The dreaded unfollow + my situation

[fromheart]

Well done on the NC. This takes balls of steel.

 

Its unfortunate that you are rubbing shoulders on the weekend. Are there any other towns you could go to for a friday night? Maybe have a party at a house?

 

The following me/following her thing on social media is best ignored I find.

 

If you are going to keep rubbing shoulders, be polite and mature but get on with your own night.

 

Understand that you feel you still love her, but don't overlook a fresh experience because of the past, there are many hotter women than your ex.

[Soak]

Based on what you said about her other exes constantly chasing, her liking your photos, and the way she acts hot and cold... I think it's driving her nuts that she can't get you to beg and plead and chase like the others. I think she wants the validation of knowing that you're putty in her hands, and since you're basically ignoring her as if she no longer exists, she got so frustrated at some point that she unfollowed you. She wants your dignity. Don't give it to her.

 

Minus the dignity bit, this was my first thought, that she is disgruntled because you wouldn't beg.

[Reznar]

Well done on the NC. This takes balls of steel.

 

Its unfortunate that you are rubbing shoulders on the weekend. Are there any other towns you could go to for a friday night? Maybe have a party at a house?

 

The following me/following her thing on social media is best ignored I find.

 

If you are going to keep rubbing shoulders, be polite and mature but get on with your own night.

 

Understand that you feel you still love her, but don't overlook a fresh experience because of the past, there are many hotter women than your ex.

 

It was hard. These 6 months were very painful, still are. NC is hard enough, but when you have to see her every weekend, it's basically the hardest thing ever. I would of 100% moved on if i didn't see her so often. Well, I live in a really small town, everyone knows everyone, there is only one real big club that is opened until 5 am, others close at 1, so naturally everyone goes there after the other clubs close, and she does too. I don't see her until 1am, we are at a different place usually. I managed to hold my own until now, but she is dating my good friend as i mentioned above, which they are keeping a secret from me, and tomorrow he is going out with us, and i will probably have to look at both of them, since i have a feeling he has been gathering guts to tell me, and tomorrow he might. This set me back a bit and if i confront him about it i look like the "jealous ex-boyfriend" and she gets a huge ego boost out of it. It doesn't bother me that he is with her, what bothers me is that he is keeping it a secret, doesn't make him look like a good friend at all. You never date an ex of a good friend, it is too much drama in one place, other guys from our social circle are stating to really dislike him for that.

 

@Soak

This was my initial thought too, and it got further proven when after unfollowing, she started to avoid me (not going out, not going to the same club anymore etc., which broke a pattern since she never missed a single weekend for the last 6 months, except for her birthday.), but she moved on definitely now because of it.

Edited October 3, 2019 by Reznar

[Marc878]

You keep saying he's your good friend?

 

He values your X a lot more that your supposedly friendship doesn't he?

 

So in essence he's really not a friend.

[Reznar]

You keep saying he's your good friend?

 

He values your X a lot more that your supposedly friendship doesn't he?

 

So in essence he's really not a friend.

 

Well, the thing is i sorta, kinda get him? Idk maybe I am just biased hence why i asked here.

 

I never once mentioned her after our breakup, it probably seems to him that i don't care, but he is still very nervous and up until now is still keeping it a secret. I think that tomorrow he will tell me, or i'll see them together definitely.

 

But i really don't know what to do. I know how to react and i will keep it together, but it does feel like a stab in the back from him sorta.

[preraph]

No one here is psychic. I mean, it is what it is. She unfollowed you. She's had six months to make up with you and ask to reunite if that was what she wanted, so it's not what she wants. She's out living her life.

 

Your one comment about how she's had flings and inferring failed relationships makes me just want to tell you, it doesn't matter if she never finds the right guy as far as your status. She already knows you are not the right guy for her. In the event she doesn't find anyone doesn't mean she would want you back.

 

So I'm assuming she broke up with you. Did you do something to kick that off or she just got tired of it and broke it off?

[Marc878]

 

I never once mentioned her after our breakup, it probably seems to him that i don't care, but he is still very nervous and up until now is still keeping it a secret. I think that tomorrow he will tell me, or i'll see them together definitely.

