Is there anyway of reversing rejection?

[chillii]

But really , it's the same whoever you are , we all need like minded with ourselves, you find your people . We've tried to tell him that in threads and threads and really , there'd have to be plenty of serious straight women around.

But yeah true , everyone likes some lightness too, l think that was my first suggestion to op threads and threads ago , lighten the fk up, sneak a scotch or two before you leave , he won't touch a drop.

[jspice]

But yeah true , everyone likes some lightness too, l think that was my first suggestion to op threads and threads ago , lighten the fk up, sneak a scotch or two before you leave , he won't touch a drop.

 

 

Not true. He has had alcohol before when he tried to get the girl he can’t have.

A few glasses of wine if I recall. Then he tried to hit on her knowing she had a boyfriend.

Pretty standard nice guy stuff.

Edited September 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote

[Veronica73]

[]

 

I have very little in common with most people, but I can still talk with them and have interesting, enjoyable conversations. Doesn’t mean that I want to date them, but I don’t judge them harshly. I think most people are interesting. But I think I’m a lot older than you, so that probably makes a difference. And I can have an enjoyable time with them. I bet even me saying this, you are going to assume I must be some shallow, moron. But as an example, I have zero interest in sports. But guess what? I can still have enjoyable, interesting conversations with people who love love love sports. Same with people who have different political beliefs than I do. And also, most people I know would probably describe me as “weird” or “different”. But yet they still seem to highly value my company. Even though I am 100% introverted. (I would guess the people who don’t value my company and think I’m too weird have faded away and that’s fine with me.)

Edited September 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to deleted content redacted

[ZA Dater]

Look I can certainly talk about things I am not interested in, that's perfectly fine but all that seems to get me is friend zoned in minute 1. Which I guess is fine IF the people actually wanted to be friends, which they don't. Elaine always say this and it sticks with me always 'people don't use dating sites to find friends" and its pretty much true.

 

Here is the thing you can talk about many things, the people I end up going on dates cannot, that's one of the fundamental problems and why my interest in them wanes very quickly.

Edited September 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[ZA Dater]

Have you asked any of these female friends for their honest opinion of why you are having such trouble dating?

 

I have and the general answer is like this

 

"You are a very unique, kind and supportive person, very at odds with most people in this world and unfortunately people don't see that at first so they don't really appreciate the person you are"

 

"Not drinking is a major social impediment, people generally want to drink and have a good time, the fact you don't drink would be a deal killer for most women"

 

"You don't immediately shine but over time people get to know you they will realise you are a really great person"

 

The age range of these people is 33-37 FYI.

 

Some of them have tried to set me up but it doesn't really work socially at all. Its like taking an elephant to an aquarium, just doesn't fundamentally work.

 

Each date I go on I am trying to mitigate these problems as best I can but I am always at a significant disadvantage and arguably I cant get around one of them.

 

Hence I know I am going to get rejected before I even start. All I can do is go and try and sell myself the best I can and try find some positive in the overall experience. If I ever meet someone I really like again I think I am simply going to list everything that's wrong with me from the outset so she can decide, though such is a competition it would be an immediate red card.

 

Sure, could I have done more on some of these dates? In hindsight yes, there were maybe three which has some potential but I "messed" up those opportunities, mainly through over thinking. Though morally I am happy with the decisions I made at the time, the one was a lady who had too much wine and was all over me.

[ZA Dater]

Why do you give them that power over you?! Genuine question.

 

Honestly, I can’t imagine how emasculating it must feel to have my mindset and happiness so badly affected by women, not only that but women that I didn’t even like! I can’t even...

 

 

 

They don't, hence my couldn't care less attitude. I also refuse to conform to what they apparently want. Either they like or they don't, its mostly the latter.

 

 

If you don't care about something its the greatest form of indifference but emotionally you also simply disconnect from it, that's where I am with dating.

 

 

Its going to take someone amazing to change that.

[chillii]

Not true. He has had alcohol before when he tried to get the girl he can’t have.

A few glasses of wine if I recall. Then he tried to hit on her knowing she had a boyfriend.

Pretty standard nice guy stuff.

 

 

Well l'm glad to hear it, but l dunno about nice guy bs , don't see too many women getting back with ah's round here , but nope , not a good call.

[Foxhall]

I go slightly against the notion of putting like with like,

 

or putting an introvert with another introvert,

 

I think an introvert combined with an extrovert or at least a moderate extrovert is actually a better match as the introvert is able to spark off the extrovert, and in turn the extrovert gets a good listener

 

two introverts together can be quite a strained dynamic at times

 

also a "boring person"- well dont like that term either,as the saying goes "one man's meat is another man's poison".

 

shall we say less charismatic with a charismatic person- again the combination will compliment other.

Edited September 4, 2019 by Foxhall

[basil67]

Foxhall, I agree to a point. Hubby and I are quite opposite in a lot of ways and we compliment each other well. But the traits which ZA is looking for are unlikely to be found in a neuro typical. NTs conform in one way or another. We are comfortable when with people who are like us. We do small talk when getting to know each other. We judge those who are different.

[ZA Dater]

I go slightly against the notion of putting like with like,

 

or putting an introvert with another introvert,

 

two introverts together can be quite a strained dynamic at times

 

also a "boring person"- well dont like that term either,as the saying goes "one man's meat is another man's poison".

 

shall we say less charismatic with a charismatic person- again the combination will compliment other.

 

I did once go on date with someone like me, roughly and it didn't really work at all because conversation was extremely difficult, just couldn't get her to talk at all.

 

Sure, go out on a date, try have a nice time and then what, get rejected? Its a case of putting in effort, for what exactly, I may as well sit at home and write because ultimately that's a more rewarding endeavour.

 

The real problem here is finding the motivation to actually keep going on dates. Spent a lot of time thinking about non OLD dating and just not sure how to get that to work based on the interests I have.

 

A further issue is things are very "clique" like her, I notice a LOT of people end up dating people they met via friends, which is great if you have friends, not so great if you don't.

 

I do sort of regret not parking my morals at the door when that slightly tipsy lady was all over me.

 

 

A confident person brings out confidence in me.

Edited September 4, 2019 by ZA Dater

[elaine567]

I do sort of regret not parking my morals at the door when that slightly tipsy lady was all over me.

 

I thought that at the time. You needed to take a good slug of some spirit and allowed her to take the lead.

Maybe not the love story of the century, but a least she desired YOU.

[ZA Dater]

I thought that at the time. You needed to take a good slug of some spirit and allowed her to take the lead.

Maybe not the love story of the century, but a least she desired YOU.

 

Well for better or worse as with most things I opted to play the long game in the hope I could get date two. She was attractive too, far more so than 99.9% of the dates I have had since then.

 

With those drop the ball moments just make me think that dating wise I am just completely stupid. Probably indicative of the dating impression most people get of me.

 

 

Rather predictably I didn't get the second date. I suspect the last one would have been keen to if I'd had better "game".

Edited September 4, 2019 by ZA Dater

[chillii]

Must admit in ways l agree with the others there to that like doesn't always need like, all kinds of combos can work , But some likenesses and views and stuff at least do often meet in the middle somewhere and click.

But again , always sounds like an anxiety thing with you hence my nudging you to take a few swigs before hand or during. Which l know your not gonna do butttt, tis a shame, it'd loosen you up and help stop you over thinking and that worrying about second dates and stuff.