Is there anyway of reversing rejection?

[NuevoYorko]

You created fictional ladies' profiles on Tinder?

Where did you get the photos?

[ZA Dater]

You created fictional ladies' profiles on Tinder?

Where did you get the photos?

 

Didn't use any pictures.

[Envy123]

It's difficult to put oneself in a very good light in online dating. Offline, I'm witty and so full of life - but showing that through a description does not do my personality justice. And the only type of photos that could describe me to some extent without lying, would give the (IMO) pretentious "look at me, I travel a lot, I have lots of money to blow!" sort of vibe I get from some Instagram users.

[Foxhall]

Why are you rejecting the single moms,

 

there could be the odd cracker or two in that niche,

 

I met a lady unexpectedly recently and Id put her as one of the best Ive ever met and she is a single Mom,

 

its possible that they may be a bit more reflective, mature and drawn towards the qualities you have to offer.

[chillii]

It's difficult to put oneself in a very good light in online dating. Offline, I'm witty and so full of life - but showing that through a description does not do my personality justice. And the only type of photos that could describe me to some extent without lying, would give the (IMO) pretentious "look at me, I travel a lot, I have lots of money to blow!" sort of vibe I get from some Instagram users.

 

 

 

 

Yeah it is hard. l remember feeling like every word l wrote would be misconstrued and twisted.

[ZA Dater]

Why are you rejecting the single moms,

 

 

Simply because I have yet to meet one in good shape and more importantly I have yet to meet one that doesn't carry a mountain of baggage around.

 

I think ultimately Chilli is right, whatever one says will be construed in the negative. Largely because its VERY easy for women to get gets, I'd wager far easier than it is for the majority of guys.

 

For the most part I always believe I could try and win people over hence a lot of the people I chased, some for a long period of time but ultimately got nowhere, probably because for the most part I had no idea how to win someone over and I still have no idea.

 

My experience has been women reject more now with the likes of Tinder than ever before because, well the choice is right there. She doesn't have to go out, simply put a bikini picture and assuming she is in decent shape the matches will roll in like waves onto a beach.

 

Ultimately a large part of me thinks IF one was the right sort of person you could win people around from a rejection BUT if you were another sort of person you wouldn't get rejected to begin with. It seems to me the only thing that matters to women on OLD are look, for YEARS I subscribed to the "personality matters", I don't anymore because women don't seem to value that so why should I? For me now its about matching with the fitness best looking person I can, as it appears to be the case with women.

 

I have been on OLD a long time and I can honestly say I dot think ANY of the matches I got were based on looks, maybe ONE was because I am going to be blunt, the obese people who seem to love me, what goes through their mind? Do they really think I would be interested? Do they really I think I am going to find them attractive?

 

I spend a lot of time trying to look good and working out so why would I be interested in someone like that?

 

Elaine loves to say "like matches with like" but I am not so sure about that, at least on a physical level, which ostensibly is the only aspect to OLD.

[Gretchen12]

It's looks. That's why profiles without photos get very little response. Do you even click on those? When you posed as a woman but with no photo, you probably got few messages. You'll still get some, asking for photos.

 

But we were talking about you getting a second date. You got the first date by your looks. That seems to work for you. Do you think maybe you don't look like your photos that's why no second date? Until you find out what's turning people off, you'll keep feeling frustrated.

[ZA Dater]

But we were talking about you getting a second date. You got the first date by your looks. That seems to work for you. Do you think maybe you don't look like your photos that's why no second date? Until you find out what's turning people off, you'll keep feeling frustrated.

 

Yes I guess it is looks, what I tend to do with Tinder is use the premium features and then use boosts to get matches, unfortunately NEVER do I match with people I find attractive so its VERY rare I get dates with people I find attractive, I will confess to say I used heavily photo edited pictures and then did get dates but again it wasn't light and day different. Outright fake photo's sure those get lots of much better responses but if anything simply re iterate the complete fake nature of the process. Heavily edited photos got me some decent matches, some decent conversation but it would never work to meet these people.

 

The only feedback I have ever gotten was "you need to find experience and evolve", whatever that is supposed to mean. That same person offered to "teach me" but when I tried to take up that offer well, I got ghosted so again it was complete insincerity.

 

Everyday I tell people to feel better about themselves, rise above their challenges but I don't believe in my own ability to get anywhere with dating, unless I can magically turn rejections around somehow but I don't get much opportunity to do that if people have endless choice.

 

I only ask this because the last date I had was a really nice one and I'd be inclined to try win her over, granted I tried and as usual got completely ignored.

 

My question you is this, how do I feel better about being rejected all the time, what is the believable positive spin here? Its becoming ever more difficult to spin the "haven't really found anyone" to family and people I come across when I have never had anyone. How do I feel better about this?

[Normm]

The reality is almost all ladies on OLD are like this, if you are slim and nice enough looking they can take their pick. Guys, well its impossible unless you are super rich or super good looking, otherwise its really tough to hold onto those sort of ladies.

 

ZA you have a rather egocentric and narrowminded -and incorrect- view of dating based on your own very negative experiences.