 

But i really don't know what to do. I know how to react and i will keep it together, but it does feel like a stab in the back from him sorta.

 

I had a chance to go out with a friends X once. She was giving me all the signs, etc. All I had to do was ask.

 

It just wasn't worth it to me. We weren't even that close of friends but for me it was a bro thing.

 

Time will fix this. May not seem like it now but if you can cut off the pain shopping, etc it will help you a lot.

 

Your X has the right to go her own way as well as your so called friend. Which means for you to get through this you find a way to go your own way too.

 

You don't have to remain good friends just pare it down to an acquaintance. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Looking back I made the correct move for me. I never wanted the drama surrounding that. You see I realized early on there is no soulmate, one and only. There are many who can fit that bill. I found one and do can you.

[Reznar]

No one here is psychic. I mean, it is what it is. She unfollowed you. She's had six months to make up with you and ask to reunite if that was what she wanted, so it's not what she wants. She's out living her life.

 

Your one comment about how she's had flings and inferring failed relationships makes me just want to tell you, it doesn't matter if she never finds the right guy as far as your status. She already knows you are not the right guy for her. In the event she doesn't find anyone doesn't mean she would want you back.

 

So I'm assuming she broke up with you. Did you do something to kick that off or she just got tired of it and broke it off?

 

I'm 100% sure we will never be together again, I have come to terms with it a long time ago. I know she won't contact me, this is more about me regressing all the time and me still having feelings. I will get over it, i'm way better than i was before, this regressed me a little bit, but nothing too much. She is a very hot girl (this is not just me being vulnerable thinking my ex is a perfect being, she is really hot), so i know this is also more of an illusion. She is also quite young and still has a long way to go, in some ways she is immature, especially when it comes to relationships.

 

It doesn't really matter why she broke up with me, it's a long story and i'd rather not get into it for my own sake.

[preraph]

If she's hot looking, you must stop looking at her social media and torturing yourself. And you should try to avoid seeing her at all anywhere. It will only keep you focused that way and remind you of your loss.

 

Beyond making yourself stop looking at her, you should stay busy with friends and hobbies and focus your energy elsewhere and keep active and hopefully you'll meet someone that will make you care less about how hot she is.

 

And as far as you posting stuff to your social media hoping she sees how well you are doing, that is still you focusing on what she thinks, so that is unhealthy. You need to block her from your social media so she can't see it so you can stop posing for her trying to make her feel some way, or imagining she does. The goal is to just stop caring WHAT she does or thinks about you. That's something you have to make up your mind to do. Block and for every time you think how hot she was, think of two things you didn't like and make yourself get over it faster that way.

[Reznar]

If she's hot looking, you must stop looking at her social media and torturing yourself. And you should try to avoid seeing her at all anywhere. It will only keep you focused that way and remind you of your loss.

 

Beyond making yourself stop looking at her, you should stay busy with friends and hobbies and focus your energy elsewhere and keep active and hopefully you'll meet someone that will make you care less about how hot she is.

 

And as far as you posting stuff to your social media hoping she sees how well you are doing, that is still you focusing on what she thinks, so that is unhealthy. You need to block her from your social media so she can't see it so you can stop posing for her trying to make her feel some way, or imagining she does. The goal is to just stop caring WHAT she does or thinks about you. That's something you have to make up your mind to do. Block and for every time you think how hot she was, think of two things you didn't like and make yourself get over it faster that way.

 

I haven't posted any stuff on social media for her, I'm active on Instagram, but never did any of the posts for her. I also never checked her Instagram profile, don't know where you got that from.

 

It sounded superficial, but it's not only her looks. It was definitely a bonus, but personality-wise she was a match for me more then any girl before, that's what initially drawn me to her. As i said, the only reason why i haven't moved on is because i see her every weekend, and that's a problem. I'll have to stop going out for a while it seems.

 

To be honest, i was always playerish. Had girls, could get girls, but found it hard to fall in love and never really liked having a gf unless the girl was really special. Last few girlfriends i had, when we broke up, either if they left me or i left them i was never sad, if anything, i was happy to be single again. But this time it's different. I am definitely not used to this feeling and I just want it over with.