Stuck ?

[chillii]

Well if she saved herself a fortune she can go live someplace else.

 

I’m not blaming you for all, chillii. How was I suppose to know the reasons she moved in with her son when you threw it in this thread? I thought it had something to do with her wanting to move in with you so she didn’t up her lease and had already been waiting for months for it to happen.

 

 

Haaaa, because l expect you to be physic, that's all

Trouble is, it'd be silly to spend it on a new lease now, few mths here few mths there for 6mths and if we're good l'll be good by then.

l just need a bit longer right now for those reasons.

[amaysngrace]

Well that knowledge changes everything. Yea, she can wait until you’re ready if you’re ever ready.

 

I really thought you had something to do with her not upping her lease so it painted this whole other scenario in my mind.

[preraph]

You may never be ready to have someone underfoot 24/7. If you ever decide to try, I think you have a lot of negotiating ahead of you to be sure she's not home all the time and that she will take a job that is NOT the same as your schedule and be gone a lot so you have some times. Seriously, just let her know you are used to having lots of alone time and for it to work, she cannot be home all the same hours you are.

[Gaeta]

Thanks G.

Another thing is her lease was up a few months ago but because of us she only moved in with her son short term.

Really....so months ago she did not renew her lease because she expected you to take her in. Did she consult you about this? She expects a lot for a woman that has spent at most 6 months of face to face time with you.

 

 

 

I don't understand when people say you're misleading her. She is pressuring you to move in after very little time dating. It's unacceptable in other threads so why it seems acceptable in this thread! I don't get it.

[preraph]

Chili, I'm going to straight up ask you: Can this woman afford her own place or not? Is she going to be reliant on you for money? What is keeping her from just having her own place? This might be the bigger red flag. She should be able to support herself or she will be a burden to you.

[chillii]

Well that knowledge changes everything. Yea, she can wait until you’re ready if you’re ever ready.

 

I really thought you had something to do with her not upping her lease so it painted this whole other scenario in my mind.

 

 

 

 

Ahh , that was meant to be psychic

Well, sort of , but she wanted out of there anyway and her sons problem was a solution short term with her being down here half the time.

 

Look , we wanted the same thing and if we were what we expected we'd move in in 12mths or so , but my daughter stuff came up but l finding also wanna give it more time too. lt is part my fault, but some more time is not unreasonable in any case.

[chillii]

Thanks G and Preraph. And yeah there has been a lot of pressure , more now. Don't like pressure in something like this. But yeah we talk about all that all through, with the situation and distance you have to it's cart before the horse because you've both gotta know if there's a future you know.

She's highly qualified she can get work no prob l'm just holding up the show though with her living in two states at once that's all.

lt's bloody awkward , we figured 12 mths but youknow, as l was saying.

[chillii]

Anyway , it's me now holding up the show but tis what it is, just dunno how to fix it. l don't wanna mess her around any longer she's in limbo for me but l can't promise anything right now.

l know l should break it off free her limbo , even if just for 6mths, we talked about that last night. Damn.

[Gaeta]

Anyway , it's me now holding up the show but tis what it is, just dunno how to fix it. l don't wanna mess her around any longer she's in limbo for me but l can't promise anything right now.

l know l should break it off free her limbo , even if just for 6mths, we talked about that last night. Damn.

 

 

How is she in limbo? She is not. She is way ahead of herself wanting you to move her in after little face-to-face time. Even if you were local from the beginning 1 year would still be too little to move in together.

[chillii]

Ahhh G , still in bloody limbo.

But yeah l agree , l'd still want more time.

Bit worried gonna lose it though right now because her sitch is her sitch because of me or she would've moved into some new place 8 or 9mths ago , work organized and things would've all been fine for her lf l didn't come along.

 

 

We're going in circles , trying to solve the sitch.

[Whodatdog]

The sitch is easy to solve. You arent ready. Theres nothing wrong with that, its who you are. She needs to get herself an apartment. It gets herself situated in an apartment, it takes the pressure off of you, and both of you can breath easy again. Pressure makes people do funny, and often wrong, things. Release the pressure and look at the relationship with fresh eyes. If its meant to be, it will. Another year wont change that.

[chillii]

Thanks whota.

Hell yeah last thing l wanted at this stage in something was pressure , messes with everything.

Problem is , she can't keep traveling down like this another 12 mths.

 

So lf we didn;t see each other in that 12mths, l'd still be nowhere in this decision because only more time together will give us what l need to move ahead .

But still , taking into account things with my daughter right now on top of it, l probably don;t have much choice unless l go against myself and just do it. But that's not usually a good thing is it, if for whatever reason your just not ready to just do it.

Damn this stuff, single was much easier.

[Whodatdog]

I dont necessarily believe that more time together will give you what you need to move ahead. Everyone is different, and has different stories. Guys have met girls and have known in 3 days they were the one they wanted to marry. Guys have met girls, dated for years, then separated for a year or two. Guy calls girl, says I cant live without you, and they get married. Guys waffle back and forth for a long long time. Girl gets tired of waiting, leaves; guy meets the love of his life and is married in 2 months. It just sounds to me like you are trying to make all the pegs fit in the holes, and you just cant. Dont force it.

 

Moving in together is a big deal. Bigger than people realize. Its easy to do, practically impossible to undue. If you only had 2 choices right now, to tell her goodbye, or tell her to move in, which choice would feel like the right choice?

[chillii]

Yeah that's the thing , see in other threads people telling someone oh, just move out, you know, some problem or other. But it's far far more than oh, just move out by then.

l was one of those guys, met my w knew in a day we'd marry, moved in in a few mths.

 

Young then, things are much more complicated now than they were then, and we've been through life. Then tere's guilt with my daughter if someone new was here too right now, and lot of caution after everything else, pressure.

Edited September 15, 2019 by chillii

[Ruby Slippers]

I get the impression you're not ready, not feeling her moving in is a good idea. She can decide if she wants to continue as is or not. But don't cave on this if you're not feeling it. That won't be good for anybody.

 

You do need to be honest about where you stand so she has all the info.

[chillii]

Yeah it's not only my daughters sitch right now , it is also just a bit soon for me right now too.