I can't find a girlfriend, such limited opportunities.

[Aquarius9]

Hi. As the title says, I'm struggling to find a girlfriend. I'm so frustrated. I'm 26 now; it's been years since I've had an actual relationship, and even then they didn't last long. Since then, it's just been one nighters. My circumstances didn't really set me up for a relationship; I had major mental health issues and didn't believe in myself. These mental health issues have impacted me greatly. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but when I was in college at the age of 17 (school leaving age here in England is different to US), I had quite a few girls showing an interest in me. Nowadays, in the most modest way I can say it, I get looks in the street sometimes and stuff like that, but when it comes down to it, nothing I try seems to work and I'm putting alot of pressure on myself.

 

To give a bit of context before I get into the crux of the post, I don't have a problem approaching women and declaring my interest in that way. I'm a bit rough around the edges, but I actually enjoy doing it. Alot of people have complimented me on having the guts/confidence to do this, women have admired it. Usually, on the odd occasion that I've done it lately, it doesn't work as the woman has a boyfriend, but the ability and mental resolve to do that is there. If I'm at an event or something and see a group of women there, and I like one of them, sometimes I'll go over, all by myself, and get chatting. But these opportunities aren't often.

 

I don't have many opportunities to meet women; I'm a degree student at a university centre which, surprisingly, doesn't really offer much social interaction with females of my age range (probably half of the students here are in their 30s and married), it's not a university in a city and it doesn't offer those uni nights out that some universities do, and right now, I don't have a job as I can't work full time due to the degree, I left the part time job I had in May, and still, that didn't give many opportunities either.

 

The obvious option is bars, well, I feel let down by friends and even some family members here, as they don't come out; whenever I go to a bar, I never get anywhere. As I said, no-one comes out, most of my friends are either with someone or live too far away to be bothered to come drinking with me. This ends up with me going to bars on my own and ultimately failing, and where I live, not many attractive, single women go out that much anyway. It seems to all be couples and groups of platonic friends and I end up blowing the chance to go over because the group has guys with them.

 

To compound this sense of loneliness, my older brother has a girlfriend, my younger sister has a boyfriend that's now stayed over ours twice, leaving me and one other sibling left without anyone. I'm going to be honest, I'm incredibly jealous to the point that it's making me bitter. I should be with someone by now.

 

I feel as if I'm one of those football players that some people, including myself, know has great potential but had a bad injury and lost his form for a long time or lost his mojo and now everybody expects nothing from him. It's maddening.

 

How could I find more opportunities to meet women? The job thing, I'm applying, I'd just hope it's one that gives me those opportunities. Hobbies? I can't think what there is that's local to me. I've joined the gym recently, would that be an option? I need to find new friends as well to come on these nights out, too, but it's more difficult to do that now being in my mid 20s.

Edited August 19, 2019 by Aquarius9

[basil67]

You're British, so rather than bars, what about local pubs? Do they have trivia nights or pool nights or anything else you could participate in? If you get to know the locals through a weekly evening event, you'll expand your circle and get more chances to meet women.

[Aquarius9]

You're British, so rather than bars, what about local pubs? Do they have trivia nights or pool nights or anything else you could participate in? If you get to know the locals through a weekly evening event, you'll expand your circle and get more chances to meet women.

 

They used to do them round here, dunno about anymore, and to be honest it would very likely be middle aged people upwards doing them. Even Tinder doesn't really work for me haha!

 

There has to be other ways.

[schlumpy]

You are just in a rut and you need to quell those negative feelings they won't help make you attractive.

 

Pick a venue or venues where you think attractive women your age will gravitate to. Got there on a regular basis and at the same time. Let people take your measure without trying to form instant friendships. Let them get relaxed with you. That should supply some prospects.

 

You could also help yourself by casually dating women you may not find attractive. Just the activity will get noticed by others and you will earn the dating seal of approval.

 

Good luck

[Mr. Lucky]

You are just in a rut and you need to quell those negative feelings they won't help make you attractive.

 

Agreed. No greater turn-off than the subtle smell of desperation.

