Should we try again??

[123bossnash]

okay so my ex and l met last year end of September and she was beautiful and all , physically the perfect wife l really wanted, she approached me cause i am also very very good looking and we started speaking, this was at college by the way.so we hit it off and we couldn't stay away from each other.lol people thought we knew each other from somewhere

 

we spent a lot of time with each other on the first day and we talked about almost everything ex's, our dark pasts and we were very much in sync , she told me she was in a relationship for 2 years and it was toxic etc cheating manipulation , mans even exposed her nudes. then finally it ended, he dumped her for another chick.

 

she said she went through a dark time full of grieve pain, everyone left her to suffer, isolated herself till she started to feel better and started loving her self

 

she said she went through this period for 3 straight months before we met

so im aware of rebound relationships and she made it clear that shes over it.

 

so we cleared that out and we quickly fell in love and by the end of the first night l knew she was mine.

 

a bit of time flew by and in 5 days time l knew l wanted her and l didn't wanna waste time so l asked her out and she agreed

 

everyone was shocked but we really didn't care

 

so we continued to spend more and more time with each other as we began to grow and we even began to pray with each other cause we are both religious.

 

things were absolutely perfect

 

she was well behaved

cooked

disciplined

very funny

 

just absolutely perfect

 

3 months later her ex texted her on social media and she acted weird on this other day

cause l had noticed by the corner of my eye

 

then she told me that he texted her saying he wants her back and she said no cause shes in a new relationship with me and he said he respects us and he wont bother her

 

i had no problem

 

weeks later he began drunk texting her and we both didn't like it so we decided to have him blocked on all social media

 

more weeks passed by and he messaged her through email, she ignored

 

some more months passed by and she said she felt guilty and unblocked him

 

then weeks later she told me that shes a kind person and she said shes going to be talking to him but only to help cause he has mental health issues

 

so l was cool maintaining my cool

 

till one day we had a big fight at a party about some girl trying flirt with me and the next day she confessed that she drunk called him for help with the situation

 

i didn't like this cause it seemed suspicious so l got mad and dissapointed and l began losing trust cause shes got so many close friends for that

 

why him smh

 

i told her to break all communication with him and she told him we cant talk anymore and it was done.

 

bear in mind besides all these problems everything was fine

having a fantastic relationship

everyone was jealous of how completely awesome l was to her

 

gifts were exchanged

we were both completely struck and hopelessly in love with each other couldn't keep our hands off each-other

 

the sex was mind blowing we would be at it constantly

she said that l was the best at everything, she said i was the first to make her cum cause her ex used to use her for pleasure and leave her like that

 

we would go on holiday trips together and everything and we were really stable , talked about the future and made plans for it and stuff l basically gave her certainty that she never had

 

we would post each other and everything and often it seemed like she was more in love with me as she always feared of losing me

 

but don't get me wrong i wasn't always the good guy or nice guy cause they always finish last

at times l would confuse her and play with her mind

and always kept her guessing

 

and l would act like a cheater sometimes but l never did

 

so basically i was the perfect combination

stable but not boring

 

so 8 months passed by beautifully and we went home for the holidays

 

first 2 months were amazing as always and commuincation and love was the same if not better

 

i became sure and more sure that shes the one

 

she told her mum about me and she said she wants to meet me and everything

 

things started to fall apart in these last two months IN July when her ex came back home cause they live in the same country unlike me

 

then she became more cold day by day

i was slowly being removed from her social media g twitter, insta

 

and she called me one day and said she bumped into her ex and they talked about LIFE even though l didn't believe that

 

then she told me shes starting to feel feelings for him again since the last time she saw him they were dating

 

i got mad and l broke up with her

she didn't want but l forced it

 

i told her she has to make a choice and if she chooses me

she should text me when shes done thinking

 

2 days later she called me and we worked it out and we got together she was saying that she doesn't think she finished healing and was just hurting

 

then we concluded and l said im going to give her space for that and when shes feeling strong and happy and over it

 

we may continue

 

in the next two weeks she wanted to contact me but l told her to get her self love back and she started going out no restrictions

and l was doing the same

 

we would only call once or twice a week to see how we are doing

 

then this other day l noticed her ex was now unblocked on her social media and she was now acting shady cold and distant

