Is there anyway of reversing rejection?

[ZA Dater]

 

Unless and until you make a concerted effort to lighten up a bit, you can’t turn a rejection around.

 

So I'll turn this around, how's rejection working for you? Had much of it lately? Your success to rejection ratio, perhaps 3, 4 to one rejection?

 

Clearly you haven't used Tinder, I am not doing anything, all I am doing is boosting my profile and people match with me. These are the matches I am getting, I am not picking these people, they are picking me.

 

When I do the matching, nobody I like ever likes me.

 

I am called judgemental, yet the very act of rejecting someone after one date is the most brutal act of judgement. Doesn't compute.

 

You right I don't bring a sense of humour but I also don't go partying with my friends either and come home falling about drunk, clearly women prefer the later to some extent.

 

No, I don't fit in with people, no surprise there but when I am on a date with someone who doesn't either then I think I am on a pretty good wicket, yet rejection, yip it comes thick and fast even in the most likely chance of success situation it STILL doesn't work.

 

You can throw any judgement about me, I frankly do not care. I am not stupid, trying to match with miss party wont ever work for me so I don't bother BUT I do sometimes wonder what that would be like as an experience. When I go on dates its because I want to see if there is potential for date 5, I want to see how the person would integrate into my life and me into theirs, MOSTLY this is where I completely loose interest because its just impossible. HOWEVER this time it would have worked, there was enough common ground.

 

BUT 'I am sure your bed is very comfortable" is a text I get two days before the date I do wonder, what did I do so wrong, was I looking for the wrong thing, did I not see the obvious, what was it? Why did "lets be friends" never happen.

 

That's the problem with rejection, the guy never ever knows WHY. Eventually the guy becomes bitter and cynical and this is apparently his fault, why is that? Why is it there are many people like me wondering about rejection? You cannot tell me they are all completely fundamentally flawed to the point they never find mutual attraction?

 

Nor can you tell me each must accept something lesser?

 

Why aren't women honest? Its nonsense they fear for their safety, just send a text, men aren't monsters, I'd respect a women hugely who simply told me "you are ugly", "I don't like your voice" because at least I'd then known why and then find some sort of closure. So yes men like me wonder through life never getting any better, never getting any worse but mostly just getting rejected over and over by all powerful women, who simply move onto the next match.

 

I bet you I can create and OLD profile of the most average looking women and she would get plenty of matches, whereas the average guy would get none.

 

Humour, I am honesty tired of reading "oh you must be funny" sure I am in a dry way but "oh you cant be funny like that because people wont understand", ok so I get rejected for the frankly trivial fact of humour but the apathetic humorous guy doesn't? Ok so EVERYTHING is overlooked by humour?

 

I would love women to actually tell me what they want, I asked this same lady on the date, what her ideal guy was, guess what she couldn't answer. Yet I get rejected?

 

Men seemingly are expected to tip toe around lest we "make a mistake or say the wrong thing", why is this?

 

I once had a date with a Croatian lady, rejected, why: "you aren't confident". Men are often accused of being fickle and pathetic "a is too small she needs c" but honestly are women any different?

 

Ask yourself this, are continually rejected men supposed to sit and get rejected over and over again? I have done lots of different things none worked, spent hours reading, most of it irrelevant. I have NEVER EVER come across a women who is continually rejected.

 

Ok lets suppose (I am not going to) I did the following

 

1:msgd them and asked them if they wanted to have coffee

2: got no response

3: "well clearly you are busy or not interested, if its the latter, simply just tell me why and I'll be gone".

 

Sorry but my view is dating is one where for all the want of women for a domineering guy, they don't want that, they want a puppy dog they can command to jump for their every whim. Domineering men make me feel sick, why because almost always its like a book with a fantastic cover but the pages between the covers are blank, there is usually nothing to these men, they go out and play, different women each week and all is good, so women then become jaded (understandable) so when a not domineering nice guy arrives, well he has no chance because as much as women complain about players MOST seem to adore them, adore the attention, adore the fact when they are with them they know they have beaten other girls.

 

Nobody of course will agree with any of this but then again what do I know, I am just the cynical guy who has now been rejected one too many times.

Edited August 24, 2019 by ZA Dater

[Normm]

I am called judgemental, yet the very act of rejecting someone after one date is the most brutal act of judgement. Doesn't compute.

 

 

So it's ok if you're the one rejecting a woman after one date?

 

 

I simply don't have the time of the patience to sit through a coffee or a dinner when I can see there is no real potential at all

 

 

Just double checking here. It's only brutally judgemental when it's done TO you, not BYyou. Is that about right?