 

I'm in a relationship 8 years now (we met online) so I haven't dated in quite some time. But when I did..

 

I consider myself decent looking, nothing spectacular but ok, I've got a good build, 6'1, and yes I make good money but I don't make my profile about that because I don't want to attract the wrong women for the wrong reasons.

 

I've always done ok, almost always had a few dates lined up for each weekend, and if I wanted to see her for more dates she was almost always into it, with the exception of maybe 2 that I can recall- REAL hotties who no doubt had choices up the wazoo so why settle for less than perfection?

 

I've always dated at least 8's through 10s, some real head turners.

 

So in summary, rarely was I rejected, I had plenty of dating options almost every week, and was mostly in control of who I would see again. And there

s nothing all that special about me.

[ZA Dater]

ZA you have a rather egocentric and narrowminded -and incorrect- view of dating based on your own very negative experiences.

 

I'm in a relationship 8 years now (we met online) so I haven't dated in quite some time. But when I did..

 

So in summary, rarely was I rejected, I had plenty of dating options almost every week, and was mostly in control of who I would see again. And there

s nothing all that special about me.

 

With respect and I do actually mean this, you probably do have an outgoing charming personality. Which is a huge asset.

 

All I really have is some niceness but little else, maybe I am intense but mostly I never really have enough, that's what I feel anyway.

 

What hurts me about this last rejection was she was very similar to me in many respects so if that wouldn't work then I believe my chances with anyone else are zero.

[chillii]

Unfortunately that can happen to though. Sometimes you meet someone that is like minded and so similar in all these other ways and it seems like it'd be a no brainer for both of you.

But , sadly one or the other still doesn't see it that way and it goes nowhere.

[Gretchen12]

The only feedback I have ever gotten was "you need to find experience and evolve", whatever that is supposed to mean.

 

Evolve?? What does that mean?! Like you're a neanderthal?

 

First forget the photo editing. Do your dates have a good time? Are you funny? Can you be funny? I went out with a guy who's pretty average looking, bald and paunchy, but he's hilarious and that's attractive.

 

Humor is just one example. The point is does your date enjoy being with you? If she does, she'll be back for more. If not, there's no reason to be together, right?

[basil67]

Everyday I tell people to feel better about themselves, rise above their challenges

 

You've written about this before. Being that it's a daily event, it's a very unusual behaviour. What is it that people do which makes you think they feel bad about themselves and can't rise above their challenges?

[basil67]

Ok so ladies must enjoy themselves, I can count on two fingers how many ladies tried to make ME enjoy a date...

 

Dating doesn't work like this. If there's a mutual connection, then both parties WILL enjoy the date without any effort whatsoever.

[ZA Dater]

First forget the photo editing. Do your dates have a good time? Are you funny? Can you be funny?

 

Humor is just one example. The point is does your date enjoy being with you? If she does, she'll be back for more. If not, there's no reason to be together, right?

 

No idea if they enjoy the dates or not. Some laugh, some smile but I really can't tell. Some like the last one said they did but mostly it's an insincere bs comment because I genuinely don't believe most of the women I have met are honest.

 

Nope I don't have much humour so that doesn't work too well. I try and rather use other qualities to woo them but clearly it doesn't work.

[elaine567]

Single Moms

its possible that they may be a bit more reflective, mature and drawn towards the qualities you have to offer.

 

I agree. ZA Dater does perhaps have a bit of a "provider" vibe about him.

More serious, mature, reliable, nice, pragmatic, conscientious... = husband and father type material.

BUT kids and "baggage" and "I have yet to meet one in good shape" are "dealbreakers" so they are a no-go.

[mr_ybor]

I agree. ZA Dater does perhaps have a bit of a "provider" vibe about him. More serious, mature, reliable, nice, pragmatic, conscientious... = husband and father type material..

 

 

For sure. For HIS kids. Not someone else's.

[elaine567]

For sure. For HIS kids. Not someone else's.

 

I don't disagree. Taking on someone else's kids is not easy and for single people it is often no bad thing that they will swerve the responsibility.

Then there is also the ex to deal with...

Plenty single people will not date divorcees and parents, or anyone with sizeable baggage, he is not alone.

 

I was merely agreeing with Foxhall that maybe there may be more of a match personality/sociability/lifestyle wise with a single Mom, than the single women he is meeting.

[mr_ybor]

I don't disagree. Taking on someone else's kids is not easy and for single people it is often no bad thing that they will swerve the responsibility.

Then there is also the ex to deal with...

Plenty single people will not date divorcees and parents, or anyone with sizeable baggage, he is not alone.

 

I was merely agreeing with Foxhall that maybe there may be more of a match personality/sociability/lifestyle wise with a single Mom, than the single women he is meeting.

 

My best bud is a single dad (and an awesome person) and he's been as dateless for as long as my loser ass has been (with no kids myself), over the last six+ years, really LOOKING for a woman in a similar sitch as himself: An employed, educated single mom. That's it. Nothing more.