 

i felt something wrong and some days later she called me and she broke up with me saying she wants to be single and l deserve better etc and l was shocked she was saying shes not capable of loving etc

 

i was angry and l questioned her accusing her of trying get back with her ex

she denied all allegations and l couldn't prove it either

 

so l accepted and she was even crying during the call

 

as soon as the call ended l saw that l was removed from social media every part with my name on it or my existence

 

her and her ex started following each other minutes after

 

i went to sleep and she called me again crying and she said it might not be permanent

 

i cut the call

 

2 days later she sent me an i miss you text and i ignored it

 

i was shocked cause in a month shes coming to school with me and they are going separate ways so it didn't make sense

 

a week and a half passed by and l noticed the day before yesterday that they were no longer following each other again then yesterday she texted me saying that she misses me a lot

 

by the way during my single life Ive been hooking up with other girls and moving forward with my life cause that's how l am

 

but in general what does this mean i would love to think she left me to be single again but these actions l see with her ex force me to believe otherwise

 

if she did leave me for her ex she must've noticed that he hasn't changed after all

 

should l take her back????? cause we pushed a really good 10 solid months and i am not sure if its worth getting back to

[Marc878]

You were just a rebound. Nothing more than a distraction

 

 

Move on

[SophieG]

I agree with Mark.

And acting like a cheater is not a smart idea by the way. If my boyfriend did that, I’d kick his ass out and be done with him. Just my opinion

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, your relationship was far from great if you were playing mind games and "acting like a cheater" to try to keep her interested.

 

That's manipulative and childish, bro. It was also your clue that things were not stable and awesome, but actually quite fragile and a sign of insecurity on your part. Secure men who are confident in their relationships don't feel the need to play silly games. They know their girlfriends love them and will be by their side without trying to behave like that.

 

Sorry to say, but she's not over her ex and she rebounded with you. Whether or not he has changed is irrelevant. Her heart and mind are with him more than you, and she's now treating you like Plan B. It is very unlikely to work out even if she does come back. She will bounce again because she didn't start dating you for the right reasons to begin with.

 

Both of you need time to mature and grow, and learn how to have healthy relationships. Chances are high that you won't wind up with each other, but you can learn from this if you drop the player act and don't let your ego get in the way.

[123bossnash]

thanks for telling me the truth, so if she texts me again i should just ignore and move on yeah?

[ExpatInItaly]

It would be in your best interest to move on, yes.

 

You're just going to get more games and hot-cold if you decide to date her again. This isn't going to be the woman you settle down with forever.

[schlumpy]

The chance to save your relationship was when she said she felt guilty. You should have put the ultimatum on the table right then and there. By confronting her multiple times with such flimsy evidence you forced them underground and made her believe you would eventually accept the situation.

 

Because of the distance and your inability to know what the true situation was, there may be things that you will find out about her in the future that won't make you happy. Just bumped into each other, huh?

 

She broke your trust and now has to earn it back by doing that which you require. If she's not willing to do any heavy lifting then let her go and enjoy your new found freedom.

[Maggiemay1]

When she unblocked her ex it wasn’t out of guilt , it was out of curiosity because she was still thinking about HIM!

 

Acting like a cheater but not cheating does not make you stable and not boring.

In fact it makes you unstable and forgettable.

 

Your relationship was a rebound one and was far from good.

 

In the week and a half of being single you have been hooking up with other girls.

That suggests to me that you care little for your ex and more about your ego.

 

And it’s likeky that your ego is what drove her back to her ex.

Maybe he’s not that bad after all in comparison??

[123bossnash]

Hmmmm thing is l slowly saw that she was leaving me for her ex so l decided to disengage my emotions from the relationship but l wanted to know for sure thats why l didn’t end it l didn’t wanna rush and make a bad decision thats why

 

And besides was l supposed to sit and cry about her breaking up with me?

I grieved for like two days yes

But I put myself out there cause l couldn’t dwell in the past

[schlumpy]

Hmmmm thing is l slowly saw that she was leaving me for her ex so l decided to disengage my emotions from the relationship but l wanted to know for sure thats why l didn’t end it l didn’t wanna rush and make a bad decision thats why

 

And besides was l supposed to sit and cry about her breaking up with me?

I grieved for like two days yes

But I put myself out there cause l couldn’t dwell in the past

 

Then you were wiser than most.