[jspice]

I don’t use Tinder. I downloaded it and exchanged messages with some people and ultimately found that I wasn’t interested in getting to know them. In fact, I have stopped using online dating platforms altogether. The quality of people there is abysmal. I stopped trying to find a needle in a haystack.

 

Your judgemental side emerges not when you decide you don’t want to date them. It’s when you condescendingly spew venom as you question how they dare think that YOU would ever want to date them.

 

One woman told you she didn’t want to date you because you lack confidence. You don’t accept it.

How would it be better if each woman told you why they didn’t want to date you? You’re already complaining about women’s pickiness.

 

Sorry but you have attempted to show your humour here. You aren’t funny, and yes, it’s important. We’re not going to sit around laughing all day like a couple of idiots but I want to come home to someone who doesn’t constantly have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

 

Nobody has told you to settle. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Your choices are:

1: acknowledge you’re doing yourself a disservice by sticking to Tinder. Get the hell of it. Make a serious attempt to change your thought patterns.

 

2: stay on Tinder and continue as you are right now, but then you don’t get to complain about your rejection.

[chillii]

So stop matching with them! On tinder you both have to swipe right so why are you saying yes to them?

 

The way you feel about these offensive single mums and obese people is how people feel about your personality. You don’t know how they could even have the nerve to think you’d date them. They’re probably “nice “ people too. They’re caring. They work hard, even though it might not stand up to your rigorous scrutiny. So to answer your question, no you can’t turn your rejection around because your fundamental flaws don’t change.

 

You don’t have to date people you are not attracted to but stop matching with them and then judging them for doing what you did, swiping right ( or whichever direction means. “Yes”)

 

I’m exactly the kind of woman you’re looking for, just ten years older. I’m interested in world affairs. I travel. I’m well- read. I have two advanced degrees. I don’t drink or go to clubs because it’s not my scene. I did go a few times if my friends and I felt like it. I’ll have champagne for toasts but it gives me headaches and I don’t enjoy being around drunk people. I’m funny and can be quite charming ( if I could toot my own horn for a bit).

Ten years ago I wouldn’t date you because you’re judgemental and rigid, you don’t bring a sense of humour, you wouldn’t fit in with my friends and I’d probably constantly have to explain your behaviour towards the situation or to towards some of them. While they all have great jobs and are pretty well-educated too ( MBChB, MBA, M. Ed, LLB, etc) we don’t sit around discussing the crisis in the Middle East, Brexit, or South Africa ‘s junk status every single time.

 

Unless and until you make a concerted effort to lighten up a bit, you can’t turn a rejection around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah l'd agree. l come from a highly educated family , never guess right haha. Business and things average families would never be around . But I don't like things constantly heavy though l grew up with that and l purposely write the way l do and keep myself grounded and light in life too, l prefer life that way.

Thing is , most of them are like that too . 6 sisters with a list of quals that'd make mosts head spin yet they love just chit chatting about anything , every day stuff , life , having a laugh.

And this is often why very well to do men like a warm light hearted women not only do the make beautiful companions but they're fun and light and often have fantastic personalities and help take him away from all the heavy stuff.

You might find za when you do meet like minded , that they don't wanna feel all heavy and serious especially when you first meet.

You might find they really appreciate some lightheartedness l know my sisters love it. So did my dad who was some kinda genius yet you'd hear him raw in laughter all the time.

 

As far as women that like you on date sites and stuff, they may not be your thing. But eh, at least they like you and it's kinda nice if you look at it the right way, you don't have to like them back but at least take something good from it. So l agree with others that your being as hard on them as the people you like are being on you, where as at least appreciating it because your going through the same thing , might give you a bit of feel good.

The single mum stuff l refereed to earlier was only replying to the part in ybor's post about his friend, there's nothing wrong with you not wanting a single mum.

 

Anyway , you have met a few good women on the app your using , never know, could just be a matter of time before one turns up and it's both ways but on the other hand yeah l also agree that life might work better for you than those things, and for a lot of others round here too.

Doesn't have to mean bars and clubs, just do some living too, that's how people use to meet.

[ZA Dater]

In fact, I have stopped using online dating platforms altogether.

 

 

One woman told you she didn’t want to date you because you lack confidence. You don’t accept it.

How would it be better if each woman told you why they didn’t want to date you? You’re already complaining about women’s pickiness.

 

Nobody has told you to settle. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Your choices are:

1: acknowledge you’re doing yourself a disservice by sticking to Tinder. Get the hell of it. Make a serious attempt to change your thought patterns.