 

Aquarius9, do you play any sports? Here in the US, we have a bunch of municipal leagues usually run by the Parks and Rec Department of the local city. Lots of coed teams at all ability levels, and I used them to get back in the swing of things after my divorce. Same would apply to book clubs, political groups and non-profit efforts. All are looking for members, who tend to be young, active and involved. Meet-up is a good app to use to get started.

 

Give it a try...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Foxhall]

You are talking like an older person in a sense,

 

you are only 26 so it is all ahead of you,loads of time to get a girlfriend- lol girlfriends can be hassle too- enjoy the freedom you have.

 

if your going to bars alone, this can be quite demoralising,

 

the only way this can work for you is to approach random groups of strangers and say something like- well you guys are having a good time here- do you mind if I join in,

 

if your not prepared to say that (and I agree you need a bit of a neck on you to say that) then do not go to bars alone.

you can say that though- there is more in us than we realise.

 

otherwise these meet-up groups seem to be really taking off now-join one of them

online dating perhaps- though maybe building more contacts and getting more practice socially is advisable first.

[Aquarius9]

Agreed. No greater turn-off than the subtle smell of desperation.

 

Aquarius9, do you play any sports? Here in the US, we have a bunch of municipal leagues usually run by the Parks and Rec Department of the local city. Lots of coed teams at all ability levels, and I used them to get back in the swing of things after my divorce. Same would apply to book clubs, political groups and non-profit efforts. All are looking for members, who tend to be young, active and involved. Meet-up is a good app to use to get started.

 

Give it a try...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Not sports really, I did when I was in high school. I'm a football fan, used to box when I was 15/16, have a passing interest in American football, not played it much, so the interest is there in those. I've just joined the gym. I've never paid much attention before to the three things you mentioned, I don't know of any around where I live. I may have to travel a little way for those. I suppose that in itself would be desperate! I do read actually, I'm doing my degree, part of which is English Lit, so I have to read alot of fiction for that. Could be some places that are relevant to that.

 

I've never actually heard of Meetup, I'm looking at it now.

Edited August 21, 2019 by Aquarius9

[Aquarius9]

You are just in a rut and you need to quell those negative feelings they won't help make you attractive.

 

Pick a venue or venues where you think attractive women your age will gravitate to. Got there on a regular basis and at the same time. Let people take your measure without trying to form instant friendships. Let them get relaxed with you. That should supply some prospects.

 

You could also help yourself by casually dating women you may not find attractive. Just the activity will get noticed by others and you will earn the dating seal of approval.

 

Good luck

 

There are a couple of places that'd be better suited, but those are more dance places, not really places you go alone. There's a nearby City which is great, it's perfect. I've gone out there quite a few times, but again, always with a group of us.

 

The one place I do go to where it isn't so obvious is more a different type of place, you get all different people in there, they have live bands usually.

 

You do get some nice looking women in there around my age, I always hesitate wether go over or not. I'm like "They'll know I'm on my own, what do I say? What if that guy with them is her boyfriend?" stuff like that. I keep mentally talking myself out of it. Since my brother stopped coming out with me (he got a girlfriend) I've really stopped going up to women, for the most part. Being alone makes it that much harder. There was one time fairly recently I did it, it seemed to work at first but she was a time waster.

 

As it happens, me my brother, his GF and her family are going out this weekend, it could be an opportunity in itself.

[Aquarius9]

You are talking like an older person in a sense,

 

you are only 26 so it is all ahead of you,loads of time to get a girlfriend- lol girlfriends can be hassle too- enjoy the freedom you have.

 

if your going to bars alone, this can be quite demoralising,

 

the only way this can work for you is to approach random groups of strangers and say something like- well you guys are having a good time here- do you mind if I join in,

 

if your not prepared to say that (and I agree you need a bit of a neck on you to say that) then do not go to bars alone.

you can say that though- there is more in us than we realise.

 

otherwise these meet-up groups seem to be really taking off now-join one of them

online dating perhaps- though maybe building more contacts and getting more practice socially is advisable first.

 

Well I had a look at that meetup app, have you ever tried it?

