if the shoe were on the other foot, it'd be final.

 

^^^^this

[HiCrunchy]

Sometimes there is.

 

I have a lot of guy friends (and female friends too but that doesn't matter).

Usually, the guy friend, I notice, does get feelings for me after being my friend for a while. Doesn't matter if he is single or not...But yeah it happens.

 

Usually, for all these friends, I wasn't initially physically attracted to them. For some of them, as I got to know them that physical attraction changed (tho not for all). But in the end I didn't end up pursuing any of these men because either they were in a relationship or logistical reasons like distance. Sometimes, I didn't want to ruin the friendship with any romance, even if I did want them physically eventually. Tho, if I am honest, had I made the moves, I think most of them would have at least slept with me if had asked. Tho, these men (except 2) are my friends till this day.

 

I think my initial rejection did change. But when it comes to strangers or individuals I did not know well, if I wasn't initially attracted to you my rejection did not change. Ever.

[ZA Dater]

Different as in not appearing as the same person you were before. Let's say she did not feel attracted to you, no chemistry. Then you changed your looks, your mindset, your hobbies, your lifestyle, your job, your body shape, chemistry. She sees you again and now she finds something attractive about you. Then there's a chance for it to work out.

 

Sometimes the change isn't even that drastic. Different haircut, new style of clothing, new confidence. She may decide maybe there's more to you than she realized. How much can we really know someone in one date?

 

 

Here is a question, do you ever actually convey what you are looking for when you go on a date? My problem is I am continually having to second guess what these people actually want so its a bit like cooking but simply throwing all the ingredients in and hoping the result is good.

 

Tinder is a big problem, in fact all OLD is because I never know what these people want, (FYI I have never dated not using OLD).

 

It would be good to go on a date with a clear objective, mine is usually to get to date 2.

 

Do you think the ability to reverse a rejection also depends on how marketable the other person is? Someone pretty with lots of options wont likely change there mind whereas someone who doesn't have many options might?