 

What the ever living **** is wrong with online dating that it won't match us up with like-for-like?! He can't find ****, and I'm inundated with Christian conservative single moms from the suburbs. Utterly disgusting to me, more the Christian, conservative, and suburb parts faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar more than the single mom thing.... but yeah I digress ... why don't you get me Ok Cupid?!

 

****. Figure this out, *******s.

 

I'm so tired of this ****. I'm sure O.P. is too.

 

 

 

As men, we're all tired of the bull**** that goes along with this nonsense. ****ing. Exhausted. Know that.

Edited August 24, 2019 by mr_ybor

[chillii]

Jesus you'd think he'd be able to find a single mum alright there's so many of them around, no matter where you live l'm sure.

Your probably relying too much on old, you too za.

Back in the day anyone had bf's and gf's , no of the bs all over the net mattered ,

Even my druggo jobless penniless car less almost homeless brother always had gf's, wound up marrying some american chick actually and she moved over here , a bloody chiropractor would you believe, perfect match haha.

Mind you , she wasn't much to look at.

 

Anyway , l think it's an online thing, and maybe just a forum thing , maybe people don't have a normal life and friends and hobbies pubs and party anymore, that's how we use to meet.

All sitten round relying on the online crap and left wondering wth is wrong with them.

Edited August 24, 2019 by chillii

[NuevoYorko]

OP doesn't need to date single moms. I'm sure there are plenty of childless women who would give him a chance.

 

There are a lot of personality traits that are displayed in these redundant threads (including the fact that there are dozens of identical threads) that are not appealing and, with some self awareness and humility, could be improved upon. Unfortunately the OP is attached to the idea that he is having these problems because of the foibles of all the rest of humankind.

 

OP. When my daughter was a kid and went on about this and that problem that kept happening to her, our go-to response was "what's the common denominator in all these situations?" Now that I think about it, my parents said the same thing.

[ZA Dater]

 

OP. When my daughter was a kid and went on about this and that problem that kept happening to her, our go-to response was "what's the common denominator

 

Well look I tried various different ways of doing things hence wondering if mistakes if you can call them that are recoverable.

 

Good case in point I one again get matched with obese people abs single mom's? Why I have now made it clear in my bio I don't want either.

[MetallicHue]

Well look I tried various different ways of doing things hence wondering if mistakes if you can call them that are recoverable.

 

Good case in point I one again get matched with obese people abs single mom's? Why I have now made it clear in my bio I don't want either.

 

If online dating is going that bad for you then just stop. Try real life. People have been doing it for years. It seems to not be worth the stress. Try a more go with the flow approach and maybe the right opportunity will happen to come along.

[ZA Dater]

Try real life. People have been doing it for years. It seems to not be worth the stress. Try a more go with the flow approach and maybe the right opportunity will happen to come along.

 

I wouldn't know where to start. Just irritated because I have had perhaps 3 dates with people I do really like but could never really make anything of those dates and yes I did try. Sometimes I go on dates and I know I have lost within in 5 minutes, none of those dates were like that.

 

The truth is simple: they simply don't want me, no date barring one where when the date was pretty drunk, actually showed any physical interest in me. In my own mind that's the rejection right there so its a case of how to reverse that, sure I could through basic economics at it but what will that really do. All I want is another date with her, heck a coffee would suffice because most of my dates I really enjoyed talking to her.

 

Sure I can go sit at a bar and drink water but again what will I accomplish there, its not like I will get approach and unfortunately I have zero confidence at dating so I cant approach anyone either.

 

All I want is to be wanted by someone I want.

[jspice]

So stop matching with them! On tinder you both have to swipe right so why are you saying yes to them?

 

The way you feel about these offensive single mums and obese people is how people feel about your personality. You don’t know how they could even have the nerve to think you’d date them. They’re probably “nice “ people too. They’re caring. They work hard, even though it might not stand up to your rigorous scrutiny. So to answer your question, no you can’t turn your rejection around because your fundamental flaws don’t change.

 

You don’t have to date people you are not attracted to but stop matching with them and then judging them for doing what you did, swiping right ( or whichever direction means. “Yes”)

 

I’m exactly the kind of woman you’re looking for, just ten years older. I’m interested in world affairs. I travel. I’m well- read. I have two advanced degrees. I don’t drink or go to clubs because it’s not my scene. I did go a few times if my friends and I felt like it. I’ll have champagne for toasts but it gives me headaches and I don’t enjoy being around drunk people. I’m funny and can be quite charming ( if I could toot my own horn for a bit).

Ten years ago I wouldn’t date you because you’re judgemental and rigid, you don’t bring a sense of humour, you wouldn’t fit in with my friends and I’d probably constantly have to explain your behaviour towards the situation or to towards some of them. While they all have great jobs and are pretty well-educated too ( MBChB, MBA, M. Ed, LLB, etc) we don’t sit around discussing the crisis in the Middle East, Brexit, or South Africa ‘s junk status every single time.

 

Unless and until you make a concerted effort to lighten up a bit, you can’t turn a rejection around.