 

2: stay on Tinder and continue as you are right now, but then you don’t get to complain about your rejection.

 

So rejection is exclusive to tinder? Where do you suggest I do looking for dates who wont reject me and who I might actually like?

 

Let them pull me to pieces, id be better off then because I wouldn't ever bother trying.

 

I get it women can be picky and reject men cannot. Cool got it.

[basil67]

I get it women can be picky and reject men cannot. Cool got it.

 

ZA, you reject women ALL.THE.TIME. You're quite the master at doing things which men apparently can't do.

 

Anyway, rejection straight up is common on all online dating platforms. Just as you reject based on weight or being a mother, women reject for their own reasons too. You are doing exactly the same thing as the women you complain about.

[chillii]

Exactly , ironically .

PS, Speaking of roaring , l think a few 100 people have pointed that out za and you might not like being on the receiving end but it's all one and the same .

Edited August 25, 2019 by chillii

[ZA Dater]

ZA, you reject women ALL.THE.TIME. You're quite the master at doing things which men apparently can't do.

 

Anyway, rejection straight up is common on all online dating platforms. Just as you reject based on weight or being a mother, women reject for their own reasons too. You are doing exactly the same thing as the women you complain about.

 

There is a big difference. I don't go on dates with people, I simply reject the idea before even going on a date. I am also candidly honest with people who match with me and with whom I am not interested. Sure, I do use tact.

 

Yes that's harsh but its also the truth.

 

So tell me is rejection any less prevalent in bars and club? Probably not because alcohol is involved and judgement is impaired.

[ZA Dater]

But I don't like things constantly heavy though l grew up with that and l purposely write the way l do and keep myself grounded and light in life too, l prefer life that way.

 

You might find za when you do meet like minded , that they don't wanna feel all heavy and serious especially when you first meet.

You might find they really appreciate some lightheartedness.

 

But eh, at least they like you and it's kinda nice if you look at it the right way, you don't have to like them back but at least take something good from it. So l agree with others that your being as hard on them as the people you like are being on you, where as at least appreciating it because your going through the same thing , might give you a bit of feel good.

 

 

 

just do some living too, that's how people use to meet.

 

Who said I wasn't light hearted on dates? I am quite capable of laughing at myself.

 

Where I disagree, there is NOTHING nice about being liked by people I don't find attractive, in fact it remains on the most irritating things I have deal with. The effect is the exact opposite of feel good.

 

I definitely do living just not the same way everyone else seems to, I can tell you blasting over a mountain pass in a Ferrari is more thrilling than any date I have ever been on. The feeling of adrenaline and connectedness is amazing. Try explain this feeling to a date and well, I gave up trying long time ago.

 

Likewise making that difficult corporate transaction happen, again more exciting than most dates. Largely irrelevant on dates to even bother going into this.

 

Explain the thrill of body surfing that large wave which I perhaps shouldn't take on, feeling the power of the sea, being thrown around like a rag doll, again irrelevant to most dates.

 

Talk about travel and obscure places I want to go to, again irrelevant.

 

Perhaps rejection is inevitable no matter what I do but it would be nice to know why. Equally it would be nice to try turn one rejection into a win.

[elaine567]

The women who are not interested in the Ferrari on a mountain pass, the big corporate deal or surfing a huge wave cannot relate to the experience.

It means nothing to them.

They would probably be petrified, so not something they want to try either.

 

So instead of a connection made there is a disconnect.

Most want to see a place where they can fit into your life, if they can't see a place, then they are going to "pass".

[jspice]

I get it women can be picky and reject men cannot. Cool got it.

 

Your sarcasm is wasted here, buddy. Nowhere did I say men can’t reject anyone. You’ve received thousands of responses, thousands of ideas, but you reject them all.

[Libby1]

A recent tragedy in my community has made me take stock of life and made me wonder if there is in fact anyway to reverse rejection?

 

Ladies when you reject a guy is that usually the final decision or have you sometimes given the person the benefit of the doubt?

 

There are times I've rejected a guy because he was just too full on too soon, and it scared me off. Or else I got a sense that the guy wasn't being himself - or was maybe trying some stupid pick-up strategy. Then after I've had time and space to think about it, I've thought "well, he was attractive enough and seemed like he was maybe a decent person who was behaving like a bit of a tool because he's a bit awkward/clueless with women.

 

But in those situations I've gone out of my way to subsequently give out cautious "I'm kind of interested, but just don't be a dick this time." signals. Call it a bit of an amber light. It's a difficult balance, because you don't want to reject a person twice - especially after you've given them interested signals.

