sirhc Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 To any mature woman, She and I had an affair roughly 19 years ago. She being married and I single (still am). She moved away after her divorce and I haven't seen her or spoken with her since that time, until A month ago at a funeral we see each other again, How can she be more beautiful now??? WE hugged and she said it is great to see me and she wanted see me again to "catch up". We met at my house made a lot of small talk, until she asked me if I was dating anyone, I should have said it was none of her business. Instead I said no, because "I haven't met another you". She then starts crying and says that she was infatuated with me and apologizes for it. She told me this many years ago, why say it again after all this time? Does a woman feel guilty for that long? We had a 2 hour phone conversation after this and im not sure I have any closure yet. I told her that I loved her then and I love her now, and will tomorrow. She says she likes me and cares about me and what happens to me. I asked her about her dating lofe and she said nothing serious, that's amazing if you knew this woman. My question to you ladies is: Why would a woman come back after all this time knowing how I feel about her and not give me any closure? Also, why is she not in a serious commited relationship? Long winded I know, but that's the edited version. Another question is: Why would a man hold on to someone that long? Am I just pathetic ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirhc Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 Feedback from anyone would be helpful, I haven't hurt like this in a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirhc Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 To any mature woman, She and I had an affair roughly 19 years ago. She being married and I single (still am). She moved away after her divorce and I haven't seen her or spoken with her since that time, until A month ago at a funeral we see each other again, How can she be more beautiful now??? WE hugged and she said it is great to see me and she wanted see me again to "catch up". We met at my house made a lot of small talk, until she asked me if I was dating anyone, I should have said it was none of her business. Instead I said no, because "I haven't met another you". She then starts crying and says that she was infatuated with me and apologizes for it. She told me this many years ago, why say it again after all this time? Does a woman feel guilty for that long? We had a 2 hour phone conversation after this and im not sure I have any closure yet. I told her that I loved her then and I love her now, and will tomorrow. She says she likes me and cares about me and what happens to me. I asked her about her dating lofe and she said nothing serious, that's amazing if you knew this woman. My question to you ladies is: Why would a woman come back after all this time knowing how I feel about her and not give me any closure? Also, why is she not in a serious commited relationship? Long winded I know, but that's the edited version. Another question is: Why would a man hold on to someone that long? Am I just pathetic ? Feedback from anyone would be helpful, I haven't hurt like this in a long time Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirhc Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 any feedback would be helpful, hurting Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I am sorry you are hurting, but from an outsider looking in...its kind of hard to feel sorry for you. You are in a sense holding on to a fake reality. You two didnt have a real relationship. You had an affair with a married woman (which was your first mistake). She didnt love you. She cared for you (probably because you cared for her). She was infatuated with you (desire) and sounds like she regrets the affair for it's implications it had on both her marriage and maybe for your feelings that she messed with during that time. She was not available then, and she is not available to you now. You have her on a pedestal. I don't think you really know her. Anyways, who knows why she isnt in a serious relationship. That is not really your business. She is probably sorting her life out and finding out what she wants. It's not like she sought you out. You happened to see her at a funeral and reconnected, and sounds like she tried to give you closure by talking to you...if you wanted closure you should have asked her more specific questions when she was there that would give you closure. Sorry if that isnt what you wanted to hear, or if it comes off as harsh.But you need to let her go and maybe even speak to a professional, because 19 years is a long time to hold on to something like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirhc Posted August 20, 2019 Author Share Posted August 20, 2019 Thank you for your candor. Your psychological opinion is spot on, but the heart is a whole different animal from the brain. Im not in need of therapy, the hurt will go away. I just needed a womans point of view. chris Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 You're not pathetic, You just thought this women could've been the one for you even if you did believe it for that long. You had so much faith in her when she told you that she still likes you but that's all that will ever be is just like not love. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedInDenver Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 (edited) I can relate to still having feelings for a woman 19 years later for sure. There is a woman from 2002 I'd still reconnect with to this day if we encountered one another. However. Closure? You should have found closure on your own years ago. People don't owe you closure and does anyone ever really get it from another person? "I'm just not ready now". Is that closure? You wonder forever if it is true. "I don't love you the same way?" Painful and still up to YOU to provide closure. Any answer/closure you get is up to you. You need to put it someplace that provides you with some answers, allows you to hold on to the good memories and let the hope of the future go. Let. The. Hope. Of. The. Future. Go. So 19 years later she can't provide you with anytihng if you haven't figured it out in the interim because YOU refused to give YOURSELF closure. I can't answer why she said "she likes me and cares about me and what happens to me" or why she told you there is no one serious. Maybe she was letting you know she only sees you as a friend and simply answering your question honestly. Maybe she was opening the door. Whatever reason she gave and whatever NEW future with her may or may not be open to you it won't be open until you CLOSE the old door. Do you see that? She isn't that her, you aren't that you, that future is GONE forever. Close it. Be open to what may be in front of you with her or someone else. Edited September 3, 2019 by confusedInDenver Link to post Share on other sites
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