ThisisIt606 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I’m interested in knowing about people’s tactics of getting out of unwanted conversations and interactions… Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop and reading a book. I close the book and look at the back. Then this guy who is also standing at the bus stop (I didn’t notice him prior) comes up to me and asks me what the book is about. I tell him, but keep it brief. He goes on to tell me he’s here doing an internship, where he’s from etc. He asks if I am from here/ what I do and my name. he tells me his and we shake hands. All fine convo but I have no interest in this dude—I can tell he’s hitting on me. He’s not my type in the slightest and I want out of this convo stat but I also really need to wait to get on this bus to get to my baby sitting job. I keep looking away & not making attempts at further convo. The bus finally comes and I get on praying for single seats to be available. I get a single seat and he sits RIGHT behind me. I keep facing forward and take out my phone to look busy. He must have seen I was looking at my IG account because he asked for my user name/if I had an Instagram. I obviously do since he saw it… so I was forced to give it to him I felt. He proceeds to talk to me and tell me he is “here for 5 more days” and he wants to move to my city after he finishes his PhD program in whatever. I’m not even turned around at this point.. I’m just saying things like “oh ok” “mmhmm” to show I’m not interested. He’s really grasping at straws at this point and points out the window and says “what are they building?” “I don’t ******* know!?” but I said “idk maybe a school…” He asked about my schedule and I basically just told him I have a full time job and do some baby sitting on the side. I knew he was trying to hint at getting together… and he said something like “oh wow, very busy! But I get that, x city is expensive”. I was starting to get a bit nervous he would get off the bus with me seeing as how he seemed to be clueless that I didn’t want to engage in convo. I was nervous because I was going to a house to watch a little one whose mother I know wasn’t home. Always, he finally gets off the bus before me. I get off a few stops later and go to my baby sitting job. I check my DMs and he commented the heart face emoji on both of my stories and writes “It was nice meeting you. I wish we got to talk more”. Talk more??? That was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do!!! I just wrote back “haha” and blocked… Dude was also foreign and did his BA and MA in India. I’m just assuming he was here on a visa… also assuming he may have been trying to pick me up because I’m American. But who knows. Annoying as hell no matter how you slice it. I don’t get hit on like this often… but it does happen. Any advice how to stop unwanted men/convo in the future? Especially without going into panic mode and giving out my IG if they ask?? Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I thought you handled it well. I would keep your phone hid better so that he doesn't see what you are doing on it. I don't know what else you could have do that wouldn't have been obnoxious. I was interesting to hear it from the womans side of that. Too bad more guys don't understand that they come across this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I'm a lot older than you I'm sure, and I just don't have much patience for pushy people who ignore the signals that you aren't interested. I say "I don't give out my personal information", with a smile and then proceed to ignore them even if they keep talking. Sure, it's awkward and I feel a little guilty but it's preferable to feeling forced into prolonged unwanted conversations and invasions of privacy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Any of these interactions you have to be firm but sadly, polite. Firm because there should be no miscommunication about whether you are even remotely interested in me. Don't leave me an opening like giving me your Insta. Yes, you can block me later or just be private but it's not public information to begin with. But you sadly should also be polite because it is a sad truth that there are many a-holes out there that it would be better not to provoke. By the way, when I say "me," I don't mean me. I like to think I'm good at reading cues. But me is a stand in for men. And I like the "I don't give out personal information" line. That is a perfect example of firm but polite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 One way I've gotten out of these conversations is ... Pull out phone, laptop, papers, book, whatever you have. I have to read this for work. I can't talk right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 (edited) In the future, understand that no guy has to know what your name is, what your IG account name is--no information that you do not want anyone to know. "I do not give my information out to strangers in the street." If he begins harassing you, you dial 911 and tell them you're being harassed at the bus stop by a guy who won't leave you alone and tell them where you are so they show up. If it takes you having to call police to get a guy out of your face, then do it. If he's sitting behind you, then get up and move to a seat further back in the bus. If he gets up and follows you back there, you go tell the driver that this strange guy won't leave you alone and he'll ask if you want him to call police. You do not owe strangers anything. Block him on IG and never again give your contact information out to anyone you dont' want to have it. You do have a right to protect yourself. Being the "nice girl" with male strangers who feel entitled to your time, attention and contact information lands you where you find yourself. Bump that mess. Edited August 19, 2019 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Wear headphones in public when you dont want to be disturbed, even if you aren't listening to anything. If a guy tries to hit on you, ignore him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 You could just say: "Sorry, not interested." I've been on the receiving end of that and I've seen my female friends do it plenty of times over the years. I've come to appreciate women who are that direct, they're saving both of us time. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I’m interested in knowing about people’s tactics of getting out of unwanted conversations and interactions… Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop and reading a book. I close the book and look at the back. Then this guy who is also standing at the bus stop (I didn’t notice him prior) comes up to me and asks me what the book is about. I tell him, but keep it brief. He goes on to tell me he’s here doing an internship, where he’s from etc. He asks if I am from here/ what I do and my name. he tells me his and we shake hands. All fine convo but I have no interest in this dude—I can tell he’s hitting on me. He’s not my type in the slightest and I want out of this convo stat but I also really need to wait to get on this bus to get to my baby sitting job. I keep looking away & not making attempts at further convo. The bus finally comes and I get on praying for single seats to be available. I get a single seat and he sits RIGHT behind me. I keep facing forward and take out my phone to look busy. He must have seen I was looking at my IG account because he asked for my user name/if I had an Instagram. I obviously do since he saw it… so I was forced to give it to him I felt. Don't feel forced. Say, "I don't give it to strangers, sorry." Then make a conclusion statement along the lines of, "It was nice chatting with you. Have a good day." Open book, begin reading. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraXX Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I usually say: "I'm sorry but I really don't want to talk right now." And then I put on my headphones (if I have them with me). But it really depends on the situation. I was out shopping in the city a few weeks ago. A guy stopped me on the street and said: "Sorry, I just have to say that you look very beautiful." I had a ****ty week and really needed a little ego boost, the compliment felt great and that guy actually seemed nice. So I chatted with him for a bit, gave him my first name but when he started to ask questions about where I live etc., I said "Sorry, don't really want to say. But it was nice talking to you and the compliment made my day." And then I just left. But there was another occasion, also a few weeks ago, when a guy approached me at the subway station in the late evening and he seemed strange from the beginning. He tried to make conversation, but I didn't feel comfortable at all and I'm quite sure that he wasn't actually interested in me but on some kind of trip (weird eyes). So I just mumbled "Sorry", put on my headphones and ignored him. And I'm not kidding, he stood in front of me and just talked and talked and probably didn't even realize that I didn't understand a word (I have noice cancelling headphones ... that's quite effective ). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 You should have said "No, that's ok" or "No, I'm not interested in doing that." You are not being rude, but you are taking a stance that you are not interested. Stop being a push over, it can get you into trouble more so than rejecting them. Been there done that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Always wear headphones, people will be less inclined to make you have to take them out, and you can pretend to be on a phone call. Don't wear shirts with words on them, it's less of an invitation for people to open conversation about the band, show, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I usually just cut short any attempt at conversation 'It was nice talking to you or I'll catch you later' if I'm busy and don't want to be disturbed, and that works. Most people will take the hint. But you did well. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" right at the start would have been so simple and avoided this whole scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" right at the start would have been so simple and avoided this whole scenario. "Whats that got to do with me?" Link to post Share on other sites
Fekenaws Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I'm a guy so I haven't had much experience with this type of interaction where I'm the recipient outside of 1 or 2 times in my life. I just keep the conversation curt and my responses short, no follow up questions. Most people will get the hint, and if they don't, no problem, they're wasting their own time, not mine. If it's a repeat offender I'd recommend bringing in a pair of headphones, or tell them you're spoken for. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 "Whats that got to do with me?" Any respectful gentlemen (like myself) would answer 'No problem, I understand, all the best for you both'. Any other reply like the one you posted should be met with them being ignored and carry on like they are not even there. Any further harassing - call the police. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Any respectful gentlemen . she isn't dealing with someone who's respecting her and that's what this thread is about. Link to post Share on other sites
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