[ZA Dater]

thousands of ideas, but you reject them all.

 

Yes because "they don't fit in with my life" to quote another poster.

[ZA Dater]

The women who are not interested in the Ferrari on a mountain pass, the big corporate deal or surfing a huge wave cannot relate to the experience.

It means nothing to them.

They would probably be petrified, so not something they want to try either.

 

So instead of a connection made there is a disconnect.

Most want to see a place where they can fit into your life, if they can't see a place, then they are going to "pass".

 

Well that's exactly the problem I suppose. Though to be fair this one was into politics and world affairs so guess even then it doesn't work.

 

Still seems apathetic to reject a person based on that.

[elaine567]

I think it may be a problem for a lot of long term singles. They have their life so much devoted to what they want to do, that there is little room for anyone else.

People can sense that and it can be off-putting.

"Where exactly do I fit in here?"

 

Being too independent, too self sufficient can be an issue.

It is why some men end up with apparently "helpless" women, and some women end up with "losers".

Vulnerability can be attractive.

They see a niche for themselves to fill. and step right in there.

Someone needs them and that can be a good feeling.

These are extreme examples, but most like to feel needed in some way.

[basil67]

There is a big difference. I don't go on dates with people, I simply reject the idea before even going on a date.

 

There’s no difference whatsoever. Either way, there’s quick rejection of someone who either you or they feel is not going to be a good fit at face value. Whether or not there’s honesty about the reason is irrelevant - it’s still rejection

 

Theres would be a lower rejection rate in pubs or parties because you have the advantage of already testing the level of rapport before suggesting seeing each other again.

[elaine567]

Theres would be a lower rejection rate in pubs or parties because you have the advantage of already testing the level of rapport before suggesting seeing each other again.

In pubs or parties it is also easier to swerve the person you are not interested in, it may never get to the point of an actual "rejection".

[ZA Dater]

I think it may be a problem for a lot of long term singles. They have their life so much devoted to what they want to do, that there is little room for anyone else.

People can sense that and it can be off-putting.

"Where exactly do I fit in here?"

 

Being too independent, too self sufficient can be an issue.

It is why some men end up with apparently "helpless" women, and some women end up with "losers".

Vulnerability can be attractive.

They see a niche for themselves to fill. and step right in there.

Someone needs them and that can be a good feeling.

These are extreme examples, but most like to feel needed in some way.

 

Why do people need to "fit in"? In this last instance, here was someone

 

1: like their own time

2: doesn't really go out much

3: doesn't have too many friends

4: career focused.

5: superbly well spoken

6: intelligent.

7: athletic and pretty

 

It doesn't take a genius to see how my "well this can work" radar went off on this, objectively I thought I'd have a better chance than ever but NO. Someone like might fit in with me and me with them. Heck I'd have been happy with friends.

 

But yes I do sort of see your point about fitting in in a broad sense.

 

So you tell me how you assure yourself you wont be rejected? I think I know the answer to this but anyway...

Edited August 25, 2019 by ZA Dater

[Gretchen12]

In this last instance, here was someone

 

1: like their own time

2: doesn't really go out much

3: doesn't have too many friends

4: career focused.

5: superbly well spoken

6: intelligent.

7: athletic and pretty

 

It doesn't take a genius to see how my "well this can work" radar went off on this, objectively I thought I'd have a better chance than ever ...

.

 

Why do you think you'd have a better chance with her? No I don't think someone like that would work out with you. She'd have no problem finding other men.

 

Why are women rejecting you. I felt there was a piece of the puzzle missing. After reading your posts now I have a better idea what's going on. Ask yourself what you have to offer women. It doesn't match up with what women are looking for.

[ZA Dater]

Why do you think you'd have a better chance with her? No I don't think someone like that would work out with you. She'd have no problem finding other men.

 

Why are women rejecting you. I felt there was a piece of the puzzle missing. After reading your posts now I have a better idea what's going on. Ask yourself what you have to offer women. It doesn't match up with what women are looking for.

 

Well do tell me which women I am "worthy" of, I'd be delighted to know, perhaps you can save me hours? Or is perhaps what you are really trying to say is I must go for the ones nobody else wants? Lots of ambiguity here.

 

What do women have to offer me? I asked this very same date what sort of guy she wanted and "well I am not sure" was the response. What am I suppose to offer women, please do tell. Again I'd be fascinated to align this with what women are suppose to offer me.

