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Someone I have known for about a year on a professional level has asked me if I would like to go out to dinner or to a game some time. He is aware of my current situation (staying married so my estranged husband has medical benefits), and once he learned that I will no longer be involved with my ex on any level, he asked me out. I have been apart from my husband for over a year, and there has been absolutely no intimacy nor closeness during that time. I would really enjoy some companionship (besides my dog or cat :lmao:). Am I wrong if I say yes? I have mixed feelings (because I am still married and, having been cheated on by my first husband, it's something I'm having difficulty justifying in my mind, though my husband and I will never be together again.) Thoughts?

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I guess you could tell your husband your going out ...no way that can be considered sneaking around hence no bad feeling in the back ground

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If your husband were interested in dating another woman I very much doubt he'd be on a forum asking strangers if they think it's okay or not!

 

If the marriage is over and the only reason you're not divorced is medical benefits then I don't see a problem. The other man might, though. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone married, even if the marriage is just on paper. But if he's OK with it then fill your boots.

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Assuming that you are telling the truth and that you and your husband both understand yourselves to be separated and in the game, then there is absolutely nothing wrong, ethically, with what you are doing. However, you are probably not in a place to form a truly lasting and meaningful relationship so you should be careful not to lead anyone on, least of all yourself. On the other hand, if you and your friend are OK with intimacy with a low possibility for more, I'd say go for it.

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mark clemson

vla1120, you've been on LS a long time and post advice, etc.

 

Forming a new relationship while still married is always problematic. That said, you're in a pretty unusual situation.

 

No one knows the future. Is it "OK" with you and with him? How do YOU think it will work out?

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Say yes. After a year you deserve a little a joy in your life. It's an evening - not a commitment.

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I guess you could tell your husband your going out ...

 

I like this OP because it addresses a couple of issues. Not only is everything out in the open, but it clarifies for your "husband" the purely arranged nature of the marriage. Win/win ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I really don't see anything wrong with it, as it's just an evening out, nothing more. Go get out and have some fun.

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So you're not living with your husband and I guess he has a life of his own as well. This is holding you back, so I think I'd give him six months to get his own insurance or a new job that has it.

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vla1120, you've been on LS a long time and post advice, etc.

 

Forming a new relationship while still married is always problematic. That said, you're in a pretty unusual situation.

 

No one knows the future. Is it "OK" with you and with him? How do YOU think it will work out?

 

Thank you for your input, everyone. I think Mark Clemson hit the nail on the head, and so did ajequals and Mr. Lucky. Number one, I will not tell my husband because of his history of instability when he is angry with me. But I also do not want to sneak around like I am doing something wrong (because I am still married.) As much as I know this marriage is over, I will bide my time. He does have a job with medical benefits, but I expect that he will have to stop work soon because of his illness and I won’t leave him without benefits (and my benefits are much more comprehensive than his job offers.)

 

Thanks again. Your different perspectives really did help me decide what is right for me. A fresh start can wait. I’ll continue to take this time for myself. Last week, I went river tubing by myself. I’ll find another fun “bucket list” activity for this weekend to do on my own.:)

Edited by vla1120
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