 

I know, it's just a ballache having friends that are quite a bit older than me or have no interest in going out, I hate it. I feel like I'm the only one with that motivation to go out and meet women.

 

If I can't go to pubs, I don't know what other options there are that're local.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well I had a look at that meetup app, have you ever tried it?

 

I use meetup as I travel alone in Europe almost every year. Through the app, I've been part of a dining group in Italy, biked with a group of locals in France and played tennis on the private courts at the UN headquarters in Geneva. It's simple to use, the folks I've met have been welcoming and used to assimilating new members into the group.

 

Since the purpose of the app is to assemble like-minded strangers, it would seem a natural fit for you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[twatwa123]

Hi. As the title says, I'm struggling to find a girlfriend. I'm so frustrated. I'm 26 now; it's been years since I've had an actual relationship, and even then they didn't last long. Since then, it's just been one nighters. My circumstances didn't really set me up for a relationship; I had major mental health issues and didn't believe in myself. These mental health issues have impacted me greatly. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but when I was in college at the age of 17 (school leaving age here in England is different to US), I had quite a few girls showing an interest in me. Nowadays, in the most modest way I can say it, I get looks in the street sometimes and stuff like that, but when it comes down to it, nothing I try seems to work and I'm putting alot of pressure on myself.

 

To give a bit of context before I get into the crux of the post, I don't have a problem approaching women and declaring my interest in that way. I'm a bit rough around the edges, but I actually enjoy doing it. Alot of people have complimented me on having the guts/confidence to do this, women have admired it. Usually, on the odd occasion that I've done it lately, it doesn't work as the woman has a boyfriend, but the ability and mental resolve to do that is there. If I'm at an event or something and see a group of women there, and I like one of them, sometimes I'll go over, all by myself, and get chatting. But these opportunities aren't often.

 

I don't have many opportunities to meet women; I'm a degree student at a university centre which, surprisingly, doesn't really offer much social interaction with females of my age range (probably half of the students here are in their 30s and married), it's not a university in a city and it doesn't offer those uni nights out that some universities do, and right now, I don't have a job as I can't work full time due to the degree, I left the part time job I had in May, and still, that didn't give many opportunities either.

 

The obvious option is bars, well, I feel let down by friends and even some family members here, as they don't come out; whenever I go to a bar, I never get anywhere. As I said, no-one comes out, most of my friends are either with someone or live too far away to be bothered to come drinking with me. This ends up with me going to bars on my own and ultimately failing, and where I live, not many attractive, single women go out that much anyway. It seems to all be couples and groups of platonic friends and I end up blowing the chance to go over because the group has guys with them.

 

To compound this sense of loneliness, my older brother has a girlfriend, my younger sister has a boyfriend that's now stayed over ours twice, leaving me and one other sibling left without anyone. I'm going to be honest, I'm incredibly jealous to the point that it's making me bitter. I should be with someone by now.

 

I feel as if I'm one of those football players that some people, including myself, know has great potential but had a bad injury and lost his form for a long time or lost his mojo and now everybody expects nothing from him. It's maddening.

 

How could I find more opportunities to meet women? The job thing, I'm applying, I'd just hope it's one that gives me those opportunities. Hobbies? I can't think what there is that's local to me. I've joined the gym recently, would that be an option? I need to find new friends as well to come on these nights out, too, but it's more difficult to do that now being in my mid 20s.

 

 

I had major mental health issues and didn't believe in myself. These mental health issues have impacted me greatly.

 

You have to love yourself first.

 

I don't have many opportunities to meet women;

 

Join a club or event. Try meetup.com and join a local group from there.

 

 

To compound this sense of loneliness, my older brother has a girlfriend, my younger sister has a boyfriend that's now stayed over ours twice, leaving me and one other sibling left without anyone. I'm going to be honest, I'm incredibly jealous to the point that it's making me bitter. I should be with someone by now.

 

If you siblings can do it, so can you. It goes back to my first point. You have to love yourself first, which means having self belief and a little bit of confidence.

 

 

Don't worry, my man, your time will come, but you have to put yourself out there first.