 

Its pretty clear to me why the oldest profession exists and it has nothing to with men but rather the rejection of men by women. Its like saying ok you can only have a three week old piece of cake for free or you can $50 for a really fresh hand made cake. Maybe that's all dating is really.

[NuevoYorko]

That's the problem with rejection, the guy never ever knows WHY. Eventually the guy becomes bitter and cynical and this is apparently his fault, why is that? Why is it there are many people like me wondering about rejection? You cannot tell me they are all completely fundamentally flawed to the point they never find mutual attraction?

 

Dude.

 

Of course if a person is bitter and cynical it's their own fault. I get that you are not going to wrap your mind around this, but a lot of people you know, even many of these women you're complaining about have difficulties in their lives - some of them huge - and they do not respond by becoming bitter and cynical, and blaming others.

 

Also your stubborn insistence that the women who don't want to date you are somehow out of line for not explaining why - that's just weird. They owe you NOTHING. Helping you out with your dating life is not their problem at all. They let you, a complete stranger, know that they aren't interested in seeing you. That's it. And that's appropriate.

 

You would do well by trying to develop the capacity for empathy.

[elaine567]

I asked this very same date what sort of guy she wanted and "well I am not sure" was the response.

She may be "not sure" but I bet my bottom dollar, she would recognise him if she saw and spoke to him.

That is how it tends to work.

 

What she wants in a man is irrelevant, she is not ALL women. ALL women do not want the same and even if they did, you can't magically turn yourself into that guy either, so what was the point of asking?

[Normm]

this one was into politics and world affairs so guess even then it doesn't work.

 

Still seems apathetic to reject a person based on that.

 

 

You aren't being rejected because of that.

[ZA Dater]

Dude.

You would do well by trying to develop the capacity for empathy.

 

For who exactly and why? Its not like any of them bother to show any interest in me so why should I bend over backwards for them?

 

Sorry I used to subscribe to the beg an grovel mentality but no longer. I also wont bother listening to women complaining, why because they are in the position to choose, most men are not so why complain if it was you who made those wrong choices, go out there and make better ones.

 

You see here I differ, why shouldn't a women tell me why? Frankly I'd consider it to be good manners but what do I know. Heck, don't bother spending more than 5 minutes with me if you cant stand me, get up and leave, seriously I can take it. But to sit over dinner for two hours and then ignore me, why waste my time.

 

Sorry but I fully subscribe to "tell it how it is", I have had many insults thrown my way during my childhood and all it taught me was to simply ignore and render those people irrelevant.

 

I'd be impressed the day a women actually makes some sort of effort with me but then again that wont happen because many women don't believe in making any effort at all unless there is some material or social gain to be had.

[ZA Dater]

She may be "not sure" but I bet my bottom dollar, she would recognise him if she saw and spoke to him.

That is how it tends to work.

 

What she wants in a man is irrelevant, she is not ALL women. ALL women do not want the same and even if they did, you can't magically turn yourself into that guy either, so what was the point of asking?

 

What the point of dating? I'd cynically argue they most want exactly the same things

 

1: prestige

2: material items.

 

If a person cannot tailor themselves to what another wants then dating is pointless, totally pointless, the difference here is its men who must bend over backward and give, give, give and women, well they just show up and choose. NODODY will ever disprove this theory to me because this forum proves it, there are tons of men rejected over and over again, where are the equivalent women, yes they are not here.

 

Women wont be honest about rejecting men because it would show them up, they would need to actually be honest, actually give something rather than take, take and take some more. All dating seems to be is a wonderful art of manipulation, pretty lady, well she has endless choice pick and choose, who actually cares, one goes another arrives. Men, well we all try pump ourselves up at gym to look like some bear in the hope that miss will choose us, heck you don't have to be nice person so long as you look hot that's all that matters, miss will find the average guy to use.

 

Why bother with this rubbish when paying gives the same ultimate result? I don't believe love exists, nothing has proven this to be the case to me, women reject without consequence, without reason and without honesty so why would I sit there and sell myself and ultimately looks like a fool, why bother?

 

Why should I give a women that satisfaction, I did for year and where did it get me, nowhere because the whole game is devoid of any sort of integrity.

 

You tell me why I keep being the thoughtful and enquiring guy and yet its the loud mouth gym guys who get all the ladies and they don't give two continentals about them?

 

Why care? Why bother? Sorry I have absolutely NO examples of good relationships in my life, none I can hold up and say, wow I'd want that or wow that must be amazing. Maybe that's why I feel the way I do and this is backed up by the way I have been treated, like a piece of garbage.