asdfa4 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 So, we broke up after 4 years and we've been separated for about 3 weeks I think, First week was hell and I did everything I could to get her back,and when that didnt work I got angry sometimes and she gradually got colder towards me and then I went into no-contact and I started to feel better somewhat day by day. Then she drops the bomb on me that she's in love with someone else, and I was like "Ok, fine.. im not gonna try and persuade you into something and hope he can make you happy" end of story? Nope Was radio silence between us,and her ignoring my requests for her to pickup her stuff from my place. Then I got invited to dinner by my sister and a couple of her friends, and my ex knows I had a "thing" for one of the girls like 7 years ago.. And im friends with this girl so she got the brilliant idea to post a snapchat story on my account where we sat together in the couch. Long story short she ****ing snapped, came to my place the day after, tore me a new one, tried to make me jealous and talk about her new boyfriend and how amazing he is and im trash and trashed some of my stuff before leaving.. I've been trying to wrap my head around this, and I just can't.. neither can my friends because this hasn't happened to anyone I know So wtf is going on here? Since that day she came by she has messaged me daily asking about her stuff, which I've been nagging about her to pickup but she always cancels, and how great her guy is and how I should leave them alone(Which I am doing) I haven't been talking to her at all, she just messaged me out of the blue the night I was out for dinner saying this and that about that girl, and she's the one who has been sending messages to me afterwards. Also she's been pushing it really hard that she has absolutely NO feelings for me whatsoever,at all.. And that all came after the dinner I had, previously she said she loves me but not IN love with me.. Also one more thing, right after we broke up she actually came back after 2 days, and spent 3 days with me, then she bailed again. Also while all of this is happening she's posting on her IG daily about how great her life is and this and that,I dont follow her anymore but my friend says she's being overly happy about everything. Now the last message she sent me was.. "Im picking up my stuff today, can I come by at 2pm?" I replied sure, then she changed her mind and said she's coming right now.. She didnt, 2 hours later I get a message saying she cant make it, she's busy That's pm what happens everytime she's supposedly picking up her stuff, always busy. And then she also claims im avoiding her and thats immature.. When she was the one who explicitly asked if I can leave the apartment while her and her grandmother grabs her stuff, and fcking leaves more than 60% of it.. Why is she acting like this? I really can't wrap my head around anything Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Why is she acting like this? I really can't wrap my head around anything You were supposed to stay in limbo and be Plan B. She's leaving you bread crumbs so you maintain hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asdfa4 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 Thats the thing, I don't have hope, Nor do I wish to get back together with her She started acting this way when I realized it's better to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Limiya Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 It sounds to me she wasn't interested in you enough to stay with you, but now she thinks you've moved onto someone else, she can't have you. Now you have become valuable. She thinks she can still control you and 'own' you even though you are no longer together. She just doesn't like you moving on. Most of her behaviour is just her projecting onto you. Trying to make you jealous,and driving her crazy when she can see you don't care. She can't have one guy and another on backup. She made her decision, so you move on with your life and don't react to her or play along with her games. If she doesn't collect her stuff, tell her she has until this date to collect it or you will throw it out. Or you can leave it at a mutual friends house if it's allowed. She's using her stuff as the last 'link' to you. It gives her a reason to keep in touch with you. You've done really well and you're acting very classy while she is throwing tantrums. Keep it up and hopefully she will move on. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 I am not surprised you are confused. Her behaviour is erratic and confusing - yes! It sounds to me like she is being provocative. She is spoiling for a fight. She is messing you around with regard to picking up her stuff - she knows you will lose patience eventually. She came round and shouted at you and trashed things because she is jealous you are seeing someone else, if only as a friend. She is acting like she owns you, which is ridiculous when she has broken up with you. All in all, her behaviour is aggressive, controlling and provocative. I suspect she has a volatile background and is used to being in combative relationships. She may even have broken up with you because you were not responding to her provocations enough and it was getting boring for her. I think you really need to get away from her and, if necessary, put her stuff on her doorstep for her so you don't have this recurrent battle over it. I do not think this behaviour will stop; she is trying to control you to make sure you are paying her attention. Change the locks and take steps to protect yourself from being present anywhere with her in person. She is out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 The real problem is you haven't blocked her. Send her stuff to her or leave it outside, then tell her to come get it and that you will not be talking to her again. The end. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 Drop off her stuff at her place. No need to let her know, just leave it there. I know, you're wondering why you didn't think of this yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 This behaviour is typical of someone with a big ego, OP. She doesn't want you, but she can't handle knowing you won't be her back-up option in case things don't pan out with her new boyfriend. That's all there is to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 Ops behavior is typical of a dumpee that will keep going back for more, any time the dumper shows interest while proclaiming "they are over it". Break the cycle. It's not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
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