liesandmorelies777 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 My boyfriend has a history of sometimes telling me white lies or just outright lies about his finances. The reason why the truth is so relevant is because he wants to live in my home and pay me rent. I know he lives paycheck to paycheck with little left over but here's what he told me yesterday: I specifically asked him how much money he has left in his account each month after paying bills and he said about $1,000 but last month he had only a few hundred (which he later said was closer to $150; in reality I know its $130). I asked him to repeat the answer which he did. For example, I know the prior month he had $300 and the other months about $400. when I asked again today b/c I said it didn't sound right, he said maybe it was closer to $400.00. I also asked why is he is using 3 credit cards when he used only use 2 and he had no real answer. I asked him twice how much he owes on the cards which needs to be paid in 2 weeks and he said $1,000.00 - he repeated the same answer when I asked him about it today. But I know it's $1,500.00 however. Do you consider either or both lies? I asked him to show me his bank statements to show me how he thinks he has $1,000/month extra and he didn't but said moving forward, he would. Really, I've heard that before. He tells me I'm a fool for not allowing him to move in and pay me rent instead of him paying his landlord and he will never hurt me financially and it's foolproof for me b/c if it doesn't work out, I tell him to leave. Is it that easy?? He then brings up stuff about my adult child that doesn't like him and I've made no progress and why can't I be honest about it with him?? Help!!! Do I just walk away after 6 years of dating him. He says he would just date me instead of living together but is that an answer??? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 There is nothing saying you have to live together. If you don’t trust him with money, then that is probably your best answer. I’m just wondering why he has to be accountable to you about his spending... you sound more like his mortgage lender than his girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liesandmorelies777 Posted August 18, 2019 Author Share Posted August 18, 2019 Because he has been irresponsible with $ in the past and even though he is better now I don't want to be stuck picking up the slack and why should he lie to me about something this important? Shouldn't he be happy to put my mind at ease??? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 (edited) Have you thought about creating a joint account from which your joint expenses will be withdrawn? Then, he can have his own account that he can use for discretionary spending? I understand your concern, I really do. I just wonder if asking him to submit his bank statements to you when you are not actually married or living together is a little much. I have to wonder if he lies because he knows that he has to account for every last cent? Most adults, particularly when not married or living with their partner, manage their money independently. Edited August 18, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 He tells me I'm a fool for not allowing him to move in and pay me rent instead of him paying his landlord and he will never hurt me financially and it's foolproof for me b/c if it doesn't work out, I tell him to leave. Is it that easy?? Reading your post again, THIS is what would cause me concern. If you broke up, it could be VERY difficult to ask him to leave the home. You may even have to force him out of the home legally, because once he is living with you he has a right to the home after a certain length of time. You would need to consult a lawyer to learn the specifics. I would NOT move in together without an air-tight cohabitation agreement in place. You need to protect your biggest asset - your home. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I specifically asked him how much money he has left in his account each month after paying bills and he said about $1,000 but last month he had only a few hundred (which he later said was closer to $150; in reality I know its $130). ...I asked him twice how much he owes on the cards which needs to be paid in 2 weeks and he said $1,000.00 - he repeated the same answer when I asked him about it today. But I know it's $1,500.00 however. Hard to think of a more passive/aggressive approach than these Q&A sessions where you already know the answer. Are you more interested in beating him up or deciding if he'd make a good roommate? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Sorry, he may not have a right to your home as it is a pre-existing asset, but he will be entitled to certain things after you cohabitate in a common-law relationship for a given length of time. Best to consult a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 [...] He tells me I'm a fool for not allowing him to move in and pay me rent instead of him paying his landlord and he will never hurt me financially and it's foolproof for me b/c if it doesn't work out, I tell him to leave. Is it that easy?? He then brings up stuff about my adult child that doesn't like him and I've made no progress and why can't I be honest about it with him?? Help!!! Do I just walk away after 6 years of dating him. He says he would just date me instead of living together but is that an answer??? If he moves in and pays you rent, YOU become his landlord as well as his common law partner. You're very smart to question how he handles his money before you take that step. What's wrong with just dating him? Why do relationships always have to be going somewhere? You two are in a position to decide how you're going to live without things like existing joint property or children together complicating the matter. If your relationship works as it is, then why not keep it that way? You being your BF's landlord could complicate things quite a bit. Someone already pointed out that you should consult a lawyer on what entering into a common-law relationship entails (with or without a tenancy agreement between the two of you) where you live. Consider the fact that even if your relationship ends, getting him to move out could prove hard if you have a tenancy agreement. If you don't have any such agreement on paper but you live together as a couple, common-law marriage laws might make it hard to get him to move out of your home, should your relationship end. That this man does not seem trustworthy in financial matters to you is a big red flag. Why involve money with love? If you let your BF move in with you, there will be tons of practical issues involved that will change your relationship. Why not enjoy the romantic side of the relationship without any distracting practicalities? Sharing a household (called common-law marriage) or marrying someone explicitly are all about creating a stable environment for children to be born into. The pure romantic aspect of an intimate relationship has nothing to do with that. Money, a marriage contract, household chores and children are nothing but serious distractions from what makes forming an intimate bond with a member of the opposite sex enjoyable in the first place. You build a nest because you want to create a family with someone, with or without children. It doesn't sound like you find this man trustworthy enough to form a family with him. You probably shouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Ana1234 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I understand how difficult this decision is for you. Is there anyone you trust who you can talk to about this and ask their advice? Maybe a family member or friend who wants what is best for you? I have found in my experience that those who know me best offer me great advice and help me to see things I can't when I'm in the middle of the situation. Praying for wisdom for you. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 You don't have to end your relationship, but you shouldn't let him move in if you don't trust him financially. Once he's in it could be hard getting him out so unless you're ok with the very real chance that he will pay you little if any rent, do not let him move in. Whether you want to continue "just dating" without living together is something only you can answer. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 If he's going to move in, have him sign a lease. If you are in the US, less than half the states recognize common law marriage. Since you aren't married, his money or lack thereof is really his business. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 I can't believe you are still asking the same thing. If you have to interrogate your boyfriend about his finances like you are an IRS auditor then don't move in with him. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 Sorry, he may not have a right to your home as it is a pre-existing asset, but he will be entitled to certain things after you cohabitate in a common-law relationship for a given length of time. Best to consult a lawyer. Not picking on you since you weren't the only one to mention it, but this isn't true if they are in the US. Common Law is only recognized in 9 states. A few other states recognize grandfathered in relationships that qualified for Common Law status before the laws changed in or before the early 90's. A few more states recognize Common Law only for inheritance purposes. Now, in the states that do recognize Common Law living together and/or having a child together isn't enough. They'd have to file taxes as married, use a common surname, present themselves to society and professionally as Mr and Mrs, and so on for set number of years, depending on state. It's literally impossible to be Common Law without doing it deliberately in the US. So, really, OP needs to check the law where she lives to see how much liability she'd be taking on letting him move in with her. Even if she wouldn't be accidentally entering into a Common Law relationship, she would be entering into a tenant-landlord relationship and some states make it damn near impossible to evict someone in any reasonable timeframe. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 (edited) this isn't true if they are in the US. Common Law is only recognized in 9 states. A few other states recognize grandfathered in relationships that qualified for Common Law status before the laws changed in or before the early 90's. A few more states recognize Common Law only for inheritance purposes. Thank you. I was not aware, as I am from Canada and obviously the law is very different. My concern was that OP consider the legal and not only the financial implications for having this man move into her home. Obviously, she will need to seek legal advice as the law is very different depending on where she is living. Edited August 21, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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